Sunday, May 31, 2009
Had a fantastic day today, partly because I was able to just chill and enjoy it...I didn't worry about sticking to a schedule or how I looked, or if the Pea got her clothes all messed up (which she did, of course)...I didn't stress when my camera died at an inopportune time, although I was sad...and when a party I attended this afternoon wasn't exactly what I had in mind and so had to leave early to run through a drive-thru for dinner, I didn't get all pissed off. Sounds obvious, and simple, but I wasn't always that way.
The Pea and I started the day by getting up early, getting the laundry done, and straightening the house (thank God, cuz otherwise I would be doing it now). Then JD came into town and we headed to the beach...first we had a nice brunch and after we hung on the beach building sand castles, enjoying the weather, and soaking up the sun...then we went home and the Pea and I got ready for an afternoon tea party and ballet. We attended this same event last year, and she had a blast. Last year of course we ate beforehand, only to be greeted with all variety of cheese, cracker, and sandwich that you could imagine, and this year (being smart, or so I thought) we skipped lunch and were offered only a few cookies and a cupcake...oopsie. The performance after the party was lovely, and despite having to leave a few minutes before the final act because the Pea was getting CRANK-EEE (only having a cookie and the frosting off a cupcake since brunch did not a happy baby make) we had a lot of fun.
It wasn't just today that was fantastic...I have had a truly lovely week. There have been moments, where I had to deal with a reality that I didn't want to, or I got a little down, but overall...very cool...fingers crossed for another one.
Friday, May 29, 2009
After I dropped off the Pea at school, I headed to the library. I checked out two books...I will have to change the what I am reading now...and then left to go get coffee. Sitting at the light to leave the library I noticed a dude at the bus stop...I noticed him because he had a crazy outfit, dreadlocks, and a floppy hat. I then went to DD, had breakfast and coffee, read a few chapters of one of the books I checked out...left DD, talked to Smash while I drove to TJ Maxx and then for a good half hour sitting in the parking lot...went inside, bought a tank and two t-shirts...left there and hit a few other stores...another DD for another coffee, and then home. All of that took a good 4 hours and on the way home: the dude with the dreads and floppy hat was STILL at the bus stop. He had been standing the first time I saw him, the second time he was sitting. At what point do you give up and say "f*ck it, clearly the bus I want is not coming today" or do you not, because at any moment your bus could come and if you leave UNDOUBTEDLY it will come right after? Anyway, he seemed awfully dejected when I passed the second time and it got me thinking about waiting...waiting sucks...then again, maybe he was a stoner and just didn't notice when the bus came and was having his own private party at the bus stop and couldn't care less. I dunno...
Now...some shit that doesn't suck:
Got this as an email FWD, and in the subject box "because someone you know needs one"
thanks JD... ...yes, yes indeed, someone I know DOES need one...don't we all know someone we would love to flying bitchslap?
I'm a sucker for anything aviation related, combine that with WTF? love it...
A new favorite website, and the article that brought me to it, via TheFrisky: http://truthmerchants.com/mag/2009/05/i-dont-understand-why-men/
J(Preston) is great...move over John DeVore (aka "hot writer man") I have a new writer man crush...
Ok, last but not least...tried this wine the other night cuz I liked the label...it is my new favorite (cheap) Cab...decided to do a little research so I could put it on the blog and discovered a very cool website, here are both: http://cheapwineratings.com/2007/11/10/five-rivers-cabernet-sauvignon/
Alrighty then...off to read my book and have a glass of wine...wish I could flying bitchslap someone, but at least I don't have to go anywhere on a bus.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I never did the whole spring break thing, and while I did spend one weekend in Daytona in my twenties with Bunny, I was married at the time. Matter of fact, I have pretty much been in a relationship that was, or resembled, marriage since I was 17. I need a break, and I intend to take one.
Don't worry mom, I am not gonna fly off to Florida and end up on a Girls Gone Wild (or rather Moms Gone Wild, LOL) video. I have no intention of sleeping around or acting a fool...I don't mean I am LITERALLY on spring break. I am not going to shirk my responsibilities, or quit my job, or start flashing my boobs. In the book she starts biking, doing yoga, hanging out at the beach and living each day as it's own entity...she stops thinking about whether or not the men she meets and spends time with are "the one" and instead thinks "is this someone I want to spend time with right now?" I intend to do the same (except without the biking, I don't have a bike).
Since "deciding" I am on spring break I have had two fantastic days. I didn't do anything spectacular or amazing, to anyone outside looking in there was probably no visible change from the usual, the reason they were fantastic is I chose to stop thinking about anything other than what I was doing in the moment I was doing it. I realize when you are a single working mommy there are times when planning ahead is essential. I know I can't ONLY think about the here and now and not deal with certain realities. I am not taking a break from life, I am giving myself permission to enjoy it. I have been getting pressure from a bunch of folks (and myself because I thought I should) to get out there and date...to move on, to find someone new. I gotta be honest though, despite missing sex, I am enjoying being single. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like being in a relationship was horrible, and I do get lonely sometimes, but after a very nice date and all that came after it, I realized: I just don't feel like dealing with all that right now.
Last night I went over to Grey's...he, his roommate, and I, cooked dinner, had a few bottles of wine, and hung out. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment because I didn't think past the present. I didn't worry about how I looked, how many calories were in what we were eating, or what I had done the day before or planned on doing the next...I said what I wanted to when I wanted and didn't agonize after if I said anything wrong. I was completely myself, no apologies, and while the guys may not have noticed a difference in me, I did. A great "side affect" of the in the moment living: when I got out of my head and stopped analyzing, planning, thinking, and worrying, I was able to focus more on the people I was with. Instead of thinking about what to say or do next, I was listening, watching, and enjoying the company I was in, and I was in pretty good company.
My spring break won't involve tequila shots, dancing on tables, sleeping till noon, or frat boys (I wish I could sleep till noon, but the rest, nah). No...spring break, for me, will be about eating great food, drinking nice wine, spending time with good people, and not worrying about what comes next. So far, so good.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Overall the weekend was pretty great...the Pea and I spent time at the beach...went to the aquarium...did some shopping...relaxed and had fun. For the most part I do what I want, when I want...I have the freedom to enjoy spending time with my little girl, and I feel safe wherever I go. I don't take any of it for granted...the freedom, and security, we have as citizens of this country was hard fought. Men and women died to protect our right to the pursuit of happiness, and if it weren't for them, none of what I did this weekend, or any other weekend for that matter, would be possible.
I made a vow not to talk politics or religion when I started this blog, so I won't, even though I REALLY want to right now cuz I am pretty pissed and disappointed in certain factions of our government...but I will say this: the men and women who died fighting for our country, and protecting our rights, deserve recognition, respect, and gratitude...not just today, but EVERYday.
Happy Memorial Day.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Ok, so we met downtown for coffee, which I found out he doesn't drink (why did we meet for coffee?) and we sat outside for the hour I had in the parking meter and just talked. We didn't touch on too much personal stuff, although I did tell him about the Pea (he didn't bolt, score) and turns out we have a ton in common. We both went to college for History, he likes books as much or more than I do, and we have almost identical political views. We have texted some since then and actually saw each other again last night at the concert; he texted to see how the band was, I replied it would be better if I had wine,he showed up with Pinot Noir...I thought that was pretty damn cool.
So, there ya go...who knows what will happen, but I am gonna hold off on the granny panties and the cats...for now.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Ok...so, enough gushing, Thursday is my day to share sh*t that doesn't suck so here ya go, my favorite things this week:
OMG...I am not a huge movie person, I am not one to go see a movie opening night, or hell, even in the theater, I usually wait until DVD, but The Hangover is one I will be seeing, in the theater...I have watched this trailer maybe 7 times, still makes me laugh. Awesome. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OligCf4SyYE
I have been following Amelia, on TheFrisky, re-enter the treacherous dating pool with a fair amount of success, and feel like we are alike on a lot of levels...this weeks post made me laugh out loud. Not only does she talk about "sparking" which those close to me know I have also been talking a bit about these days, but she also talks about how people are Tiggers, Piglets, Eeyores or Pooh Bears, and I DO THAT ALL THE TIME...too funny. I am a piglet, or perhaps a Roo... http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-dating-amelia-my-last-bite-of-chicken-parm/
Sorry, I think by the time most of you read this the sale may be over, but I had to share...Gigi sent me this link: http://www2.victoriassecret.com/collection/?cgname=OSSWMSASZZZ&cgnbr=OSSWMSASZZZ&rfnbr=6137&cm_mmc=di-_-090521SWIM-_-V01-_-51877&cm_em CUTEST SWIMSUITS EVER...I ordered the pink polka dot one...good prices too!
And last...for those of you in NC who will be in the Wilmington area tomorrow night: http://www.mayfairetown.com/pages/play/ FREE outdoor concerts, every Friday night...you can bring coolers, lawn chairs, etc. there is fun for the kids, and all the bands are pretty great. The Pea and I went to the first one, had a BLAST, and I suspect we will be back there tomorrow. Can't beat a picnic with free live music...great crowd too.
Ok all...have a great holiday weekend, stay safe, and if you get a wild hair: call up an old friend...even if it doesn't lead to a "girl date" reconnecting with someone who "knew you when" may just make you feel young and happy, and that wouldn't suck.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Ok, moving on...I am going to re-post Sunday mornings post...the other one that I deleted, because I am confident that DH won't enter it as any kind of "evidence" that I am in some way unfit or unwell or whatever...and if he does, well, those of you who want to can email me and say "I told you so."
Sunday May 17
1. The ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage
MOXIE: It's a street-smart spirit that's as old as recorded history, and as new as the rising sun. David had it; Goliath didn't. It's that intangible tangible. You don't learn it in school and you can't get it from a book. It can jump oceans and move mountains. It says, "Make your life what it can be. Take your life wherever it can go."- Compendium, Inc.
Moxie, a carbonated beverage, is considered by some to be the USA's first mass produced softdrink, although both Vernors ginger ale and Hires Root Beer predate it by a decade...it was sold in carbonated form and merchandised as an invigorating drink, which claimed to endow the drinker with “spunk"...The name entered the American language, when a person was said to be “full of Moxie”, meaning that the person was skillful, or spirited. - Wikipedia
Last night I went out with a girlfriend. I was in a bit of a funk, after the whole club deal, but we had planned this night awhile back and she wasn't gonna let me out of it. I'm glad she didn't. Once she and Smash talked me off the ledge and forced me to get my ass off the couch and in the shower, I started to feel better...once I cranked up the tunes and started to get dressed, I was officially out of the funk and ready to go out and have fun.
Well, we just ended up going to a local sports bar/restaurant and sitting together at the bar talking while watching the Braves get DESTROYED, but I looked good, felt even better, and enjoyed being out. As we got up to leave, a guy who had been sitting at the bar near us stopped me, called me over, and complimented me on my dress. It was a pretty damn cute dress. I smiled, said thanks, was flattered, and we headed out. Then it occurred to me, wait a minute...unless he is gay, that may not have been about the dress AT ALL...so I stopped, asked my girlfriend what she thought and her response was "Uhm, no...he probably thought you were cute...go back and talk to him...go on, go back stupid, he was cute!"
Soooo, armed with the confidence of two dirty birds (Grey Goose martinis, straight up, very dirty, 3 olives) I walked back to the bar and said "Was that really just about the dress or do you want my number?" O.M.G. I have no idea who that woman was, or why she did that, but it felt great. He has my number, he wants to do coffee sometime. I don't know if he will call...honestly, I don't much care, it was more about me, doing something I never would have before, and who knows...
Oh yeah, I got my moxie back.
Update, Monday May 18, 7:30pm: He texted, we are planning to meet Friday for coffee.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
It all started because of yesterday's blog post. A few who read it, went to DH, and he was pissed because I "slammed him" and embarrassed him and ya know, he had every right to be. Perhaps I shouldn't have written about my frustrations...perhaps I should have been a big enough person to pick up the phone and call him and talk to him...well I wasn't...I wasn't because very few times over the last 14 years have I been able to express to him, either in person or on the phone, when I was upset or frustrated. Whenever I have been, he has either dismissed it, or we have had a fight about it. The blog became the place where I actually felt heard (and yes, I realize that sounds bizarre) and often times I was able to express how I felt through writing, better than I ever could through speech.
Yesterday's post, even though he never read it, allowed us to start a dialog that would have otherwise gone unsaid. I would probably have continued to be resentful, and we would have both continued to be passive aggressive and shitty to each other...instead we sat in my car, in a parking lot, in the pouring rain...we talked, and we cried, and we actually communicated. We resolved issues, and made promises to each other to put the Pea first, and to, no matter what, make sure she is taken care of. I'm glad I wrote that post...I'm glad because today DH and I came together as parents and proved we could work together for the sake of our kid, proved we could trust each other, and be empathetic toward one another, and without that post: I honestly don't know if it ever would have happened.
When I first took this blog public I was terrified of my mother's response to it. There were a few posts about my mom...frustrations I had that I had never expressed to her, things I was afraid to say to her. To some people I was "slamming" her, much the same way it appeared I was slamming DH. Turns out those posts allowed my mom to "hear" me and process on her own time, in her own way, and make her way back to me so we could talk. My mom and I still struggle sometimes (like now...mom, please come back, we were doing so good...I love you and I love Youngest, and I miss you both like crazy...please) but we are able to connect now like we were never able to before, and it is because of this blog.
Sometimes it isn't what we say that hurts the people we love the most, it is the things we don't say...it is the things we leave unsaid that build resentment, build walls, and close us off to one another...and because I often struggle to say things out loud, I will continue to write them...and I hope that it continues to bring me closer to the people I care about.
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put them in quotations
Say what you need to say (8x)
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead
If you could only
Say what you need to say (8x)
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
One of my favorite airline overnights was Miami. It was always paired with a Rochester, NY and I would bid any schedule, any days, just to get those overnights. Best BBQ EVER at Dinosaurs in Rochester, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. The Miami one was even better...we didn't stay at the airport (scary) we stayed in Biscayne Bay, at one of those fancy resort hotels on the water, and it had a free shuttle over to South Beach...not only that, it was a 24 hour overnight, and we got in at 6pm. Still don't know how that happened, but I never questioned, I just bid. Most of the time I would head upstairs to change and head out to South Beach with the rest of the crew for dinner and the next day we would lounge on the beach until about 2pm and then head back to the hotel to get ready for work.
On one particular overnight, with a stuffy and no fun crew, I was able to get together with a friend of a friend. Bunny went to school with a guy "G" and on one of my visits to see her I met him, we hit it off and all had fun together, but with them in Florida and me in North Carolina we never became close friends. Any time I was headed down to FL though, I would give him a call and see if he wanted to hang. Well at some point he had moved to Miami, and when I called to say I was headed down he said "great lets get together" and so we did. He worked in promotions at the time and was the guy in all the bars giving away free stuff and as a result VERY POPULAR. We decided to head out on the town to all the coolest clubs and he assured me we would not be waiting in line sweatin' our faces off like the rest of herd, we would be VIP...I was skeptical, but wanted to do the South Beach Club scene at least once so got myself lookin' as cute as I could.
I threw on my cutest sparkly tank top, paired it with fierce ass jeans and fancy heels, and met him in the lobby at 10pm to head out. We hit every club, NEVER stood in line or got turned away, and danced until my feet hurt so bad I couldn't stand it. We drank Long Island Iced Teas (hindsight: NOT a good idea) and I got drunkity, drunk, drunk. By the time 5am rolled around we were both drunk, tired, broke, and STARVING. We ended up at Denny's.
At a few of the clubs we had gone to, regardless of the signage on the door, there was a mixed bag of men, women, gay, straight, men dressed like women, you name it...I thought it was great, and as long as I was able to pee without too much trouble, couldn't have cared less who else was in there with me. In my drunken and giddy state, I started to think of all of Miami as one big unisex party. So, we got into Denny's, ordered just about everything on the menu, and I stumbled off to pee. I headed in the only direction that seemed logical, saw a door with a sign, and headed in. There were a few urinals (with men, fly open, standing in front of) and a few stalls. I headed into a stall...
When I came back to the table I was so impressed...
me: "Man, Miami is so f*ckin' cool...I mean where else would a Denny's have a unisex bathroom...I just love it here."
G: First leaning back, eyebrows arched high, mouth open...and then leaning forward, eyes slightly squinted, taking both my hands in his "Sweetie...NO WHERE on this PLANET is there a DENNY's with a unisex bathroom."
Sunday, May 10, 2009
The Pea and I spent the day together carrying out our usual rituals, and to anyone outside looking in, it was just another Sunday...only it wasn't. It was my first Mother's Day as a single girl, and since the Pea is still too young to really grasp the concept, I knew if I wanted it to be special I would have to make it that way...and it was. I won't go through the whole day, cuz it was really like most any other Sunday: DD, shopping, grass cutting, weeding, cleaning, laundry. The only departure from the norm was a trip south to visit my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. It was a quick visit, and we just sat and talked for a few hours, but by the time we got on the road to come home it was 5:30. It takes almost an hour to get home, and knowing we were still gonna have to do a bath, read books and cuddle for awhile upon arriving home; I decided we would hit a drive-thru on the way into town, for dinner.
About a week ago a made a mix CD for the Pea...it has all her favorite songs. We listened to that CD on the drive home, and since it is just over an hour, got to hear all of the songs...and a few twice. They will forever be the soundtrack to this day, and every time I hear one I will smile. As we made the drive north, on the highway so I could set the cruise and dance and sing with her, we heard: Beyonce's Single Ladies, Carrie Underwood's Last Name, When I Grow Up by The Pussycat Dolls, and Jack Johnson's Upside Down to name a few. As we came over the bridge and through downtown: Robert Randolf and The Family Band were belting out Aint Nothing Wrong With That, then came Sugarland with Steve Earl, and finally Boom Boom Pow, by the Black Eyed Peas (which we had to play 3 times "again! again!"). Every new song that came on she clapped and said "Mommy my song!" and finally I explained that I made the CD for her, and that I knew they were all her favorites, and that's why they were on it. She pondered for a minute and then said "Thank you mommy for making my music for me, you are the bestest mommy ever." I nearly started crying.
This morning after leaving DD I ended up heading home without swinging by Sam's to fill up the car with gas and run through the car wash (I just completely forgot I planned on doing so)...considering I had had a sprinkle doughnut and FIVE chocolate munchkins with my large coffee (it was a holiday, I splurged) and hadn't eaten dinner the night before it was very likely I was in a near diabetic coma and it's a wonder I was able to drive home at all (much less remember all the things on my to-do list)...and I figured it would be the perfect end to the day if we filled up the car, swung through Wendy's, and ate our dinner in the car wash while listening to the rest of the CD. I ordered us a 10 piece chicken nugget, medium fry, and lemonade. I divided it in half, handed hers back to her, and we drove in; we ate "together" in the car wash, and then in the parking lot just outside the car wash, and heard: Carole King's Where You Lead, I will Follow...Make You Feel My Love, by Adele...and Bob Shneider's The World Exploded Into Love. I looked back at my little Pea, with a mouth full and big smile, and I thought to myself: "These are the moments...these, right here." I am very grateful to not only have a daughter, and be able to share those moments, but to "get" that they are fleeting, and they are amazing, and they are the things I will miss the most when she is 15 and hates me...and then John Mayer's Daughters came on, and I bawled all the way home.
What made today great was going through it with the knowledge that I am blessed with something really special: the opportunity to enjoy, really enjoy, my baby girl growing up. A lot of moms are so tired, stressed, sad, and lonely, and afraid to tell anyone about it for fear of being judged or viewed as ungrateful, that they don't get to enjoy those "moments"...most moms need a special day to feel appreciated and loved because they go through most of their other days not feeling that way.
The rest of y'all moms, who not only feel loved and appreciated every day but ALSO get a day at the spa and brunch, well...you can bite me. Happy Mother's Day!
Friday, May 8, 2009
I decided, with all my extra time, to treat myself for Mother's Day and went and got a pedi. After that, the bookstore, where I bought two new books and another coffee, and I sat outside (it was a BE-A-U-tiful day) reading for an hour. While at the bookstore I caught a glimpse of a sign advertising a free concert and after picking up the Pea we packed a cooler, grabbed a few lawn chairs, and headed to it. Great band, great time, ran into a bunch a people I haven't seen in ages, and just overall, a fabulous time. I am giddy right now, I feel so lucky to have had such a good day.
Ok, so one funny thing did happen today, which made me remember an old post, so I am gonna re-run it after I explain. I walked into the nail place to get my toes done and the only patrons were two guys, manly men, one about my age, the other older, sitting in the pedi chairs. I signed in, turned around after seeing they had the same name (turns out they were father and son) and said "Tell me this is a dare" (please god, cuz otherwise I am in an alternate universe and I don't know how I got here)...well NO, actually the young guy did get a pedi last week on a dare, but liked it so much (I suspect the pretty little Asian girls with the big boobies giving the pedis had something to do with it) he talked dear old dad into getting one today and the two of them are going to the races (that's right NASCAR) this weekend and wanted to get checkered flags on their toes, just to f*ck with all the other guys they are meeting there. Dad chickened out, went sans polish, but the other guy walked out with a checkered flag on each big toe and alternating black and white on the others...I see a pummeling in his future, but I got a good laugh, and the fact that he can go off for a "guys weekend" knowing full well he is gonna take some major ribbing means he must not take himself too seriously, which I think is pretty damn cool.
Hey dad, next time you are down here, wanna go get our toes done?
Monday, February 16, 2009
Happy...what holiday is it? Why am I at home getting paid? Who the hell cares, I'm at home and getting paid! Ok, so it's President's day, a day to celebrate the births of a couple of the founding fathers of this great country we live in...yay. Whatever...I know that sounds terrible, especially coming from someone who spent four years in college studying, of all things, History, and who is a card carrying member of the DAR (did I just admit that? OMG) but I really couldn't care less. When I was younger I would devour reference books, encyclopedias, historical novels...I prided myself on my vast knowledge of all things historical, political, and economic. I would jump into any discussion, no matter how heated, just to impart my wisdom. Now, of course, I realize; I have no real wisdom, and the more I learn the less smart I feel. I no longer will jump into any conversation, especially if it is heated, and/or concerns politics, and I am no longer the girl with the furrowed brow and much to say...I am now the girl with the happy smile, a martini, and a hair flip. I have a mean hair flip, I can out flip a Playboy bunny...but that's beside the point.
So where the hell was I? (hair flip, sip of vodka...kidding)
Ok, so, because of the holiday I was able to hang with the Pea this morning before taking her to school, take my time getting ready, and spend a good hour in a DD sipping coffee and reading a book before heading off to see Mimi. While I was sitting there drinking my coffee and reading, I couldn't help but notice two men, about my dad's age, engaged in a fairly heated discussion. I have no idea if it was about politics or not, and neither were flipping their hair, but I got a chuckle because it made me remember my conversation with Smash last night, and sorry Dad, but I have to share.
Smash: "Yeah, so guess what? Dad has a bromance goin' on."
me: "Ha, no way! Dad? Nooooo"
Smash: "Yes, he has a new best friend he hasn't stopped talking about, they have lattes together and talk, we are teasing him mercilessly, hee hee...just saying bromance makes him get all red in the face."
me: "OMG, that's hilarious, do they get pedicures too?"
Smash: (Dad! you been getting pedis? K wants to know) "He just threw his beer bottle at me."
Ok, so NO, my dad didn't throw his beer bottle at my sister (it was a can) and of course my dad hasn't suddenly switched sides, but why is it that even us "evolved" girls can't let a man have a friend without much teasing. I mean, hell we girls will sit and chat for hours, drinking coffee, being silly, we get pedis and call each other honey, and hug and cry, and never think twice about it. Do we just like the word bromance and get satisfaction in making a grown man blush? I dunno, not exactly a big life issue or something that needs heated discussion about, but something to ponder.
So to Dad, and hell, all guys out there, I say go for it..go have coffee with your bros, talk about dead presidents (and by that I mean feelings, of course), whatever...and then, just for good measure, get your toes done and hug...don't worry, I won't tell.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Those of you who read regularly know I love TheFrisky.com and especially love hot writer man John DeVore. Every Wednesday he publishes The Mind of Man and it is always awesome and I always look forward to reading. This week it didn't come out until today, and yesterday I was bummed cuz I thought he had taken the week off...well let me tell you, it was worth the wait...I hope you will take a few minutes to read it. http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-mind-of-man-what-i-learned-from-my-mother/
Gigi sent me this as a FWD awhile back and I opened it at work...WELLLL...I DO NOT recommend watching at work cuz it's a little dirty, but it is HILARIOUS. I was cleaning out my inbox tonight, getting rid of all those old emails that I mark as new with the intention of going back and responding to or re-reading and never do and ran across it...LOL.
I have posted a link to Uncle Jay before, and some weeks he is fantastic and others pretty good...I thought this week was pretty f*ckn awesome, but in scrolling through some of the old ones I found one on blogs...OMG too funny, and the comments posted by viewers are even better. Check it out: http://unclejayexplains.com/2007/09/24/uncle-jay-explains-the-news-september-24-2007/
Ok, that's it for now...I am off to watch My Boys...
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I was four days overdue and pissed off as hell about it. Two weeks earlier I decided I was ready, she was cooked, and I wanted to get the show on the road...unfortunately for me, nothin' was happening. I was walking everywhere I could, including the golf course, playing nine holes at a time whenever I got the chance, and molesting DH whenever he would allow it cuz sex and walking were SUPPOSED to move things along. I think some crazy male doctor made that shit up to get his wife to f*ck him and then go for a long walk and get out of his hair...regardless, if you had told me standing on my head singing would bring on labor I would have propped myself upside down in a corner and belted out tunes all day, taking breaks every five minutes to eat and pee.
Somewhere around 10pm I started getting contractions...I had just molested DH and good and he was sacked out next to me, snoring. I tried to go to sleep cuz all the books tell you it is going to be a long road and you need to store up your energy blah blah blah...at that point they were coming about every ten minutes apart and while slightly uncomfortable, not hard at all to deal with. Ok, fast forward a few hours...NO sleep, still timing, still ten minutes apart, DH still sacked out snoring. I decided to go downstairs and walk, again cuz I was told it would make things move quicker. My house at the time was fairly large and you could make a circle from the family room, through the hall, through the dining room, into the kitchen, around the island and back to the family room, and I did...about ten thousand times. I walked from around midnight to 5am while my contractions went from 10 to 8 to 5 minutes apart.
I decided, around 5am, to let DH and mom (she was in town for the birth) know I was in labor. My plan was to labor at home as long as I could stand it, get to the hospital and be told I was 8 cm dilated and have that baby popped out before I could think about it...ah ha hahahahh aha aha hahh aha ha ah ahahahhahhahhha...best laid plans. Ok, so I was in labor, contractions were about 5 minutes apart, and I realized there were going to be all kinds of people seeing me naked and spread eagle and the least I could do is make sure I was clean, smellin' nice, and shaved. I waddled upstairs to the shower and attempted, between contractions, to get my legs, underarms, and she-she hair free, get my hair washed, and kill about an hour. May sound silly, but looking back, and knowing what I know about the 3 days after the birth when I was unable to do any of the above, I am actually damn glad I went to all that trouble. So, now it is about 6am, the contractions were still about 5 minutes apart but they were getting longer and stronger and I called the doctor and my doula (a hired birth coach, who I would have paid a million dollars to if I could have) to tell them I was in labor.
It was 6am, so of course I got the doctor's answering service, and of course since I wasn't screeching they didn't page her 911, so by the time she called back (an hour later) my contractions were about 2 minutes apart and despite wanting to stay home she told me to get my ass to the hospital and she would meet me there. I HATE HOSPITALS...that bears repeating: I HATE HOSPITALS...lemme say that one more time for effect cuz really, I don't think you understand: I HATE HOSPITALS...by the time I got there however, I was in so much pain, and so ready to be there that I was GLAD they admitted me. GLAD. Here is the sucky part: despite my contractions now coming 2 minutes apart and lasting 1 minute I was ONLY 2 cm dilated (for the guys: you have to get to 10). I spent the next 10 hours stuck in a hateful place in which the Pea, "sunny side up" proceeded to press her little skull against my spine, instead of cervix, every 2 minutes for about a minute at a time. The result was: I felt like I was getting run over by a truck every other minute, and was NOT dilating.
According to DH: I moaned, said "Oh jeezus" and yelled at him to rub my back HARDER, HARDER even though he was, he thought, beating the hell out of me. I have a potty mouth like you read about...I say f*ck not just daily, but hourly...I like words like wh%re, c$nty, b#tch, and g-damn...how I went all that time without a SINGLE cuss word still confounds me to this day. I don't go ANY 12 hour period of time without, throw in pain and being in a place I hate to be, still not sure how that happened.
OK, so there I was, in so much pain I couldn't think, and the doctor told me things were not progressing and I should consider a C-section and I asked for an epidural "So I can have a break and think." I had not wanted an epidural and had told the doula to discourage it if I asked, but by the time I asked EVERYONE wanted me to get one, and despite it not working the first time and having to get it fixed, by the time it did kick in: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, SWEET RELIEF. To this day I am in love with the anesthesiologist (no, not really, but I could be).
ONE HOUR, ONE M*THRF%CKING HOUR later I was fully dilated. Took +- 20 hours to go 2cm and then one hour to go the rest...unreal. I laid there about 45 minutes, getting my bearings and getting ready (yes, despite thinking I was ready, once I actually was, I still kinda freaked out). I pushed for 45 minutes and then at 10:15 pm the Pea was born.
It was all surreal and amazing and all those other cliche things people say, and looking back I know no matter how it went down, it would have been worth it. I am healthy, the Pea is healthy, and despite a few changes to my body that still baffle me, the changes to my mind are what I am most thankful for. Having the Pea changed the way I think about EVERYTHING...and I am so glad...next time though, (if there is one) I will be calling for my epidural on the drive to the hospital.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Sorry...no, Bob and I have not been holed up in my room...my hands are not occupied elsewhere, I am fine...truth is: I am better than fine, and the NOT writing is more a result of not HAVING to write than anything else. When I started this blog I was writing nonstop...everyday, sometimes two, three times a day: I HAD to write to process my feelings, rant, vent, whine, moan, whatever. As it progressed and when it went public I edited out most of the venting and whining and just allowed the stories to express where I was and how I was feeling. Now, despite still having stories I want to tell, I no longer NEED to get out into the world all my stuff in order to process and work through my feelings.
Ya know the five stages of grief? I am finally at acceptance, and with that, an overwhelming sense of peace. I spent a long time in denial, even longer in bargaining...anger was fast and furious, and sadness left me exhausted and dehydrated...now I'm here, in this place that is so foreign to me I almost don't know how to handle it, and yet completely at peace and pretty damn happy. It isn't like I woke up last week and thought "OK, then, today I accept and now I move on." No...it was more I woke up day after day over the last few weeks without the sadness, anger, or panic...I started waking up thinking about my day instead of my life...I started going to bed at night NOT thinking at all. I found myself not worrying about whether or not I was "putting myself out there" and actually started doing it...I flirted with a boy...I got my moxie back. I stopped pining, wishing, and hoping and started accepting, enjoying, and doing.
I haven't written in a week because I needed a break from it, from me and my old self...from the "story" that I have been telling...from the grieving that I have been doing. I needed to regroup, refresh, and breathe...now I'm back. Tomorrow I will have a story.