Crazy in Carolina

twitterpated

2012-02-18T12:58:00.000-05:00

Regular readers have probably noticed I haven't written in a few weeks.

I've been busy falling for a guy.

Pining, daydreaming, and naughty texting, is very time consuming. I have also been somewhat conflicted about whether or not to even write about him, or the budding relationship, out of fear that he would get upset, or not like having our stuff out there.

Alas, my need to write overrode all that, and here I sit, typing away (and periodically naughty texting). For now I will call him TheGuy. We are in that brand new, mushy, and somewhat ridiculous phase, and loving it. We are twitterpated...

Funny how everything in my life I can somehow relate to Disney....

I'm not sure why, but for some reason he not only tolerates me and my crazy life, but seems to actually like it. I have put it all out there, been brutally honest, acted myself, and turned off the filter, and he is still around. Usually I can run off a guy I like in a week, easy...it's been two and with each day, he appears to actually like me MORE. Frightening. We have agreed to NOT date, in fact he is not allowed to ask me out EVER again (yeah, he is the one that got the panicked phone call), and that somehow works for us.

He keeps me laughing, I keep him on his toes, and with any luck it will stay that way awhile.

all about the box

2012-02-05T12:39:00.001-05:00

I got a really nice email this morning, and in it a compliment about my writing...I was flattered, and humbled. I share because I need to process things for myself and because on some level I feel like I am doing something more than just taking up space. If I am contributing I am not a failure. I'm not curing cancer, or saving lives, but if I make someone laugh, or I help someone not feel alone, then at least I can feel some sense of accomplishment. Getting positive feedback motivates me to write more, which ultimately helps me. So thank you readers, for helping me feel whole, and because you requested I re-run this one, here ya go: The Christmas of the Box.

July '08
Wow, I have actually been so busy the last few days I haven't been able to write...I actually had to work at work...imagine that.

So, on Thursday, I had to sit through a class on transporting hazardous goods...fun and games right? Well the instructor thought so. He thought it was THE most exciting and interesting stuff EVER, the rest of us...not so much. It did, however, make me remember this past Christmas, and I must share.

See, the instructor kept using the word BOX whenever he was referring to any kind of package at all; I swear he said it 52 times in the first few minutes. My mind can't help but veer off the straight and narrow, right into a ditch in naughty land, so I sat there thinking about the safe handling and transporting of vaginae, and my baby brother, and somehow managed NOT to laugh out loud.

I'll explain.

December of last year, Smash, J, JJ and Boo are coming down to our house to celebrate Christmas...my parents decide they are going to just ship "all our presents" to my house. Every day for a week they call to ask if we "got the box?" and since I usually only talk to mom OR dad once or twice a month I figured this was one HELL of a box, with LOTS of good shit. About 4 days before Christmas we get THE BOX...it's about the size of a shoebox and it's drop shipped from Harry & David...WTF? This can't be it, this had to be an additional box, THE box must be late.

I call mom.

me: "hey there, got a box of somethin' from Harry & David"
mom: "OOOH GOOOD, you got your Christmas presents then"
me: "ummmm, ok, yeah, are they ALL in there, for EVERYONE?"
mom: "yes, yes, and don't open them until Smash and the boys get there"
me: "oh, ok, great...thanks so much!"

Meanwhile I am thinking, "its food, gourmet food, we have a 2, 4, and 6 yr old and it's Christmas - what is that?"

Smash, J, JJ & Boo arrive...I present the box. Smash starts laughing, J is wondering what the hell is so funny and the kids are maniacs because, of course, they think the box is filled with great stuff. We open the box...inside the box is:

MORE BOXES...kid you not.

Five red boxes of assorted size, each one containing some heinous little food with a designer label.

Oh. My. Gawd.

There wasn't enough of any one thing to share amongst 7 people, and there were only 5 different things...let me see if I can remember what they were: fruit cake, fudge, baklava, raspberry cookie bar thing, and......oh who cares.

Anyway, we call mom and dad to "thank them" and they are just so damn proud...these are not 90 yr olds, they are not poor (anymore), and I'm fairly sure they know we have children. We are close to just letting it go and writing it off as our parents being clueless when we happen to ask what Youngest got. Big mistake...HUGE...

He got a box too.

A brand new box...and we are PISSED.

Mom and dad agreed to pay for him to get him a sex change.

J said: "So let me get this straight...the SEVEN of us got a BOX of Harry & David and your brother GOT A VAGINA?!"

And not just a vagina, but hormone treatments, laser hair removal, the works...that shit ain't cheap. Now, granted, my parents have never been big gift givers so it's not like we were expecting a whole lot, but if in order to get them to spend money on us we have to ask for new body parts...hmmm, I think I'll pass. Granted, I would look pretty darn cute with a new nose, and after the baby and all the acne I could use some laser resurfacing, but a new box? No thank you, I'm pretty happy with mine, I definitely don't need a new one.

To this day I can't see anything Harry & David without thinking of those little red boxes, and my brother's vagina.

did it

2012-01-30T20:43:00.000-05:00

I did it! The tree, and all the ornament boxes, are in the attic. I am still not sure exactly how I managed, but I do know I ended up really hot, pretty pissed off, and a little exhausted...I also cussed out everyone from the designer of my house, to Jiminy Cricket, and everyone who ever had anything to do with Christmas, or the making of a Christmas tree. I'm glad the Pea was playing at the neighbors house...no child should see (or hear) her mother like that.

I actually feel a pretty big sense of accomplishment, which indicates a clear lack of noteworthy achievements as of late, but oh well. I got the damn thing put away; I can now get my house back together; I am happy about it.

I am also happy to report that The Pea is actually sleeping...not screaming from the top of the stairs. It is a beautiful thing. Since I don't have anything else to report though, I will just share...I hope at least one makes you laugh.

f*%k!ng sleep

2012-01-29T20:56:00.001-05:00

Well I managed to get all the ornaments off the Christmas tree. My living room is filled with boxes, the now bare tree taunts me, and I have no more energy to deal with it tonight. I'm still not sure how I am going to get the damn thing out of here. It is 9 feet tall, I am just over 5...it weighs almost as much as I do. I have a flight of stairs and a rickety drop stair to maneuver if I want it in the attic, a muddy lawn and spiders if I try and put it under the house. I am considering throwing some hearts and bows on it and calling it a Valentines tree.

Other than the naked tree taunting me, the weekend has been pretty awesome. The weather was fantastic...a nice change from last year, and I was able to get outside and enjoy it. I played 27 holes of golf and then spent the night ~~drinking~~ laughing around the bonfire with the neighbors. I didn't have any more melt downs (it helped no one asked me out) and I had some good snuggle time with the Pea when she came home from her dad's.

Right now she is being a shit and won't go to sleep, though, which makes me think of the book Go the F**k to Sleep. You have heard of this book right? If you are a parent, or about to be one, you need this book. My sister gave me a copy, but if you don't have a sister, or one as cool as mine, I would suggest ordering one for yourself...like now...it is hilarious, and universal, and I am going to go read mine so I can laugh instead of scream at my kid.

http://www.amazon.com/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach/dp/1617750255

"The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run and creep
I know you're not thirsty. That's bullshit. Stop lying.
Lie the f*ck down, my darling, and sleep."

...

"The flowers doze low in the meadows.
And high on the mountains so steep.
My life is a failure, I'm a shitty ass parent.
Stop f*cking with me, please, and sleep."

I just had to threaten her pillow pet with death because she is standing at the top of the stairs screaming that she NEEDS something ELSE...jeezus f*ck...hell, even is SHE isn't, I'M going to sleep.

sassy

2012-01-26T18:48:00.002-05:00

Sassy single girl had a melt down today.

Going through yet another break-up with The Boy hasn't been easy, but I was convinced it was the best thing for both of us, and was determined to move on. We gave it a second chance, we weren't good, we were awful to each other and didn't have fun anymore...life is too short for that mess. I puffed up my chest, dried my tears, put on a happy face (and my skinny jeans, which thanks to the break-up diet I can fit into)...and then I got asked out.

You're thinking "awesome!" "you go girl!" "good for you!" right? Yeah, I was too, and then I had a panic attack. Full blown...crying in the car, freaking the f*%K out, pour a very large glass of wine upon arriving home, panic attack. I then had to CALL the guy I had just agreed to go out with on Saturday night, and explain that ~~I was crazy~~ despite accepting his offer initially, I could not go out after all, because I was not ready to date.

Now there is ANOTHER man on the planet that thinks I am insane. That makes, at least, a dozen.

Awesome.

I am rockin' this single thing.

In a little nod to the old days, when I used to do "S%*t that doesn't suck" I thought I would share this little video...friend of mine says it reminds him of me. Only in my OWN mind am I this cool (or sing this well), but since I needed a little pick me up I listened ~~pretended I was~~ and rocked out. Enjoy.

singles pool

2012-01-22T11:22:00.002-05:00

Well another week has flown by, as they seem to do these days, and I'm sitting here waiting for my little Peanut to decide to come home. She had a sleepover last night, her second ever, and Mama is a little on edge. I'm not worried, just on edge.

I went out, with the neighbors, last night, and I usually only do that when the Pea is with her dad. We all wanted sushi, though and were in need of some grown up time, so we got a babysitter for the kiddos and ventured out. We came back to the kids still awake and begging for a sleepover.

I consider myself very lucky in the neighbor department, I have never had more than a nod and wave relationship with any other ones, but for some reason this time it's different. They are my friends. I trust them with my house, my dog, and my kid. There are four couples, four kids, five dogs, and me. I have always felt like an outsider in my family, I don't fit in with the girls at work, and my near and dear besties all live far away. Finding family in my neighbors was a blessing that I never expected.

One of my resolutions this year (as it is most years) is to be more authentic, more honest. I still try to adhere to the "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all rule" because saying "Yes, yes you do look fat in those pants" or "I wish I could punch you in the face right now" is frowned on (especially at work) and I don't go around telling store clerks "I'm on my period, pissed off as hell, and a little gassy" when they say "How are you doing today?" but with my real relationships, the ones that matter, I'm doing a better job of being real, and owning who I am and what I believe.

I find with the neighbors it's easy. I have no problem being brutally honest, totally myself, acting like a dork, saying how I feel, and putting it all out there. It's amazing how comforting that is...it's exhausting being false. One of the reasons The Boy and I went our separate ways was because we had to try too hard with each other. Being ourselves and being completely real and honest just led to arguments. The arguments stopped for awhile, but it became obvious that so too did any real connection.

I am back out there, back in the singles pool, and as much as the idea of dating and all that it entails terrifies me, I'm not ready to settle. I'm ready to be with someone that I can be myself with...my real, loud, crazy, sassy, sarcastic, nerdy, dorky, clumsy, nervous, silly, adventurous, overplan everything, claim to be low maintenance but really high maintenance, one of the guys but really a girly girl, self. Of course that's now, (I have BOB, it's only been a few weeks) we will see if I turn out to be a big fat liar come summer...when the pool gets really crowded, I get really horny, and the neighbors are tired of my crazy ass.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Dr. Seuss

mlk, jr. day

2012-01-16T09:33:00.004-05:00

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's a holiday today and the Pea and I are being lazy. Well, for now. We have big plans to go see Beauty and the Beast and then go out for Mexican, but right now we are snuggled on the couch with the fire going. I love holidays. I love the extra time to spend with my Pea, the extra time to get things done, and every holiday brings a reminder to pay homage, reflect, celebrate, and be grateful.

"Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

dark side

2012-01-14T10:38:00.001-05:00

Crappy picture cuz I took it with my phone.

That's what I had for breakfast (along with a pot of coffee)...they are my newest addiction. Yumm-O! If you happen to be in Disney World today can you pick some up for me? I'm out, and can't get them here. Looks like more withdrawal is in the works for me...damn.

On the bright side...I now have THREE, that's right THREE, trips in the works that I can think about, plan, and get excited about. The Pea and I have our upcoming weekend trip to see the Flower and Garden Festival. Our week long trip in September (that I am still thinking about moving to November) and NOW....it's official...drum roll please..............................................................
November of 2013: Smash and her family are joining us for our (what I have now decided to call) "Beantastic Birthday Trip" All the kids (except MrMan) celebrate their birthdays in the fall and this will be Bean's first trip so there will be a lot of celebrations. If it's like our last trip, we will also celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. We are going to go with a 2 bedroom villa which will give us all plenty of room and the luxury of a kitchen and washer/dryer, and compared to our connecting queen rooms of last time, will be almost twice as much space. I honestly didn't think Smash would EVER want to go back (especially with me and my spreadsheets) but she is ready, and getting excited too. YAY! She has agreed to let me go kookoo crazy planning and create as many spreadsheets and plans as I want, and I have agreed to abandon all the plans and spreadsheets when we get there.

In the meantime, I really do need to get the rest of the UNpacking done from our last trip and once and for all get this house clean and organized. I have exactly 10 hours till the game starts, which means plenty of time to do it, provided I get my ass off this computer and in gear, and then I can park it in front of the tv.

Wish me luck.

withdrawal

2012-01-10T18:42:00.001-05:00

Is it bad that my Christmas tree is still up and I couldn't care less? I think I'm gonna keep it up awhile; it's fake, it's not like it will disintegrate or shoot up in a ball of flames next time I light the fireplace, and it's pretty, so what the hell. I am also leaving my collection of airplanes and flying Santas suspended over the kitchen. They have been grounded all year, I think I should let them fly a bit longer. Truth is, they make me happy, and right now I need a shot of happy.

I'm full on into Disney withdrawal. Pixie dust and magic are way more addictive than booze, just as hard to wean yourself off of (don't laugh, I HAVE weaned myself off booze, I was pregnant once), and apparently just as destructive to relationships (more on that later). There should be meetings. I'm ridiculous, and planning my next trip isn't helping, as I'm getting a bit nervous about it. We are going at the end of March, just for the weekend, before the Pea spends a week with her dad, and the crowd calendar is telling me it will be crazy crowded. Panic attack inducing crowded. As much as I want to go and see all that the Flower and Garden Festival has to offer, I'm a little scared I will end up passing out or curled up in a ball, rocking and drooling.

I planned the trip on a whim, because I had to take leave from work anyway with the Pea out of school and none of the camps or day out places operating, and I had a use it or lose it place to stay. The annual passes I bought in December (knowing we would be back in either September or November) covered admission into the parks and I just so happened to have enough Southwest reward points, the day I checked, to book us both tickets. THEN I checked the crowd calendar. Ooopsie...oh well, a day at Disney is better than a day anywhere else so now on with the planning...which I can now do without any heartache or grief from The Boy. He felt my Disney addiction was getting in the way of our relationship so we parted ways (it may have also had to do with the fact that we had nothing in common, brought out the worst in each other, and never really did get back on track after breaking up, but Disney, and my poor little cow computer, took the blame...poor little cow).

And now it's time to put this cow to bed, because the Pea needs dinner, after that is the sprint to lights out, and before I know it, tomorrow...and more planning...I haven't even started my spreadsheets!

and another thing

2012-01-08T16:08:00.000-05:00

It's hard to see, but there are random pictures and movies being shown, along with the castle transformations.

The Magic, Memories, and You! show is really neat...I didn't get too many good pictures, but the way they transformed the castle was fantastic, and seeing pictures of real people was fun. They showed a picture of the Pea in her Pirate garb (the photog that took it told us to be on the lookout, they must have a say in which ones get shown each day) but it was fast, so there was no chance of getting a picture, by the time I realized it was her, she was gone.

random musings

2012-01-08T10:35:00.000-05:00

It's worth it to get up early. Even if you aren't an early riser and don't want to have to hear an alarm clock on vacation, if you can make it to Rope Drop at Magic Kingdom, just once, DO IT. Being able to explore, without a bunch of others, is WONDERFUL.

Akershus is one of my favorite meals. Obviously it isn't for everyone, but if you want a character meal, AND good food, I highly recommend, it is a great value.

The Seas Pavilion is an awesome aquarium and hidden gem. You could spend an entire day, just there...the fact that it is just a small portion of EPCOT amazes me. If you can catch a dolphin show, or see the Manatees, you won't be disappointed.

Living With The Land was our sleeper ride. We only rode it to kill some time because there was no wait, and ended up loving it. We rode it a three or four times and each time spotted something new.

Never skip an opportunity to bang some drums...always fun, and there just so happen to be lots of opportunities, all over Animal Kingdom Lodge and Epcot.

If you go during the Holiday season, try and catch a few Epcot storytellers. They do more than just tell the stories of holiday celebrations in their native countries, they put on a show...the Pea loved them.

Disney is pretty good at making waiting not terrible. This is in the queue for Turtle Talk with Crush...touch screen video screens with quizzes.

It's a small world...classic...love it!

In need of a flying fix and Dumbo has an hour long wait? Head to Adventureland and the Magic Carpets...

...it's essentially the same, except you aren't flying over Fantasyland.

Every corner was decorated for the holidays. It is a wonderful time of year to visit, if you can tolerate the crowds (which I struggled with on a few occasions...but I have panic attacks in Walmart if I have to go on a Saturday, so perhaps my tolerance is low).

All the trees are huge, wicked huge, and are decorated with some really cool ornaments, themed for the park they are in.

Fireworks are tough to photograph, but fun to watch.

Get a Disney Visa if you plan on going on a regular basis or love Disney stuff. You get a discount on merchandise, you get the opportunity to visit this special character spot and get a free photo, and if you get one of the incentive offers to sign up, you can't beat it. I was able to get a $200 gift card, just by signing up, and only use it for the perks.

Villa accommodations are WONDERFUL. They are bigger than the standard hotel rooms...

...just as nice...

...and have a kitchenette. You have to buy or rent DVC points in order to stay in a villa, but I would recommend it.

Photopass service is wonderful. It isn't perfect and you have to take advantage by stopping at the photogs, but for the most part you get good quality pictures. It doesn't cost anything to get pictures taken, but if you want any of them you have to either buy the individual photos or a photo cd. I went with the photo cd and got about 300 pictures that I now have the rights to do with as I please (personally, can't sell or anything). I use Walgreens, but Walmart, Snapfish, CVS, and others can all make prints, photobooks, gifts, etc. from the pictures.

We actually did a few character meets in the park this time, last year we only met characters at meals. I think you get more interaction and since there is a photopass photog you also get more pictures. I don't think I would wait in an hour long line for any of them though...we caught Daisy as she was walking to her post in the morning and were the first in line.

The Pirates League...

...and Bippity Boppity Boutique are wonderful experiences. I wouldn't say they are a MUST do, but we enjoyed them and I think they are a good value if you bring a costume from home.

The detail, costuming, singing and dancing, at the shows, are all top notch. I am a big fan...it is also a good time during the day to chill out and have a snack.

Nemo show...worth repeating, EXCELLENT.

Ditto for the Lion King.

Every time I saw this warning on a ride I thought to myself "holding hands is acceptable, spontaneous dancing, not so much."

Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is fun, both the Pea and I loved it and we rode as often as we could (as with ANY ride however, not worth an hour wait, which we saw most of the time we were there...FASTPASS IT!)

My henna tat after the paste fell off...it looked nice about a week. This was one of those things I did on a whim, and was pleased with. Fun, but not a must do.

day 8

2012-01-07T09:34:00.000-05:00

Whew...for a holiday week it sure has been long. Getting back into the swing of things has been a little bit of a challenge, I think I had forgotten how busy our days are. I am looking forward to just chilling out today and maybe, maybe, maybe, getting the Christmas stuff taken down and put away. Maybe.

So back to my trip report and our final day in Disney World. We had enough time to go to a park but decided to just relax at the resort instead. We took our time packing up and checking out and headed to Boma for a late breakfast. Boma is ok, some people love it and rave about it, but for me it was just convenient, we had a credit to use, and I knew we would both get full. I was disappointed in the service and the cleanliness. I asked to be moved because there was syrup all over our table and seats, and a bunch of food on the floor, and they scoffed. Really? I finally got a manager and she happily obliged, but then the server acted as if everything was a bother. Very un-disney like and kind of sad for our last meal. After our meal we hung out in the waiting area a bit, listening to the drummers, and then went to the gift shop. I had a few snack credits to use and a little left on one of my gift cards, and wanted to bring some things home for my neighbors, since they were watching the dog. This was the one time I let the Pea wander as long as she wanted and actually buy something. I think we were in there for a good hour. Fun for her, not so much for me.

The "rope bridge in the lobby, we had to cross it to get to our room.

After having all the gift shop I could take I left the Pea to drumming inside and went just outside to the Photo-pass desk so I could scroll through my pictures. I kind of had it in the back of my mind I needed to make sure we had all the shots I wanted before leaving, but looking back I'm not sure I would have actually gone anywhere to rectify the situation, had we not. In any case, I was fairly pleased with the pictures and the photog offered to do a few in front of the tree so we took him up on that, and then we just wandered around.

The pool area...it had a nice mix of shade and sun.

We hung out by the pool for a bit, the Pea got in on some of the kids activities, and we tried hard to not get sad.

One of the kids activities, doing rubbings of the floor.

I scheduled a later flight, thinking we may want to go to a park in the morning, but all I could think of was not getting back in time for the bus to the airport, how we wouldn't have time to do much, and at that point, knowing it was inevitable, just wanted to get home. I won't schedule that late a flight next time. Wandering the resort, just waiting, was a bummer. I liked having time to leisurely pack and check out and then grab a bite to eat, but after that just wanted to go. Oh well, now I know. For our next trip we will get an afternoon flight rather than an evening flight.

The worst ride at Disney, also the quietest...ME TO the airport.

As was the case on our flight down, we (and our bags) arrived home early, and safely...seriously love Southwest...and we headed home to wait for Santa, the next day being Christmas.

I have more pictures I want to share, and more thoughts about the trip overall, I will try and piece it all together into a coherent post this weekend. Right now, however, I am need of more coffee and the Pea wants waffles (which makes me want Mickey waffles, even though I don't even really like them) so I am off. Happy Saturday!

pure magic

2012-01-02T13:37:00.000-05:00

Originally day 7 was a chill day. We were going to enjoy the new room, hang out at the resort, then head to Magic Kingdom for the evening, and our "finale". Well, when the Pea got sick I ended up making it a day out instead and booked a late breakfast at 1900 Park Fare, which had the Mad Hatter and Mary Poppins, and planned an entire day at Magic Kingdom, with a quick hop to Epcot if we felt like it, and THEN the evening festivities. We ended up reverting back to the original plan. After waking up, and trying to hustle to get ready the Pea said "Mom, can we skip breakfast and just sit here and watch the animals?" Thank you, God. "Yes, baby, whatever you want."

*the hallelujah chorus singing in my head*

She had a Mickey rice crispy treat, I had cold medicine and coffee, and we chilled out on the balcony, watching the animals. We stayed in the room for most of the day and it was heavenly.

Standing on the balcony.

I think she enjoyed people watching more than animal watching.

She had an appointment at the Bippity Bopppity Boutique at 6pm and we had dinner in the Castle planned for 8pm. This was our final night...our last hurrah...and while we wanted it to be great, it was also supposed to be the busiest that we would see the Magic Kingdom, so we didn't plan on any rides.

Chip & Dale!

We ventured out about 4, assuming the bus stop would be mobbed, and it would take us forever to get to the park and from the front of the park to the castle. We were pleasantly surprised to not only get on a bus fairly quick, but to get into the park quickly as well. We had plenty of time to stop and see Chip & Dale, and get a few photos on the stroll down Main Street.

When we got to Fantasyland we grabbed a fastpass for Pooh, because I figured we could squeeze it in at some point, and if not, could pass it on to someone else, and since we still had a few minutes to kill, headed into Philharmagic since there was no wait. After the show we got in line for the Carousel. I don't remember exactly what happened, but at some point the Pea sassed me, said something ugly, which garnered a warning, then more sassing, which garnered me pulling her out of the line. Then instantly the line got humongous so we no longer had time to get back in it, and then there was a breakdown, so we headed for the bathroom. For a good 10 minutes she stomped, cried, pouted, and screamed while I wrestled her into her Cinderella dress...there was then another breakdown because she said the dress was terrible and didn't want to wear it (which crushed me because it was my Christmas present to her and I was sure it was the most beautiful princess dress ever).

At exactly 6pm (which is late for me as I am always 10 minutes early for everything) we raced into the Bippity Boppity Boutique, both red faced and teary. At that point I thought for sure the night was gonna be a bust. She wanted to leave, I wanted to give up, and the place was mobbed and running late. There were flustered mommies, pissed off daddies, and cranky princesses all around. We fit right in, but this was not how I pictured our last night, and the one that was supposed to be the most magical.

Turned out to be a good thing they were running a little behind because by the time they called her back (at 6:45) the tides had turned, she was happy and excited and loved her dress, and things were back on track.

Bippity, Boppity, Boo!

She did the middle package (it was around $60) which included hair, crown, make-up, and nails (and they get to keep the make-up and nail polish). The full package includes the princess dress and accessories but is up around $250, I was able to bring a dress that I found on clearance for $25 earlier in the year and accessories that she already had, and she was perfectly happy. She got a ton of compliments on her dress, and I didn't see any other little princesses with that particular one, so I'm glad we went that route.

Your highness...

She also got to do a photo-shoot, which she thoroughly enjoyed, and while I didn't buy any of the shots, they were all put on my photopass account, and since I bought the CD, I now have. After her photo-shoot we checked in for dinner and were taken upstairs. Normally you are greeted by Cinderella and have a few photos taken BEFORE you go upstairs to eat but Cindy was "having tea" when we arrived, so we went upstairs right away, and then were taken downstairs after ordering, for the Cinderella meet. It was all very rushed and chaotic and ~~really~~ kind of pissed me off, because I wanted a nice dining experience, and like to settle in once I am seated...BUT, it was either that, or not see Cindy at all, so we went with it.

The dining room.

Not sure what she was pointing at.

Aurora

And finally! Cinderella

Overall, the dinner was fine, despite feeling very rushed in the beginning...our server was a little too attentive at first, constantly asking how we were, but no where to be found when we had finished our meal, and were just sitting waiting to check out. The Akershus dinner had better character interaction, and felt much more leisurely, it was also a much better value at 1 dining credit, versus the 2 credits we paid for dinner in the Castle. For the Pea though, eating INSIDE the castle was magical and amazing, and she beamed with joy the entire time. Snow White, Belle (in her blue dress), Ariel, and Aurora all came to our table.

Ariel was sassy

Belle was sweet

The food was surprisingly good (I had read many bad reviews), about the same quality as the meal we had had the night before (unfortunately, with that same sauce that tasted like it came from a dry package mix). I liked the asparagus, and the meat was very tender. The Pea had chicken tenders, which were chicken tenders, and was most happy with the Mickey plate and the corn. The dessert trio was fine, looked better than it tasted, and the Pea was overjoyed with her make your own sundae, even though after making it, didn't eat a bite.

Cheese plate

Our Meals

The Make Your Own Sundae that never got eaten.

One happy girl.

We walked out at 9pm and since Fantasyland was deserted (with everyone watching the nighttime parade) we took full advantage. We rode the Carousel a few times, Walked on Pooh (which was great because she finally got to go through the interactive queue and touch the honey wall) then used our fastpasses to ride again, then headed to It's a Small World and rode that twice. About this time I remembered a post on Lines Chat that mentioned riding Dumbo during the fireworks and we got in line for Dumbo. There was about a 15 minute wait (which for Dumbo is good because most of the time we saw 45 and avoided it) and the fireworks started while we were in the queue. We boarded our elephant about halfway through and were up in the air during the finale. It was very cool. I never would have thought to do that if not for reading that post.

She was amazed that her dress "glowed" in the Pooh ride.

She RAN to IASW and all the way down to the boat

I asked the Pea if there was anything else she wanted to do, since this was her last chance, and she said cotton candy and the parade. We grabbed a bag of cotton candy and took our time wandering to the hub. There were far less people than I expected and we grabbed a primo spot. Before we knew it the parade was on it's way. Watching it from the hub, with the Castle all lit up in the background, and my little Pea happy and smiling, was glorious.

Got this shot right as they dimmed the lights for the parade

We took our time leaving, after the parade passed us by, and as we were walking out it started snowing on Main Street...magic, pure Disney magic.

happy new year!

2012-01-01T18:11:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!

It's a new day, a new year, a great excuse to make changes, start fresh, or break a habit. My resolutions are to be more mindful, more in the moment, and more authentic...to get more organized, make better use of my time, be a better parent, and take better care of my body...to be more grateful and gracious, fearless and fierce, and choose happiness. These are essentially the same resolutions I make every year, and every year I become a little bit more of who I want to be...if I live to be 102 I am gonna be awesome.

What are your resolutions? Where do you want to be on January 1st 2013 (provided the world doesn't end in 2012)? What do you want to accomplish? What would make 2012 your best year yet?

And now back to 2011, and day 6 of our trip...

Day 6 required checking out of our standard room and into a Savannah room and also was the start of our Deluxe Dining. I didn't know how the check out/in would go or how long it would take, so the plan for that day was to go to Animal Kingdom, since it was the closest and easiest park to get to from Animal Kingdom Lodge.

I woke up that morning fully aware that I did, indeed, have a cold, and laryngitis. I literally had no voice at all, which the Pea found hilarious, but was quite frustrating for me. I was very glad that I had thought to pack a medicine bag, complete with zinc lozenges and Advil cold and flu (the good kind, that even though is OTC you have to get from the pharmacy, show ID, and sign that you don't have a meth lab in your basement) because I would never have been able to hit the parks without. I normally would have stayed in bed, drinking tea and being lazy, but since that was NOT an option (I was not gonna lose ANOTHER day), I sucked it up, packed up all our stuff, drug it downstairs, and got our new room keys. Our new room wasn't ready (it was 8am, I would have been very surprised if it had been) but the check out/in process was painless, and afterward we headed to the park.

Waiting for the bus

In front of the Tree

We had only 5 things on the agenda: Safari, Tusker House brunch, the Nemo show, Lion King, and the parade. We headed for the Safari first and grabbed a fastpass, then to Tusker House. Navigating was exhausting because it was wall to wall people, and moving from place to place seemed to take forever. I was glad to get out of the crowd and into the restaurant. We had a quiet table in a corner, away from all the action, which for some would have been disappointing, but was perfect for us. Donald is outside and does a quick photo before you go inside (which you have to buy, and probably because I was delirious from the cold meds, did) and then Daisy, Goofy, and Mickey came to our table.

They also do a parade around the restaurant where the kids get to play a musical instrument while following a character and dancing around. The Pea liked Daisy the best and loved being in the parade.

After the parade, a hug from Daisy.

These are all giant puppets, very cool.

A shot of the stage at the end of the show

After our meal, we did the Safari and grabbed another fastpass so we could go again later in the afternoon, then headed over to the Nemo show. The show is fantastic...I love the puppets, the puppeteers are amazing, and the Pea was mesmerized the entire time.

It was back to the Safari after that and then we grabbed an ice cream and a spot and waited for the parade.

Waiting for the ice cream.

We staked out our spot a good hour before the start of the parade to ensure good viewing, and right before the parade started a guy squeezed in next to us and proceeded to record the whole thing on his Ipad, which he held up right in front of my face. I wanted to punch him in his. If I had had any voice at all I would have told him to cool it, unfortunately I didn't, and turned out he was Asian and didn't speak English anyway, so it probably wouldn't have done any good. He also kept reaching out and trying to touch the characters, which made them hightail it away from us and as a result no high fives or interaction for the Pea. I wish a CM had made him stop.

After the parade we had to navigate through a sea of people moving in the opposite direction and felt like salmon swimming upstream. I knew that day would be tough for me and I would struggle because I don't like crowds or people in my personal space, but I had no idea how truly difficult and exhausting it would be. Had this been my first visit to WDW or Animal Kingdom, I would have vowed to NEVER go back. I'm glad our first visit was magical and with much lower crowds.

We ended the day with the Festival of the Lion King. I was afraid there would be a huge line by the time we got there, but we were one of the first and it wasn't long before they let us in. We had a great seat, right behind the handicap seating, in the giraffe section, and sat back and enjoyed the show. We love, love, love all the performers and it was the perfect way to end our day at the park.

This was one of our two days having 3 dining credits so for dinner we did a signature (which "costs" 2 credits). I made reservations at Narcoosses so that we could watch the fireworks from our table and because I wanted us to have a "fancy" dinner. The place itself is beautiful, and we had a table right by the window with a perfect view of the castle. Our server was awesome and treated me like a queen and the Pea like a princess.

The view from our table.

Didn't use flash at all at dinner so the shots are a bit dark.

I dug in before I took this shot, it's a bit mangled.

The food, however, was a disappointment. I had the cheese plate as an appetizer, and it was fine, but I've had better at our local Tapas restaurant, followed by the Surf and Turf. The lobster tail was delicious and perfectly cooked, but the steak was meh. It tasted like pot roast made with one of those packaged gravy things (that are mostly salt and msg). I know my taste buds were compromised with the cold, but it really wasn't good. I expected better quality ingredients and more flavor than salt. I had the cheesecake for dessert and while the presentation was beautiful, the cake itself was just ok. Again, given my cold, I may not have been the best judge.

The reason we ate here.

We took a cab back to the lodge that night, got settled into the new room, and decided we would sleep in the next day.

do-over

2011-12-31T14:01:00.002-05:00

Do-over day.

Day 5 was originally supposed to be at Hollywood Studios. We were gonna make Rope Drop, follow the crowd to Toy Story Mania, grab a fastpass, and then go to Starring Rolls for breakfast. Well, that didn't happen. Instead we took our time getting ready, which included gussying up the Pea in her pirate wear, and headed for Magic Kingdom.

She was bound and determined to do all the Pirate stuff she missed.

Look what I found!

Well, after riding Pirates of the Caribbean with no wait, and me excited to ride again AND grab a fastpass, she decided she was OVER the pirate stuff.

WHA?!

She did not like the little drop, or the part where it feels like you are in the middle of canon fire, and at sometime between 8am and 9am Jack Sparrow went from being her hero, to a scary guy to avoid. I was bumfuddled. I had it all planned out beautifully so that we would be able to take full advantage and was even scheming to make sure she got picked to go onstage for the Tutorial (and by scheming I mean: get there early, and cross fingers).

Off to Pixie Hollow we went...hoping she still liked Fairies by the time we got there.

Still love the Fairies! whew...

There was about a 15 minute wait for the Fairies, which by the time we were done and left, was near 45, so it worked out we went when we did. She thoroughly enjoyed meeting Tink, and on a side note to those who call me Tink sized, just so happens I am. Exactly...except with bigger boobs.

I had made the mistake of mentioning a special treat in Adventureland that we would try at some point during the day (A Dole Whip) and after she asked for about the 15th time if she could have it "NOW?" I gave in. She LOVES pineapple, had a pineapple popsicle in Epcot and said it was "the best thing ev-ah" so I figured I would get her a dole whip and she would exclaim IT was the best thing evah, and because I was the finder of this, would therefor be the best mommy ever. Not so much. She was not a fan, and most of it melted and went in the trash. So sad. So very sad.

She found a buddy to wait for the show with.

Celebrate a Dream Come True

We abandoned Adventureland and headed for the castle. It was about 15 minutes until show time and we were able to grab a good spot to watch it. She really loves the shows and parades so we try to fit in as many as we can. After the show we stayed put because the Block Party Bash was headed our way. I was hoping she would get up and dance, and dance she did. She also got to walk with Dale, which made her day...she came back gushing "Mommy that was so cool, he kissed my hand!"

Walkin' with Dale during Block Party Bash

One of the dinners we had to cancel was with Pooh and friends at Crystal Palace, and while we were not able to get another dinner, we were able to score a lunch, so off we headed after the Bash. This is always a must do for us (I say that like we go all the time...we have been to WDW twice, we have eaten there twice) because we love the Pooh characters, and she likes the kids buffet area.

Winnie the Pooh!

Tigger greeted us right away, then Piglet and Pooh, and finally Eeyore. The characters signed our book and took pictures, and at the end of the lunch the server brought out a birthday card and cupcake and her and the Pea sang Happy Birthday (complete with the Cha-Cha-Cha!). I had forgotten that there was a birthday celebration tied to the reservation, so that was a nice little surprise and extended my celebration a bit.

Apparently not a Sorcerer

Can we go again?

After our lunch I let the Pea lead the way and do what she wanted and for the most part we just enjoyed Fantasyland. We did the Pooh ride and grabbed a fastpass for later, Regal Carousel, Philharmagic, and of course, It's a Small World. We even rode the Liberty Belle a few times, which she said was "so cool." (who knew?) Then she mentioned the trains and my brain got to working and I hatched a plan.
We headed to Frontierland to watch the parade, then beelined it to the Railroad station and rode it all the way to the front of the park. Then we jumped on the Monorail and rode to Grand Floridian so we could catch a bus to Hollywood Studios. I was determined to see the Osborne Lights, and even though the Pea didn't seem all that crazy about the idea she did want to see the Muppet movie, so I bribed her with that in order to not hear too much whining.

Muppets in 3D

I'm convinced we picked up some pixie dust (probably in Pixie Hollow) because it all timed out perfectly. The train, Monorail, and bus all pulled up as we were walking up to them. There was no wait at the Muppets and the lights turned on while we were in the Movie so by the time we got around to going through, the crowd had thinned just enough (it probably helped Fantasmic was going on and a bunch of folks were there) we could go through and get a few pictures. I was a little bummed that the Pea did not enjoy the lights like I thought she would. She LOVES holiday lights, we drive around every year, every chance we get, and just look, and have heard on more than one occasion "MOM, MOM, MOM, LOOK! they have a reindeer, ooooh, and a Santa! WOW" but I think in this case it was just too much for her. I hate to say it, but because there was so much, and it was so perfect, the little things got lost...she didn't know where to look.

We jumped a bus to the Contemporary, and then the Monorail back to Magic Kingdom, and got ready for the parade. I staked out an absolutely perfect spot, an hour ahead of time, right on the ropes and in a corner, because she wanted so badly to see it...and she slept through it.

Looking back on the trip it was one of our better days, mostly because it just fell into place. Our two "plans" got scrapped, and some of the things I thought she would love she didn't, but she loved some of the things I didn't know she would, and I started to feel confident that I could get us around without too much stress.

The Disney transportation system is fantastic but can be very overwhelming and confusing. On our first trip we ended up on the wrong monorail, wrong boat, and wrong bus, more than once, and as a result lost valuable time...this time I had it down, and it felt good.

It may seem crazy to research and learn before a vacation, but I am glad I spent so much time doing just that. Knowing ahead of time how the transportation worked, knowing which rides get busy when, knowing which things to show up ahead of time for, and which things you can stroll over to as they start, really allowed us to wing it and not spend all our time in lines or frustrated because we didn't have a good view. If I could give only one piece of advice for first timers (or those who haven't gone in years) it would be: research. Learn as much as you can, look at the maps AHEAD of time, and get a general knowledge (or an app on your phone) of how to get around.

best. day. ever.

2011-12-29T22:02:00.002-05:00

Day 4 was my birthday.

My birthday wish came true.

The Pea woke up, sat up, looked at me with wide eyes, put her hand on her belly, and exclaimed "Mama, I feel bettah!"

Whoo! Hoo! We are off to Epcot!!!

From day one of planning I knew I wanted to spend my birthday in Epcot. We hadn't spent much time there on our first trip and I felt like there was so much more I wanted to see and do, and that would be the perfect day to do it. I wanted to see the Candlelight Processional and ride Soarin' and watch the fireworks...and that is exactly what we did.

The Animal Kingdom Lodge gets a bad rap when it comes to their busses, but we never had a problem. Leaving the resort we never waited more than 15 minutes, and most of the time it was around 5. On that morning we walked up to the bus stop as the bus pulled up to the stop. I knew we were off to a good start at that point. After arriving at the park and getting our rental stroller we headed to The Land for our "tickets" to Soarin.

We rode Living with the Land one time, just for good measure, and then headed over to The Seas. We rode Nemo, Talked with Crush again, and then happened upon the dolphin show. After spending what seemed like an ETERNITY in the gift shop "Mom, can we buy this?" "No." "How about this?" "No." "I like this." "No." "You never let me get ANYTHING...you are mean." "I know." "How about this?" I was able to drag her outside for a snack.

I wanted to get a free picture and have some character interaction so I took advantage of the Disney Visa Character Spot. We got there at 12:30 and were the 4th family in line. I was excited because it gave us an opportunity to sit for a bit and rest, with a guarantee of seeing a few characters at 1pm. Well at 1pm the line was damn near a mile long and still no CMs, no characters, nothing going on. I wondered aloud why they hadn't started yet and was told by the family in front of me that it started at 1:30. Oh. Dear. God. If I had known that I wouldn't have done it, but since we were already there and wouldn't have another chance to come back, we stayed. It was the longest wait of the entire trip. I'm not a fan of lines, or waiting in them, and when our time came it was worth it, but never again. I got a birthday hug from Mickey, and we got some cute pictures out of the deal.

Our reservation for the Candlelight Processional lunch package was at Coral Reef in the Seas Pavilion, at 1:45, so as soon as we were done we headed over and checked in. Despite getting a lot of bad reviews, I rather liked it. My steak was good (I know, I know, you don't order steak at a seafood restaurant, but I'm not big on fish and eating them while watching them swim around just seemed weird to me) and while I am sure there are some better values in Epcot that was our only option for the lunch CP so I took it (because again, not a fan of lines, and heard to do the CP without the lunch/dinner package you must stand in one hellava line). The Pea LOVED it, and made sure everyone in the place knew when the shark was swimming by with her "MOM, MOM, MOM, there's the shark!" My server was fantastic and the food came out quickly and was hot, so no complaints there, but getting seated was a bit of a cluster f*%k and the bathrooms are WAAAY too small for a restaurant that size. I had the fried shrimp appetizer, which when I peeled off half the breading was perfect, and the steak. The Pea had the kids pizza, but only ate her fruit, and half my mashed potatoes. We took our dessert to go (and it ended up falling off the top of the stroller and exploding all over the sidewalk somewhere near France) because we still had to ride Soarin and get to the American Pavilion for the show.

Very cool atmosphere

A little dark, no flash, but good food.

Shrimp Appetizer.

Candlelight Processional was nice. I was a little worried the Pea would get antsy and bored, but it was something I really wanted to do and luckily, she seemed to enjoy it. For me, it would not have been worth waiting in an hour long line (or worse) but the music was amazing and I enjoyed listening to Trace Adkins tell the story. Trying to navigate the stroller towards Morocco afterwards however, almost made me lose all the happiness and spirit of Christmas I had just filled my heart with.

I didn't take pics during the show, just wanted to relax and enjoy, this is at the end.

Mo'Rockin was on stage as we strolled up and we stopped to enjoy the show. The musicians are pretty phenomenal, but are upstaged by the belly dancer, so probably don't get the props they deserve. The Pea and I were mesmerized, and I tried not to gawk like all the guys, but caught myself doing it more than once. When they were done we wandered through the shops, I got a henna tattoo, and then we went back for another show. I had wanted to eat at the restaurant in Morocco so we could see the belly dancer (and because I love that kind of food) but we couldn't fit it in. It was nice to stumble across this show because I hadn't realized they had a dancer, and the music was better than I anticipated.

I have a video but blogger wouldn't let me upload it...I will try again another time.

After Morocco we had some time to kill so we wandered through France and the UK. Again, we stumbled on a show. British Revolution was just starting to do their thing and we parked ourselves right in front and enjoyed. At the end of the set they sang the Beatles Birthday song to me (and the other 3 people celebrating their birthday that day, which I chose to pretend weren't there) and I let the Pea use my camera to take a picture of me with the band. It came out great, but then she wanted to take pictures of everything and after watching her drop her camera on the pavement 3 times, I wasn't about to hand over mine; and every time I wouldn't let her, she reminded me that she took a picture of me with the band, and didn't drop it then. Oy.

About this time I started feeling bad...I knew I was coming down with something (the hacking, sneezing, funk nasty that 60% of the park visitors had, and shared with me) and we headed for a gift shop so I could get some cold medicine. I brought some with me, but of course it was back in the room, and it was still my birthday and I was going to enjoy the rest of it, so there would be no going back to room until we had to. After our quick pit stop we headed to Mexico to ride Gran Fiesta (twice) and then to the VIP fireworks viewing area.

Hidden Mickey in Gran Fiesta

It was nice having a place to sit and not have people all up on us, but as far as viewing, I think I had a better spot on our first night. There was a light pole and some bushes that obstructed our view a bit, but overall, it was lovely. When it was time to mush with the masses I tried my hardest to just go with the flow and squash my urge to ram people with the stroller. When we finally were spit out at the exit I had two choices: bus or cab...flashback of our first night: watching two full busses pull away while hearing "but mommmmmy, I wanna gooooooooo nooooooww," the Pea falling asleep in my lap, struggling to carry her off the bus and walk up the hill to the lobby before remembering my backpack (with our room keys, ID, credit cards, cash, APs, camera, etc) was still under my seat on the bus, dropping the Pea and yelling "RUN BABY RUN!" while she stands there half asleep and bewildered, me in a full sprint back to the bus stop, banging on the door of the bus while running along side of it as it pulls out of the bus stop until it finally stops, reaching down between the legs of the man, now sitting in the seat I had been, to grab my bag while he and his wife look at me bewildered, walking the eighteen thousand miles back to my room, still winded from the run...yeah, we took a cab. Pretty sure we were back at the lodge before the first bus, and prett y sure we would have, once again, been on the third.

Upon arriving back at the hotel I had a package waiting for me; Smash had mailed me a birthday present.

Best. Day. Ever.

arrrrghh and pity me lass

2011-12-28T20:57:00.000-05:00

Day 2! (and 3)

After getting back to the lodge at midnight, and then unpacking and settling in, the last thing I imagined we would be doing was getting up at 7am to hit the Magic Kingdom at opening, but that is exactly what we did. I knew from reading on Touring Plans (http://touringplans.com) and the Dis Boards (http://www.disboards.com/) that getting there early was the way to go, but neither the Pea nor I are early birds, so I wasn't betting on us. We ended up missing "Rope Drop" by a few minutes, but were still one of the first to arrive and the park was nearly empty. We managed a quick meet with Daisy and then strolled down Main Street.

Good Morning Daisy!

Thank you Photopass for taking pictures of the Pea AND me.

He made that out of water in the street, with a broom!

We caught a CM (cast member aka Disney Employee) getting creative and managed a shot of the castle without any other people in it. It was also the only time (while we were there) that the Castle was open to walk through...I wish we had spent more time inside and taken some pictures, but I just assumed we would have another opportunity.

Our plan was to hit Space Mountain for a quick ride and a fast pass, but about halfway there we aborted the mission and decided instead to hit the Regal Carousel and just ride.

I think we were able to ride four times without getting off (because there were so few people in line) and when she finally had her fill we grabbed a fastpass for Peter Pan and rode It's a Small World twice.

The Pea's favorite ride is It's a Small World...followed closely by Living with the Land, then the Gran Fiesta Tour. If you aren't familiar, these are all rides that you sit in a flat bottom boat and float through changing scenery.

We were able to use our fastpasses for Peter Pan right after IASW and then we headed over to Tomorrowland.

No Standby line for us...no way.

spinning, spinning, round, and round

On our way we stopped for a quick ride on the Teacups and then walked on Buzz Lightyear. After Buzz the Pea was acting cranky and saying she wanted to go back to the room so I figured it was time to rest...I decided we should do the Laugh Floor, thinking the sitting down and laughing would do us some good.

It didn't seem to help so we headed to Cosmic Ray's for a snack. She ate a few grapes, but said she wasn't really hungry.

Again, didn't seem to help. At that point I called the Pirates League to see if we could change her reservation (she was scheduled for a Pirate Make-over/experience after lunch and had been really looking forward to it). We had no luck changing and the Pea was adamant that she was done for the day. I honestly didn't know what to do because I knew how badly she wanted that Pirate make-over, but here she was saying she just wanted to leave. At that point I was convinced the combination of an early flight, long day, not much food, and even less sleep was to blame and she just needed to rest. The walk to the bus stop, the ride back to the hotel, and the walk to the room would be silly and would only give us about 30 minutes before we would have to turn around and do the reverse to get back to the park so we just found a bench and she curled up on my lap and fell asleep.

She woke up to the sounds of the Block Party Bash and wanted to go see it.

We headed for the Hub, grabbed a prime spot, and watched it go by. When she wanted no part of getting up and dancing I knew it wasn't going to be as easy as just waiting for her second wind. She spotted another little girl in a stroller and told me if she had a stroller she would be fine. I didn't think she would need a stroller on this trip and so didn't bring the $25 umbrella stroller that I bought for the last trip (big mistake, HUGE) BUT, we walked a TON the first day and I got to thinking maybe she just hit a wall. We headed for the front of the park to rent a stroller. $40 lighter, with me pissed off as hell and her happy, we headed to Adventureland and the start of our Pirate Adventure. First, Magic Carpet ride, then the Pirate Experience and the Pirate Tutorial, maybe a dole whip or dole whip float, then ride Pirates of the Caribbean, and Jungle Cruise, and then who knows...maybe it would be time for the parade...maybe we could use one of our fastpasses (we had grabbed Space Mountain while in Tomorowland and both Mickey and Princesses while at the front of the park getting the stroller)...whatever we did, we were gonna have fun and make the most of a nearly empty park and then we were going to take the boat to the Grand Floridian for our dinner with Cinderella and the Step Sisters!

She got her pirate name...

...and took the pirate oath.

bwaahahahahahaaaaaa...best laid plans.

The Pea puked at the Pirates League...

Her sash and her sword were hastily thrown in a bag...she didn't do her photo session, cuz let's face it, no one wants to see, be in, or take pictures of a puking kid, no matter how cute she is...and I ran for the bus, throwing my fastpasses at a lady who looked like she was struggling with a baby, a hyper kid, and a half asleep husband.

Without thinking about the fact that I could be stuck there for DAYS, I headed straight for the room to get the Pea to bed, thinking that after a few hours of sleep she would be ok, and we would be having dinner with the Step Sisters. She has talked about how funny the step sisters were and how she couldn't wait to see them again, all year long. When it became clear that she was sick, not just tired, and I had to cancel our dinner (and there were no openings the rest of our stay) we cried. I know it sounds silly, but I knew how badly she wanted to go and I wanted her to be able to go. She has NEVER been as sick as she was that night (which I consider lucky, but still...)

I spent the next 24 hours: pacing, sitting on the balcony, sitting on the couch, sitting in the bed, feeling her forehead, holding her hair, wiping tears (hers and mine), cleaning vomit, pacing more, checking facebook and lines (http://m.touringplans.com/wdw/chats) on my phone, and drinking wine. The only thing I had in my room to eat or drink was wine, coffee, and a half of a bottle of Gatorade. This wasn't a problem initially, but proved to be, when 30 hours later, we were still in the room.

I couldn't leave her because she was either sleeping or barfing and I didn't have anyone I could send for food or drinks. At first it was just a bummer, then I got a little panicked. I finally called the front desk and explained my plight and they were kind enough to send up bottled water (after much hemming and hawing, and a call back an hour later, and a $14 room service charge) but given what it took to get that, I wasn't about to order food for myself. I blew our budget renting the stroller as it was and I didn't want to worry about money the whole rest of the week.

On the evening of day 3, after cancelling another dinner, it became obvious I was gonna have to do something. I was stir crazy and starving, and even though the Pea wasn't up for doing anything, she was at least coherent enough that I was comfortable leaving her for a few minutes. I bit the bullet, called XDH, and asked him to talk to her while I ran downstairs...literally ran. It wasn't until after I got back to the room and happened to walk by a mirror that I realized I was in PJs and looked like death. The CMs must have thought I was out of my mind, or hopped up on drugs, the way I came tearing into the restaurant. I think I shouted my order for a flat bread pizza and a kids macaroni and grabbed a few drinks and a coffee cake while it was cooking. Everyone else in the place was standing there patiently waiting for their food and milling over their choices at the coolers and I was a whirling dervish grabbing whatever was in reach. I threw it all in a bag and ran back upstairs. Those of you familiar with Animal Kingdom Lodge can appreciate that I probably logged a good mile on that little jaunt...those that are not, take my word, the place is huge, and our room was on the opposite end of the resort from the restaurant.

When I got back to the room and saw that the Pea was still there, in one piece, and still on the phone, I breathed a sigh of relief and plopped myself down on the couch. The Pea was able to eat some of her mac and cheese, jello, and applesauce (and more importantly, keep it down) and I was able to scarf my flatbread. Sorry I don't have a picture, but I wasn't thinking pictures in that moment, I was thinking "oh my God this is so good and I'm so hungry can't stop must eat num num num num num num nummmmy." I had the chicken, it was good, spicy, and crunchy, and definitely a recommend if you happen to be at Mara.

We watched the Disney Channel and cuddled that night, and went to bed hoping that the next day would be better. It was.

welcome home

2011-12-27T20:21:00.002-05:00

We're back! We got home Christmas Eve and had a wonderful Christmas morning, and now the Pea is with her dad and I am back to the grind. There were a few bumps in the road and things didn't go according to plan (do they ever?) but overall it was a fabulous trip. I am still recovering from the cold I picked up from one of the thousand kids that sneezed and/or coughed on me, but I'm on the mend and ready to share our first day.

Our flight was great, we arrived early, and there was no one in line for the Magic Express when we got downstairs. I figured they would wait until a few more people showed up before they let us on the bus, but to my surprise they ushered us right on, and off we went.

Are we there yet?

Yes!

Jambo!

The lobby tree at Animal Kingdom Lodge.

Our room.

The carpet...can you spot the hidden Mickey?

After checking in we headed for our first park...EPCOT!

EPCOT

First stop: The Land Pavilion.

We were too late for Soarin' fastpasses and both starving, so we grabbed some grub. I dug right in before remembering my plan to feed my food porn addiction, and was practically done by the time I took this shot...oopsie. There WERE four pieces of Tuna. The Pea told me I was weird every time I took a shot of our food. Every. Single. Time.

Ahi Tuna with noodles, kids chicken and taters, strawberry shortcake.

This ended up being one of Pea's favorite rides.

Next stop: The Seas Pavilion, for Turtle Talk with Crush.

And then...off to World Showcase!

EPCOT's tree...it had big balls.

Storyteller in China

Storyteller in Norway

School Bread-yum!

After some aimless wandering it was time for our dinner at Akershus Royal Banquet Hall and our first of 3 planned dinners with Princesses.

Princess Belle greeted us at the door, and then we were escorted to our table.

There was a cold buffet with meats, cheeses, salads, etc.

I don't know if it was because it was before either of us got sick and lost our appetite, or it really was the best meal, but it surpassed all our others.

Pea had the kid's Meatballs, I had the Mushroom Ravioli.

Cindy, Aurora, Snow White, and Ariel all came to the table to chat and sign the Pea's book.

After dinner we staked out a nice spot to relax while we waited for Illuminations to start.

Illuminations: Reflections of Earth.

After the fireworks we headed for the exit...along with every one else, and two hours later we were finally back in our room. We decided that the next time we left a park at closing we would take a cab. Watching as two full buses pulled away, and then cramming ourselves onto the third, was just no fun and we got back to the room far later than I wanted to. We had resting up to do for our day 2...Pirate Day!

almost

2011-12-16T20:26:00.001-05:00

Well...I think we are ready. Bags are all packed, house is clean enough, Pea is asleep. In 12 hours we should be landing in Orlando...12...we are almost there!

I am not taking my computer so you won't hear from me for at least a week, but when I come back there should be pictures galore, a few rants, hopefully more raves, and a couple of reviews.

:)

32

2011-12-15T22:53:00.000-05:00

I did it!! I'm packed! Well, not completely, but enough that I no longer feel a huge weight on my shoulder and an impending sense of dread. I can get excited again! AND I have 32 hours to remember all that I forgot and cram it in my bag. Tomorrow I clean the house, write one more blog post before I go (and if I get really ambitious try to figure out the mobile blogging thing) and THAT'S IT...double woot!

Now I just have to figure out how to get down off this 5 Hour Energy/red velvet cupcake high I am on, so I can go to sleep.

59

2011-12-14T19:51:00.003-05:00

Less than 3 days...

59 hours until take off.

I'm a little stressed, and as much as I want Saturday morning to be here, I am simply not ready. There is still MUCH to do and my energy level is waning. Tonight was supposed to be the gathering of everything we will need for the trip, the sorting into piles, and the cleaning of the house. Thus far none of that has been done. Instead I had to help the Pea with an hour of homework (seriously?! ITS KINDERGARTEN...) and then the bedtime routine...I'm exhausted and I haven't even started.

I'm thinking I will just bag the plan and go to bed...start fresh tomorrow and power through with Monster and chocolate.

58 hours...50 minutes...

whoo hoo

4

2011-12-13T19:01:00.000-05:00

Four

I have four days to get a whole lot done. There are parties at school and work that have to be prepared for. There are Christmas cards that have to be addressed and mailed. There is laundry to be finished and folded. I have to dye my hair and paint my toes, pack my suitcases and carryon bag, and figure out once and for all how to work my damn camera so I can post pictures and make you wish you were there.

:)

4

yay!

T-5

2011-12-12T18:23:00.002-05:00

5 days...five...cinco

5

Today was a typical Monday in that is was busy, I got home late, and I am tired. As much as I would love to pour over my Disney stuff, it's not gonna happen. I am doing laundry, so that I don't have to worry about it again before we leave, and snuggling with the Pea. I am accomplishing enough to feel like I am doing something, but since the washing machine and dryer do most of the work, and force a 45 minute break while they do their thing, it's not too taxing.

Did I tell you I have 5 more days?!

fiverooni

:)

day 6

2011-12-11T09:39:00.001-05:00

An explosion of Princess and Mouse.

Let the packing begin...

I started planning this trip over a year ago, and have been gathering stuff ever since. If it is Disney and on clearance I am probably gonna buy it and stash it in my guest bedroom closet. Some of this stuff I forgot I had and it was like Christmas for me as I opened each bag to reveal the contents inside. I am on a fixed and pretty tight budget so shopping in the parks is out of the question. We don't even go into the stores. One of the things I like best about Disney World is with very few exceptions, everything is included. Every show, every ride, every parade, is paid for with admission. You can spend all day in the park and not spend a dime. I pay for my airfare, room, park tickets, and dining ahead of time, so there are no surprises. I don't like surprises that cost me money. We are splurging a bit on some fun experiences and I'm sure I will get myself an adult beverage ~~or six~~ but I'm lucky enough to have a gift card for that and it's all been planned to within a dollar (on a handy dandy spreadsheet).

I don't know if it comes from growing up poor, or is just my personality type, but not being in control ~~of everything~~ of my money stresses me out. Like "WHERE THE HELL IS THE PAPER BAG I'M HYPERVENTILATING HERE!!" stressed out. I also have to feel like I am getting a crazy good deal on anything I buy. I research EVERYTHING, and always read the fine print. Because I don't want to embarrass myself, or my kid, in Disney World, I plan it all out ahead of time. That way, I can relax, and not have a panic attack, while on vacation...not in the park anyway, if it happens in my room I will just have a glass of wine and try to remember to breathe.

Note to self: must make room in the suitcase space plan for the box of wine...

7 days

2011-12-10T08:37:00.001-05:00

Wow, wow, wow...it has been forever! As of late, I have been having computer issues. There was a virus, a near crash, lots of cussing...finally a miracle, lots of backing up, more cussing, and finally it appears all is well. I am still going to start researching new laptops, because I fear my little ol' cow is not gonna make it much longer. But, for now, she is plodding along, so I will catch you up.

BENIGN...never thought I would be so damn glad to hear that word, but the tears at the radiologists office indicated otherwise. I tried really hard to just assume it was nothing, and not be worried, but when you are a single mommy (and probably when you are not as well) worst case scenario has a way of sneaking into your thoughts. For me, worst case wasn't dying and leaving her (although technically that would be) it was having to have surgery and then chemo. I felt like no matter how much I tried to NOT think about it, thoughts of, who will drive me to/from the hospital, who will pick up Pea if I can't, I'm tired all the damn time now, how in the world will I be able to take care of her if I am really tired, chemo tired, just kept popping into my head. I won't go into all the details, but the quick and the dirty is: the lump (which is on the left side) is nothing...the spots (on right side) are calcifications, and again, nothing. I feel very lucky, and grateful.

Also grateful for Baby Bean, who, as you know is finally here!! She weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 2ozs and has more hair than her Aunti K. I was able to fly up to meet her (and see the rest of her family) over Thanksgiving. What a doll. I am so excited for Smash to finally get to experience a little girl, and new babies in general just make the world feel like a better place. We had a whirlwind visit and I was back home Saturday night. I was lucky not to have run into any flight delays and I hate to admit this (as a former hater, since I worked for the competition) but I love love love Southwest Airlines. I used to not like the whole cattle call arrangement, but it really does speed up boarding and since my Pea likes to pick her own seat, there has never been a "BUT MOMMY I WANT TO SIT HERE!" "Pea, no, we can't, this is our seat, over here, get over here now..." crying, screaming, dragging down the aisle...nope, not once. SWA is also very good at being on time, which I hope is still the case next weekend, when we fly down to Orlando to have our Christmas in the World.

7 days...seven...one week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To say I am getting excited would be a gross understatement...it is pretty much all I can think about. I have had to venture out into cyberspace to find folks who understand and support this craziness because all of the people I have real human interaction with, think I am whackadoo. I have learned that talking incessantly about all things Disney to normal people just pisses them off and makes them roll their eyes, so I choose instead, to find like minded people, who I wouldn't know if they slapped me in the face, to share with. Both http://m.touringplans.com/wdw/chats and http://www.disboards.com/index.com have become my go to resources when I have had a question or have just wanted to share.

This is where if you are tired of hearing me talk about Disney, you should stop reading...I would venture to say, you might wanna not read again until after the new year, because I am pretty sure that is all I am going to write about for the next few weeks...don't say I didn't warn you.

My plan for today, since the Pea is with her dad, is to pack all of the little surprises that I am taking. I don't have time to do ALL the packing, and I want to wait until I have a better idea of how the weather will be to pack the clothes, but I don't want her seeing the Cinderella dress, the fancy shoes, the new Fairy dress (from her Aunti Smash) the little ornaments, or the stockings, so I will get those hidden in the suitcase.

The first few days of our stay will be in Birthday mode. We are staying in a standard view room at Animal Kingdom Lodge and will be racing around the parks trying to do and see everything we can before it gets crazy busy. We will celebrate my birthday in Epcot (and it will be the one day, out of 8, that I will be in charge...maybe) top it off with VIP viewing of the fireworks (yes, I paid for it, no I'm not a VIP, other than in my own mind) and then we will chill for a day (again, maybe). Then, for our last 3 days we move into a Savannah view room (where you can see the animals!) and go into Christmas mode. The parks will be crazy at that point so we will spend more time at the resort and doing special experiences (more on that later). Thanks to a very clever, and less selfish person than I, on the Disboards, there will be a tree at bell services that I will pick up and decorate the room with. I got in on the tree exchange and sent down a tree last week, and it has been great fun getting updates from the other families, all sharing trees. I would have never thought to ship mine down early so other families could enjoy it, but I'm glad I did, because it is really nice feeling like a part of a bigger community.

Now that I think about it, it's probably the feeling of community, overall, that kept me coming back to the Disney chats and forums. It started with a search for information, and answers to my questions, but now that I feel like I am pretty versed in most things Mouse, the draw is more the people. I feel like that girl in the Blind Melon video...I'm the bee ( http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7763324546201298850 ) ...and I found my people.

baby bean

2011-11-20T11:07:00.001-05:00

She's here! She's here! Baby "Bean" has arrived!!! Smash finally has a baby girl and I have a niece! So excited, and can't wait to see them. I am headed up next week for the holiday and for some baby squeezin'.

More later...maybe.

poor smash

2011-11-16T20:37:00.001-05:00

Poor Smash. As expected she is is two weeks past her due date and still no baby. She went to the hospital, in labor, this morning, but things are not moving very quickly. I am anxiously waiting by the phone, not really doing anything, hoping to hear her, or her husbands, voice say "We have a baby!"

jingle hell

2011-11-12T12:16:00.001-05:00

I got a forwarded email last week imploring folks to boycott China this holiday season, and buy only American made. It suggested thinking outside the box, if you couldn't find products, and giving services (like a massage or lawn care) so that instead of supporting China, you would be supporting local business. I like the idea, but my wallet is pissed. I would LOVE to be able to give people a day at the spa, or lawn care for the year, or even better, a housekeeper...how great would that be? Unfortunately, I did not win the lottery last night, so that is not an option.

On one hand I think the whole season in way too commercialized, and we as Americans are being brainwashed by advertisers to think we MUST give ridiculous gifts to everyone in our lives from the post man to our mother. When did it become necessary to give everyone we interact with throughout the year a gift, and to give our children expensive electronics and designer clothes? On the other, I really do like giving, and WANT everyone who impacts me positively to feel appreciated and loved, and what better way to do that than to give them something lovely?

So I started my shopping last week, and made an effort to look at labels, and while incredibly frustrating, I did manage to find some really great American made things. I got it in my head to do an Oprah style "favorite things" basket filled with: California and North Carolina wine, Ghiradelli chocolate, Burt's Bees chap sticks, Tervis Tumblers, Yankee candles, and J R Watkins lotions and cleaning supplies. I actually got pretty excited about it and was ready to proceed. I started to compile my list, on it about 100 people or couples, and then I added up the cost, about $100...One hundred times $100 is OH HOLY HELL...and that doesn't include the kids...

Ok, back to the drawing board...I will take my ACTUAL budget, subtract out the kids stuff, the cost of cards and postage, divide it by the number of people I want to buy for, and just give them ONE of the items...just gotta get a dollar amount to figure out which one...

drum roll please..............

$2.57

Can't even buy a Burt's Bees chap stick for that...damnit.

I had two options: head to the dollar store, or get creative. So frustrating...everything at the dollar store is made in China, no one wants a toilet paper roll/cotton ball Santa. What to do?

So, The Pea and I spent all day yesterday listening to and deciding on music that we will burn onto a CD, and painting a painting that will become the cover art. It wasn't my first choice, but over the course of the day it provided a way for The Pea and I to connect and for her to take some ownership in the gifts. We talked about giving and gratitude, peace and God, and even color theory and paint technique, and when it was all done she was very proud of what we had created. It started out as a way to save money, turned into an incredible experience with my daughter, and with any luck will be enjoyed by those who receive it.

I'll still be buying wine and chocolate for a lucky few, including me, but I do that all year round.

thanks

2011-11-11T08:15:00.001-05:00

It's Veteran's Day...I am very glad to have the day off and to be, instead of at work, sitting on my couch, in ratty jeans, a hoodie, and slippers, sipping coffee and typing on my computer.

I am even more glad to have been lucky enough to have been born in this great country. America certainly has it's issues and faults, but knowing that I, and my baby girl, have the FREEDOM to do, be, and say ANYTHING is a blessing. A blessing hard fought by many men and women who sacrificed...to them I say: THANK YOU.

THANK YOU...
THANK YOU...
THANK YOU...
THANK YOU...
THANK YOU...
THANK YOU...
THANK YOU...
THANK YOU...

A million times thanks.

Happy Veteran's Day! God Bless America.

get there

2011-11-09T21:05:00.002-05:00

Haven't checked the mail in two days...or been to the Dollar Store for that matter, AND I did yoga tonight, so I am feeling much better. I am looking forward to the three day weekend. The Pea will be with her dad, but at least we will have all day Friday to hang out, and with any luck I will FINALLY get the house finished (haven't I been talking about that for like 3 months...oy). I am down to a smattering of piles that I know what I want to do with, I just haven't ~~felt like dealing with~~ had the chance. Hopefully by then we will also have another baby in the family (YAY!) Smash was due last week, and still (as we thought would be the case) has no baby.

Well, I have now sat 8 minutes without typing anything, cuz I don't have anything to say, so I think I will sign off with a little something I saw and liked.

grrrrrrrrr

2011-11-07T21:28:00.000-05:00

Interesting day today. The morning was fantastic; I got out the door on time, and had a nice sunrise to watch on my way to work; work was busy, but not crazy; I cooked some kick ass chili AND some baked chicken with rice and mushrooms (I am set for the week!) and I got the Pea to bed with very little drama. Two things have me unsettled though, and unable to sleep.

1) A woman growled at me in the dollar store today. Well, ok, not AT me, but behind me. At first I thought maybe she was humming. Then I thought, nooooo, that is growling...definitely growling. I kept turning around and looking at her, which seemed to catch her by surprise and made it stop. As soon as I turned back to the front however, it began again. "Hmmmmpphhhhtgrrrrrr hmmmmmmmhhhhhhggggrrrrr hhhhmmmmmmggggrrrrrrrr." Not sure if the spelling is right on...
Every once in awhile she would cough, one of those been smoking for 40 years coughs, which got me thinking, "maybe she really IS humming, THAT is smokers hum." Well in addition to the hum/growl thing she had goin' on she reminded of the old lady in Snow White, and because of that damn show Once Upon A Time, all I could think about was her morphing into the evil queen...not that I could ever be mistaken for Snow White...but still. I'm not sure why this is even still on my mind, but it is, and I am a little frightened my Disney obsession has started to impact my life for the worse.

2) I have to go back and get another mammogram, because of something suspicious. Ok, fair enough...the problem TONIGHT is I had blithely assumed after not getting a phone call from my doctor that all was fine. I opened a LETTER that came from the radiology clinic today, sure that is was the one that was going to say "We are happy to report..." and just about fell over. Is this the new protocol?! I am pretty ticked, because had she called I would have at least had the opportunity to ask a few questions and go ahead with scheduling the next round. Instead, it is after hours, I am now wide damn awake thinking about it (I shouldn't have bothered with the mail tonight...now I want to growl) and even though I know it is probably just a fibroid or scar tissue, I am sitting here in the dark, furiously typing, trying to calm myself down, because I don't know what else to do. I'm also cupping the girls every so often because the thought of having them smashed again is making all three of us very sad. I wish I could go with an ultrasound, but then again, that isn't much better...been there, done that too, and having that little wand jammed into my boob hurt almost as bad as the giant masher. Worse was watching the facial expressions of the tech as she went around and around the damn spot all the while saying she couldn't comment on anything because she wasn't a radiologist...I nearly had a stroke. I liked the cheerful expression and hug I got from the mammography tech much better. Buddy The Elf should do ultrasounds.

http://youtu.be/u-C0Av5ICYw (who hasn't been the raccoon at one point or another?)

I guess I should at least try and go to bed...if nothing else I can sit and growl while I watch Elf...sooner or later I am bound to fall asleep.

longest sunday ever

2011-11-06T10:59:00.001-05:00

I wish we could stay on standard time. As much as I like getting that extra hour in my weekend...this is by far my most favorite day of the year (with the exception of birthdays and holidays)...I DETEST the Sunday we lose an hour, and I NEVER adjust to daylight savings. Never. Just sayin...

The plan for today was to bake pumpkin bread and then spend the rest of our day painting and doing art projects together, just the two of us. Well, I didn't have any eggs and was too lazy to go to the store and get some, and then the little neighbor kid showed up and now her and The Pea are upstairs playing. Best laid plans...

I am warming to the kid, but I really wanted today to be just me and The Pea. These days never end up looking like the spread out of parenting magazine like I want them to, instead there is always at least one screaming match, a few tears, something spilled, and a time out, but I'm not ready to give them up or share them...and I am sick of breaking up fights and saying no.

One six year old is capable of coming up with a few hair brained ideas, but two are capable of coming up with a never ending supply...the ideas don't double, they multiply exponentially. Not to mention the wear and tear on the house and all of the Pea's clothes. Why do they feel the need to change every 3 and a half minutes? And how is it possible to tear, ruin, or make filthy an item of clothing in the 3 minutes that it is on?

Furthermore, why do little girls scream at glass breaking pitch? And how ironic is it that in order to stop them, I have to SCREAM, at an even higher pitch and decibel level, "STOP SCREAMING!" (which I just did, btw...)

If it wasn't for the extra hour of sleep I got this morning, I'm pretty sure I would have started drinking by now.

10

2011-11-05T18:03:00.002-04:00

I just got done flipping through Parenting magazine, reading would be an overstatement, and on the last page was a cute 10 things list...ten things we wish we could say to our kids...for example "Babies are made when a man and a woman love each other very much and want to get as close as possible...or when they've had too much to drink and are feeling lonely."

A few thoughts...

1) I FINALLY stopped reading fashion and beauty magazines because they always made me feel fat, frumpy, and seriously out of style...I am going to have to stop reading parenting magazines as well. They too make me feel fat, frumpy, and out of style AND like I will never measure up as a parent.

2) Lying to our kids is obviously necessary in certain situations, but when is it not, and when do you stop?

3) I want to do a 10 things list...must work on that.

good

2011-11-02T20:55:00.001-04:00

Holy crazy coupla days...

I get pretty wrapped up in Halloween, cuz I love dressing up, and HAD to create ridiculous pirate costumes for myself, The Boy, and The Pea. Now I am gearing up for the Pea's birthday (TOMORROW!) and have no boxes, bags, or goodie holders what so ever ( http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/its-all-about-boxes.html )and so am scrambling to get it together, and get my head in the game. I wasn't even going to write tonight, because I need to get downstairs and get busy, BUT, I wanted to share something.

Remember my news fast? http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2011/10/football-and-pixie-dust.html Well, it is still going strong, I have no idea what is going on anywhere in the world except my little corner of it, and as a result I am a happier person. Occasionally though, some good news does get reported, and thankfully HawaiiMom decided to share it (thanks!).

Here ya go: https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150373441113934

Have a great night y'all...I have all things pink, princess, sprinkles, and balloons to somehow mash together into a cohesive surprise for my baby girl.

smashing lady parts

2011-10-26T22:49:00.000-04:00

I finally had the ol' mammogram and my boobies hurt a bit. My plan was to go to yoga tonight, but since I felt like at any moment my girls could have fallen off my chest, downward dog was not an option. I decided, instead, to walk with the Pea while she rode her bike. One would think this was just a ho hum occasion...all five year olds ride their bike in the afternoons right? Wrong. The Boy and I slaved over that bike last Christmas Eve...it is a one of a kind, custom, tricked out, kick ass, pink bike...and she rode it ONCE. Christmas day she took it out, took a turn a bit too fast and fell, and somehow smashed her lady parts. It has taken her 10 months to work up the courage to try it again. I can't say I blame her...if in her mind: bike = bruised bits, well...

So, just so happened yesterday, she up and decided it was time. Out of the blue the bike came out of it's resting place and around and around the kitchen she went until she felt like she could handle it without harming herself. Today we ventured outside. Up and down the street she rode, proud of herself and her bike, and not a single lady part was harmed. No southern bits anyway, BUT my northern bits felt like they were sliding off my ribcage and more than once I caught myself holding one in each hand. I was positive when I took off my bra tonight the boobies would come with it...or still be attached but unfurl like tube socks. I'm happy to report neither happened, but I'm wearing a sports bra to bed.

The mammogram itself was, overall, a lot less horrible than I expected. I did some research going in, and made sure to find an imaging clinic that only had the newer "gentler" digital machines, and that, coupled with a really great tech who didn't man handle me, probably made a huge difference. I know Smash, and plenty of other ladies, haven't been so lucky. I also had the good fortune of getting the advice to take some Motrin an hour or so before hand...I never would have thought to do that if my sister hadn't mentioned it.

Since I feel like my experience was made better because going in I knew what to expect, I thought I would share it for any of you out there who haven't had the pleasure of getting your boobies mashed, smashed, and photographed, so that you too, will have a better than average experience.

For starters, do your research and make sure you go digital...ooooh, and another thing, my original appointment was scheduled during a not optimal time of the month....my girls hurt if you looked at them, touching them was out of the question...had I not mustered up the balls to call and reschedule I would have been on the floor in a puddle *shudder* Make sure your appointment is the week AFTER your period, and even if you like 'em man handled by your man, take some Motrin, cuz the machine you can't slap and say "gentle! geez..."

After checking in, and giving them enough personal information for them to easily steal my identity, I headed to the dressing area and stripped from the waist up. I put on a gown, which was cute with my four inch heels (they let you keep your shoes on) and then the tech led me into "the room" which is dominated by "the machine" which essentially looks like a plastic vice grip...a GINORMOUS plastic vice grip. She had me take the gown off on one side and slapped a little metal sticker on my nipple, which was a surprise...no one told me about the sticker. I stepped up to the plate, so to speak, and she lifted my left one onto it. I then had to do a little contortion act with one arm huggin' the machine, the other "relaxed" yeah right, and my head tilted to the side so the top plate (the smasher) wouldn't uppercut me when it unsmashed. I'm GLAD I had on heels cuz I felt like I was being picked up off the ground as the top plate came down. As it came down it simultaneously smooshed and pulled and then there was a click, and I was released. This got repeated 3 more times, with assorted combinations of lifting, mashing, "look up" and "relax." I only had a mild panic attack, and after one short break to sit down with my head between my knees ("you were sweating, shaking, and turning white, bless your heart child!") I was fine. If you can get your blood pressure taken, or watch your dog get a shot, without having a panic attack and passing out (I can not), you will be fine.

After ripping the little metal stickers off my nipples (which I debated just leaving there cuz I KNEW it was gonna smart like hell) I gathered up the girls, poured them into my bra, got myself dressed, and headed out. Had I not had to go back to work I would have gone to the nearest bar and ordered a martini, instead, I hit the nearest Taco Bell and ordered pretty much everything on the menu.

I could have thought of at least three things I would have rather done with my morning, and my boobs, but I am glad I did it. I hope anyone who is told by their doctor that they need one doesn't chicken out like I almost did, because it really isn't all that bad.

I would go ahead and get the martini afterward though, cuz the Taco Bell? Bad...very. bad. idea.

more perfect

2011-10-24T21:25:00.001-04:00

A few more recipes...

The Pea's Perfect Pumpkin Bread

1 can pumpkin puree (organic if you can find it, but not necessary since you don't eat the skin)
4 eggs (I use vegetarian, cage free)
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup applesauce (unsweetened, organic)
2/3 cup water
1 cup sugar
1 cup Truvia
3 cups unbleached, all purpose flour
1/3 cup whole wheat flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
3 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
1 teaspoon Cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 320 for glass pans, 340 for metal (I use glass)

Combine all the dry ingredients and set aside and in another bowl (or if you are like me and don't like to do dishes just form a little well inside the dry ingredients in the same bowl) and beat the eggs, then add oil, applesauce, pumpkin, water, sugar, and Truvia. Mix everything together until well blended and dump it in buttered bread pans (I like to do mini loaves...that way when I eat a whole loaf, it's not so bad).

Bake it till it smells ready and feels firm, about an hour.

K's Kick-Ass Chicken Chili

2 or 3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (I use vegetarian, cage free)
3 cans white beans (again, organic, if you can find it, drained)
2 bell peppers (organic, any color, I like to use one red, one green, for color, but whatever is fresh and looks good)
1 poblano pepper (or other mild green pepper)
1 jalapeno
1 sweet onion (like a vidalia)
a bunch of garlic (I would use about 4-5 cloves, but not everyone loves garlic like I do)
chicken stock (I like the organic stuff that comes in a box)
pepper
Olive oil

Dice up the peppers, onion, jalapeno (I throw out the pith and the seeds cuz I don't like it crazy hot, but if you do, knock yourself out), garlic, and chicken, and chuck it all in a big saute pan with enough olive oil to cover the bottom of the pan. Saute it up on medium high heat. When everything is nice and caramelized and the chicken is cooked through (it doesn't take long) turn down the heat to low and add the stock, pepper to taste (and salt if you must, but usually stock is salty enough so taste it first) and the beans. If you like it kinda soupy you are done...if you like it thick just let it hang out until it is the right consistency. The water will cook off and the fiber from the beans will thicken it up. I usually let it hang out about 30 minutes...unless I am starving and then I eat it right away.

There ya have it, add a bag of corn chips, a nice dark beer, and the Packers kicking ass, and you are set.

sunday

2011-10-23T16:20:00.002-04:00

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

What a difference a day makes. Today is perfect. Again, it is glorious weather, again, there is football on tv, again, the Pea and her little buddy are sitting in the driveway...BUT, today I am not annoyed. Nope, not a bit.

Today, I was able to start the day with my favorite show, CBS Sunday Morning, drink an entire pot of coffee in peace, snuggle with the Pea while the pumpkin bread we made baked in the oven, and get a few things done without ONCE having to stop and yell "STOP YELLING AND BE NICE!"

Ahhh...much better.

So, as most of you know, the Pea and I are gearing up for our Christmas in Disney. In less than two months I will be in my happy place, hemorrhaging money. Since most everything there is a bit on the pricey side, we have to pick and choose what we do, and what we buy. We don't do souvenirs, other than pressed pennies and a photo cd (because I don't need any more plastic shit in my house), we don't buy clothes there (because why would you when you can get Micky shirts at Target for $7), and the Pea knows better than to bother asking for anything being sold by a street vendor.

One place we go all out though, is food...or more specifically, dining experiences. I am a big fan of the "character meal." For those of you who don't know, the character meal is one where specific characters come around the dining room and stop at your table to interact for a few minutes. The only other way to interact with the characters is to stand in line in the parks. Some of the lines go on for DAYS...I don't do lines. Combining my favorite thing: food, with one of the major reasons we go to Disney in the first place: the chance for the Pea to get hugged by a princess, is brilliant, and worth every penny. We are scheduled to do three meals with princesses and one with Pooh Bear. I am actually just as excited as the Pea, ~~Price Charming is nummy~~ because the food is awesome.

I thought I was the only person in love with Disney food (because most people just think it is overpriced and not all that great) until I stumbled on this little gem: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2284684
Food Porn. I have been looking at a bunch of it lately. I am so addicted to this form of porn, in fact, that I have already started planning what restaurants to eat at for subsequent trips to the world, because I want to try it ALL. Most of the good restaurants actually do not have characters, so it looks like I am either going to have to start going more often, going without the Pea (which would never work because I would feel so guilty I couldn't eat), or lying and telling her the characters are sick and can't come around whenever we go into a place without them.

I don't think going more often is feasible unless I win the lottery, so I am officially going to start lying to my kid on our next trip. Until then, I have my porn.

My recipe for a perfect day:
Wake up ~~next to Prince Charming~~ with a perfect cup [pot] of coffee, bake some pumpkin bread, make some chili, chill some beer, turn on a good [any] football game, and during the commercials scroll through some food porn. voila, perfecto!

beer goggles

2011-10-22T18:36:00.001-04:00

It is a glorious fall afternoon. The weather could not be more perfect. I have beer in my fridge and football on the TV. The Pea is outside creating a mural, out of sidewalk chalk, in the driveway. I should be happy as a damn clam and loving life, right? Wrong...I am annoyed. I am annoyed because in the driveway with the Pea is her newest bestest friend, who supposedly lives across the street. I say supposedly because it feels like she lives here.

Every day when I get home she is here before I can open my car door and get out. Every night I have to send her home, both her and the Pea kicking and screaming. This morning my doorbell rang at 7:45am. If I hadn't already been up with a pot of coffee brewing I would have lost my damn mind. Twice today I have sent her home because I just want some time with my kid, but since my kid would rather play with her than me, she is back, and I let her.

I worked really hard, and paid a steep price, to set my little world up the way it is, and I am having a hard time letting others in. I only get two Saturdays a month with my little peanut, I really don't want to spend those days babysitting someone elses kid and breaking up arguments. If I have said "stop screaming and play nice!!!!" once, I have said it a THOUSAND times. I don't have to say that when it's just the two of us. Ok, I do, but not nearly as often.

On one hand, I know she wants to play with friends and she needs to develop socially...on the other, I am selfish and want her all to myself. Not to mention that taking care of myownself and MY offspring is hard enough...I really don't need to be taking care of someone else's kid. The kid isn't bad, she doesn't require much, but for some reason it is starting to really rub me the wrong way.

Today the ice cream truck came by and The Pea tore off outside with her purse. Her life savings is $3 (the portion that is hers to spend as she likes, anyway, the rest is going to Disney). It pissed me off to no end that she bought TWO ice creams at a $1.50 each. Pissed. Me. Off. I didn't say anything, just let her do it, and then let them sit outside and eat, but I swear I wanted to snatch the ice cream out of the kid's hand...and then what? It made the Pea happy, she was fine spending her money and sharing, what the hell is wrong with me?

It's not like my Pea hasn't hung out with other people in the neighborhood. For a while she practically lived at "kid paradise" I wonder if the mom over there felt the same way toward the Pea that I do about this little one? I wouldn't have blamed her if she did, but I'm guessing she didn't. Why do I have no tolerance for other people's kids?

Sometimes I feel like a heartless bitch, and I am ashamed of myself. Thank God not all people are like me or we wouldn't have any teachers or pediatricians. I love the Pea so much it scares me; I would spend every moment of every day with her. Even when she pisses me off I want to squeeze her, and would give her my own heart if she needed it, so I know I am capable of loving children, just apparently not other people's children. Although, I do love my nephews, so I dunno...

Beer seems to make me like everybody better...maybe I will just go get one. I know I am one of the guys, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would need beer goggles to help me deal with a girl.

football and pixie dust

2011-10-20T20:39:00.000-04:00

I don't get the whole occupy wall street thing...I think all the candidates are off their rocker...I am frightened that our economy is one media frenzy away from collapse.

I have never LIKED watching the news, but now, I can't even look at it. Just seeing the headlines when I sign in to my computer every morning depresses me. I know I am an adult, and I am supposed to care, and have opinions, and be educated in order to cast an educated vote, but with every awful news story I find myself feeling more and more helpless. The world has pretty much always been in a state of turmoil. There have always been bad people, there has always been at least two countries at war, there is always at least one economy near collapse; there has NOT always been a gazillion media conglomerates with the technology to instantly share all that bad news and make money off it.

WHERE IS ALL THE GOOD NEWS?!

There are babies being born and doing cute things every day and yet for some reason the only time I see a baby in the news is if it has disappeared, been brutally killed, or popped out the vagina of a celebrity. I can't see that shit without getting sick to my stomach. I want to see pictures of healthy babies that were born to normal people...I know they are out there.

There are couples getting married every day...happy couples, that actually love each other, and don't have a movie premiering this Friday. I would like to see some happy love stories.

Not all guys going through divorces murder their families and kill themselves, but you would think so if you read the news. I want more stories like this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2051501/101-uses-ex-wifes-wedding-dress-Husband-turns-pain-divorce-hilarious-new-book.html?ITO=1490 I just happened to stumble on this story because in my haste to exit out of the headlines page, after a third horrifying story flashed across the screen, I clicked on this.

I can't take it anymore. I don't care if I end up sounding like an uneducated moron and vote for an idiot (which is pretty much a given, regardless of who I vote for). Here is what I plan to do (because after all, news is a business and consumer driven and not watching the 6 o'clock or buying newspapers didn't stop it from creeping into my life) I am going to change my default log in page from MSN to igoogle and I am only going to allow things like: the weather, sports, inspirational quotes, news from Disney, or pictures of puppies. If I read any news at all it will be from http://www.theonion.com/ . I will no longer see the horrible headlines, which should keep me from being horrified all day, thinking about them. I won't go to yahoo or aol, and any of my Facebook friends that post links to things that are awful, I will hide from my view.

I know the world is not all football, magic, and pixie dust, but damnit, I want it to be.

tell yours

2011-10-18T22:45:00.000-04:00

I got an email tonight requesting information on how to start a blog. This is the third of the sort in the past few weeks, and the fifth or so overall, so I thought I would do a "how to."

For starters, if you are doing a personal blog, like mine, ask yourself "Am I really ready to face my own reality, be honest with the world, and own who I am?" This isn't so important if your blog is about scrapbooking, knitting, or pictures of cats. Blogging is journaling, and if it's fake your readers will figure it out really quick. Not only will your readers figure it out, but you will, and you will lose interest...it's just too damn hard to keep it up when you are trying to be something you aren't (like funny all the time). I fight that now, as I try to balance being real and honest with being too open.  When I start writing about random stuff (like flinging poo, for instance) and leave out the personal stuff, I free myself from having to answer questions and face realities that I sometimes would rather not. I also cheat myself, and my readers, of the good stuff...the stuff that binds us all together, makes us human, and makes us real. Ultimately, writing about life enables me to see it in a better light, which helps others, who can identify in some way. Some days I answer the question with "Nope, not today..." and that is ok, but if the answer for you is "Nope, not ever..." then find yourself a nice leather bound journal that you can keep on your bedside table. When your answer is "Ok, I think I can..." proceed.

I happen to like www.blogger.com no surprise there...but there are others. For me blogger was easy.  It is pretty user friendly, when they aren't trying to update it, and it walks you through, step by step. You can start writing a few minutes after setting up. You will need a Gmail account, but the rest is up to you. You can set up a profile, or not. There are all kinds of pre-made templates that you can choose from and customize or you can make your own. If you are a writer, and not an artist, the templates are great. If you are creating a professional blog you may want to take it to the next level, but for personal ones, I say: sign on, pick one you like, and start writing.

The next step is determining who, if anyone, you want to know about and read your blog. I have three blogs, two are private. Originally one of the other two I had set up for a few people to read, but I have since closed it...it is my daily pour my heart and soul out, no editing, no holds, balls to the wall, diary, and also serves to house the many posts that have been deleted off of this one (that I refer to as "the crazy blog").  The third is my "dream" blog. It houses ideas, dreams, thoughts, stories, questions, and ramblings.  Account settings are VERY important if you don't want random strangers reading your stuff.  With Blogger (and I couldn't tell you how it works with others, but I gotta assume very much the same) you can have it open, closed, or custom.  With the custom you can allow only certain people (and you have to put in their email addresses) or only blog authors (again I think you have to put in their email) or both. The custom is great if you are just starting and want input from a few people, but want to control who those people are. I would also suggest the closed in the beginning, just so you can get the hang of posting, editing, etc. You would be surprised how brilliant you think you are when you are typing away at 2 a.m. only to come back the next day and think "Oh dear God, why did I write that?! and what the hell point was I trying to make?"

If you want to start a professional, political, business, or technical blog you probably want to keep things modest. Stay away from curly fonts, crazy or trendy colors (unless your blog is about fashion or trends) and off color language. If your blog is just ranting about being a single mom feeling completely out of place in a crazy world that spins way faster than you think it should, go crazy...bright colors, random fonts, a few f-bombs...or not...the point is, it's your blog, make it yours, but if you are trying to win voters or make money, play it safe.

Regarding a name...big sigh. A name can make or break your blog. I admit, I read, or don't read, blogs JUST because they have, or don't have, cool names...what keeps me reading is if they make me laugh, cry, think, or change...but I'm sure there are plenty out there I never gave the chance because it was titled something like "My Thoughts on Life." I happen to be a fan of geographical names (ya think?) because they clue you in to where they take place, and plays on the writers name are good too...if you want your name out there. Don't let not being able to figure out a name hold you back from writing, despite how important it may be down the road. A name can always be changed or added. Start writing, worry about the name later.

Not just the name, but the format, style, layout...everything can be changed. Don't let perfection paralysis stand in your way. When I started I just wrote. I had a few stories in my head that I wanted to get down on paper and MiMi suggested I start online; I didn't even know what a blog was at the time. I googled it when I got home from my session that day and that is what led me to Blogger. I think there were 3 templates to choose from at the time. The name came after the second or third post...telling people (Smash) came a few weeks later...telling the world (ok, my little tiny corner of it) came about a year after that.

Starting, and continuing, my blog has been a great way for me to process my thoughts, tell my stories, face my own fears, keep in touch with others, and create. There have been a few bumps in the road, and it is nothing if not humbling, but I highly recommend it.

Everyone has a story...tell yours.

flinging poo

2011-10-17T17:34:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, as I was driving home from picking up the Pea, I came up behind a white pick-up truck. This was a nice looking truck, not a beat up work truck. It had some black vinyl letters across the back of the tail gate, in a fancy script, that as I got closer I was able to read.

"No Flinging Poo"

At first I laughed, but then I was kind of perplexed, it got me thinking.

The owner of this vehicle went to some lengths to put this on the truck. This wasn't a "wash me" written in the dirt, or a bumper sticker. These were cut vinyl, which I know, from my brief stint working at a sign shop, take some effort, planning, and money. WHY?

We live in a fairly rural area in NC, but NEVER in all my years here have I ever encountered any one flinging poo. Matter of fact the only time I have ever witnessed it at all was in the monkey habitat at the zoo, and as far as I know, monkeys can't read, so making a sign would be a waste of time.

Was this some sort of metaphor or inside joke?

I dunno...but I thought I would share...and in case any of you have encountered so much flinging of poo that you felt you needed a sign, on your vehicle, in big, bold, black, letters I feel for ya...I'm sorry. I must live a rather blessed life cuz I have just never felt the need.

good morning! good morning! good morning!

2011-10-15T10:09:00.001-04:00

So I started my morning, after I smooched The Boy (yes, we have progressed to smooching) and had some coffee, by reading this: http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/how-to-start-your-morning-5-tips-to-create-more-energy-and-confidence/#more-6710 and while I didn't actually DO any of the things he suggested, it did get me kind of fired up to start the day, and write, and even though it hasn't lead to much writing, I must say I LOVE my new writing area. It is in a corner of my bedroom (which is on the second story of my house) in front of a window. The other night it was nice and cozy, with my little lamp on, and all my cool stuff surrounding me, but today it is much more fun. As I type I can look out the window and ~~spy on~~ see my neighbors in their yards, watch the kids play, and see all the trees, which are starting to change color.

It is an absolutely gorgeous day. Perfect fall weather, and I love fall. The only thing that could make this moment any better is a pumpkin doughnut. I have a nice steamy cup of coffee, but a doughnut would do nicely right about now.

The Pea is with her dad, and my plan for the day is to finish the project I started about a million years ago, the clearing out and organizing of my house. I got a good jump start on the remnants that I had stashed in the guest bedroom last week when I was forced to clear out the room so my Aunt could sleep in it, and now I am finally tackling it. Well, I'm GOING to tackle it, as soon as I get off the computer...and run to Dunkin Donuts...and Target...and...

Well, I will let you know how it goes.

arrrgghh

2011-10-13T21:37:00.000-04:00

Wow...it has been a whole week. A lot has happened. Nothing earth shattering or terribly exciting, but lots of little things that kept me busy (and off the computer). I had visitors this weekend, family from up north, which was awesome. The Pea very much enjoyed having other adults to entertain (it helped they brought gifts) and interact with. I had another few dates with The Boy. I had to spend a day out of town at a class for work. The Pea had an open house at her school. I was finally able to catch up with Dude...and now that I am typing it, it all seems way less busy than it did at the time. Somehow a whole week flew by and yet in just a few sentences I have recapped.

Huh...well then.

One of the things I did last week was make myself a fancy new writing area in my bedroom, complete with a desk, chair, lamp, and assorted "inspirational" items (like my "bitter with baggage seeks same" sign, and "where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?" coaster) and now I have writers block. Maybe I should have just stuck with sitting in bed with my laptop on my lap?

Maybe gearing up for Halloween next week will result in something good to share (I actually bought stuff to decorate the house and the Pea and I are going to be pirates!). Until then...a little look back...hopefully we don't end up with the littlest pissed off pirate that ever there was.

Monday, November 2, 2009

pissedoffedness

I started Halloween by getting yelled at in the parking lot of a Dunkin Donuts by a woman with no teeth. Well, ok, she had SOME teeth, just not the ones in the front. Not sure exactly why she was yelling at me either, something to the effect of "I'll be out of your way in a minute, damn!" and as far as I was concerned she wasn't even in my way. I was minding my own business, trying to get the Pea out of her car seat and she was getting out of her car next to me...anyway, I went home and flossed...then brushed...then flossed again. I couldn't eat any candy after that either cuz all I could think of was that scary woman yelling at me and me just wanting her to shut her mouth. Of course, I would prolly be in general pissed off all the time if I had no teeth.

Speakin' of pissed off, the Pea ended up being the teeny tiniest most pissed off pumpkin that ever was, later that night. The Pea was a pumpkin for Halloween, and for some reason, a rather irritated one. She wanted to head out about 4pm and when I wouldn't let her she got pissed and stayed that way, there were a few bright spots through the night, but an overall air of pissedoffedness, that coming from less than 30lbs of baby girl, was just plain funny. Dancergirl and her little guy came over, we all had dinner together and then we set out for trick or treating. After a few houses the Pea decided she was done and headed for home, leaving the three of us stunned, and then me running after her. When we got home I thought she would enjoy handing out candy. Instead, whenever someone came to the house she rolled her eyes, stomped to the front door, pointed to the bowl, said "it's right there!" and then left them, a bit stunned, and stomped back to her perch on a bar stool in the kitchen, where she scowled at me while I talked on the phone to Smash.

Sunday was a lazy day for the most part, although we did head to Betty's for the afternoon game and dinner. Luckily by then the Pea was back to her usual happy self, and we had a nice night. This morning I have been fighting to stay motivated to do anything other than go back to bed...I do have to go assemble goodie bags for the Pea's birthday party, and now that I think about it will go do, and since I don't have anything more to report, or anything all that interesting, I will leave you with last years post about goodie boxes... http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/its-all-about-boxes.html

and then I will go floss again...just for good measure.

tonight

2011-10-05T21:28:00.004-04:00

I am so over the ~~ridiculous~~ Outrageous emails. I like the concept, but they are just tedious and boring. I DO, however, really like the website http://www.pickthebrain.com/ that I got the whole outrageous email thing from so I will continue to check it. One of the essays on the site today was "If the world ended tomorrow, what would you do tonight?"

Something to think about.

Obviously for the sake of the exercise you actually KNOW it is going to end, because if you didn't you would do exactly what you do any other night and not give it a second thought, but there are plenty of people whose worlds have ended, usually by accident, but sometimes because of a freak medical thing, the day after an ordinary day. So I guess what may be a more important question (cuz lets face it, if we knew there was an asteroid or something headed our way it would be chaos and I for one would be hunkered down in my house, hopefully surrounded by people I loved, looking at old photos, drinking heavily, and squeezing my kid) is: do you end every day at peace with the fact that it may have been your last?

Do the people you love know you love them? Were you kind and thoughtful or is there someone out there whom you owe an apology? Have you accomplished enough in this life to let yourself be happy right here, right now? I think it is safe to say all of us wish we could do more, have more, live more, see more, experience more, and love more, and God willing we will, but what if we don't get that luxury?

I know I could be a better parent, a better friend, a better employee, I could keep my house cleaner (a monkey could keep my house cleaner than I do), I could be in better shape and be more fashionable, but I'm happy just the way I am, and most days I do the best I can with what I have that day. Some days I feel like superwoman and my house is clean, my kid clean, I look and feel great...other days I'm happy to make it to work with pants on and remember to brush my hair, but EVERY DAY my kid feels loved, and I feel lucky.

Tonight all I could muster for dinner was macaroni and cheese, the Pea didn't get a bath, my house is trashed, and I didn't finish the project I'm working on at work...I DID, however, talk to Smash and tell her I love her, go to yoga, and tuck my kiddo into bed, where she promptly fell asleep because she felt safe, secure, and loved...If the world ended tomorrow, I'm ok with what I did tonight.

pissed

2011-10-03T21:17:00.002-04:00

Yesterday's "outrageous" email was "Do you like to party?" uhm, do fish live in water? What is your point? Well, as she went on to explain, life should be all about partying. Not real parties, which involve booze and debauchery, but rather, little celebrations of all your successes, even the little ones. Ok, live life to the fullest, enjoy it, I got it...and then she somehow switched gears, made a crazy right hand turn, and next thing I know she is talking about language and how using positive versus negative can impact your perception. Wha? Seems to me two different concepts and by smashing them together you have just overloaded my brain and pissed me off...which, coincidentally brings me to the title of today's email "OMG, I am so pissed..." Oooh, yay, maybe a little less hokey. Nope, not so much...matter of fact, so much hokeyness (pretty sure that is not a word, whatever) that instead of trying to regurgitate for you her point (which she took so damn long to get to that I really WAS pissed by the end) I am just going to list a few things that piss me off.

For starters, long rambling emails that talk in circles and use lots of BOLD and CAPITAL and EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!! and end up stating a point or concept that could be far better received with a few, well said, words or phrases.

School fundraisers. Yup, the Pea came home with her first, of I'm sure a zillion, pamphlets filled with overpriced crap that guilt you into buying (because if you don't, you are a bad parent and OBVIOUSLY don't value education) and get your kid all excited about the possibility of winning some jack-ass toy or prize. I could go to Walmart (and we know how much I love going there) buy both the thing they are selling and the stupid prize she could win if she sells a zillion dollars worth, AND give the school the $20 they will make is she does sell a zillion, and we would all be better off. Hate 'em.

Food that is no where near healthy, not even close, that is marketed towards kids and labeled in a way that makes it SEEM healthy. For instance, Fruit Loops NOW have whole grains and fiber...therefor are a part of a nutritious breakfast. Bull. Shit. The amount of sugar in a single fruit loop is enough to induce a diabetic coma and the amount of fiber is negligible, and sorry, no, having a whole grain or two in the mix doesn't mean it's good for you. Oh, and another one: "All natural" just because it is natural does not mean it is a good idea to put it in your body...cocaine is natural...arsenic and bleach are too.

I'll end my little rant with this one: Dunkin Donuts that don't sell doughnuts...I can't begin to explain how much this pisses me off. I'm sorry but if you have DONUT in your name you MUST SELL DOUGHNUTS. I realize that the whole "America Runs on Dunkin" is about marketing your coffee, and you make more money off selling coffee than you do selling little crack cakes, but when I am craving a pumpkin doughnut, and I see a very recognizable sign that indicates there are going to be those little pieces of heaven inside, and I pull off the road, park my car, walk inside and find ONLY... coffee...well. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but I say "hell hath no fury like me, when I want a damn doughnut."

outrageous

2011-10-01T11:12:00.000-04:00

The one great thing that came out of the Break-Up Guide was: it got me writing. Every day it gave me something to think about, write about, and DO. I have started another 30 day "guide" in hopes that it too will get me thinking, and get me writing.

I stumbled on this website (and this is the page that today's email directed me to): http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/do-one-outrageous-thing-this-weekend-youll-feel-great/ and at the bottom came a pop up to subscribe to 30 days toward outrageous thinking, so I did. So far the emails have been a little hokey, but the message is good, and I am on board. The "assignment" this weekend is to do ONE thing for someone else...one act of kindness...to quote the email:

You don't have to save the world to do your part. One kind word or even a smile goes a long way. (It doesn't even have to be someone you "know")

Pay attention to the people you meet this week. Be aware of all the opportunities you have to put out just a little more love than you do normally.

I am also gonna share a little quote that I like, that I sometimes read to myself when I am feeling like I am not doing what it is I should be in this life...when I am feeling like a failure, or like I am not good enough...when someone else's accomplishment makes me sad for myself instead of happy for them...when I need to remind myself that success is relative, and comes in many ways:

To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...to know even ONE life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. - Emerson

So join me, on this little journey, and who knows, maybe in 30 days we will all be changed for the better...OR we will all be bored to death and I will start another 30 day guide, with each day being a link to a better, funnier blog.

moving on

2011-09-29T12:05:00.000-04:00

The Break Up Guide has disappeared off of the Frisky. I’m not sure if they are having technical difficulties or they just decided it was old news and have moved on, but I can’t get to it, so I am not sure what I am supposed to be doing. I THINK it is watch a movie with a kick ass female role. Yesterday was Call Your Dad. The only other ones I remember are: Masturbate and Move On.

I think I will just lump all of them together and consider this the last day. I don’t know that I will have time to watch a movie, but I AM going to go watch a senior cheerleading competition tonight. I think watching real women, over the age of 55, get out there and compete, in of all things cheerleading, is pretty kick ass…then I will find BOB…then I will go to bed, and start fresh tomorrow.

I have washed my hands of the old relationship and I am ready to move on. I MAY be moving on with The Boy, but I won’t be going BACK. The relationship I ended almost a month ago is done, and it’s for the best. If we can start over, be better people, and better to each other, than great, but neither one of us wants to just settle back into old routines, or old habits.

Over the last month I have established, and stuck to, a really good routine with the Pea, and we both have benefited. I have started taking yoga again and am feeling strong and grounded. I have stopped worrying so much, started writing more, and am laughing again (both at myself, and this crazy world I live in) and if it took my relationship imploding to force me to do all that, than it obviously needed to happen.

Where I go from here is anyone’s guess, but I’m excited to see how it unfolds, and will keep you all posted.

a squirrel, a bat, and a crack pipe

2011-09-27T20:38:00.000-04:00

Well yesterday was fix something, and today was cook dinner...I did neither. There is a part of me completely over the whole break-up guide and keeping it going is just giving me one more thing to do on my way too long to do list. There is another part of me that feels like I need to keep on keepin' on, because I need to force some space between me and The Boy. We have been talking a lot lately, spending some time together, and talking about a future back together. Everyone, except us, seems to be against the idea, so I am trying hard to take a step back and make sure that if I jump back in it is because it is the right thing to do, and not because I am lonely [horny] or feeling fat [old] and scared of dying alone with a hundred cats.

So switching gears a bit...squirrel! Did ya read the story about the kindergartner who brought a crack pipe and some meth to school for show and tell? Guess mama didn't read the 2 page rule sheet that got sent home regarding show and tell...silly woman. Thought I would re-run this oldie...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

rabid bats

So you know those news headlines that pop up when you sign online? You can click on them to read the whole story...well this morning one of them caught my eye "Mom brings rabid bat to school." I read the story...turns out mom decided a dead rabid bat would be the perfect thing to bring in for show and tell...why of course! Long story short all 90 kids who touched the damn thing have to get a rabies series at a cost - to the school - of $70k...ooopsie. Got me thinkin'...what else should one NOT bring in to school for show and tell...you would think these would be common sense, but then again...

Dead rabid bunnies, dogs, cats, mice...oh you name it, pretty much any dead animal, probably not a good idea...come to think of it, LIVE rabid animals also NOT a good idea.

Poisonous snakes, like rattlers, copperheads, water moccasins, coral snakes...poisonous spiders too, especially in open containers, those little suckers tend to be quick and can get away from you before you know it.

Shotguns, pistols...weapons in general, although you might could get away with a stun gun...flame throwers and anti-aircraft missiles are especially cumbersome and would just be a pain.

Chemicals, nuclear waste, toxic/hazardous materials...these have to be marked and identified in very specific ways which is just a drag AND they can be stinky and messy...kids tend to be stinky and messy enough on their own.

Think that covers most of the biggies, OH, and razor blades, broken glass, heroin, porn...well you can bring the porn, but only for the teachers.

ladies day out

2011-09-25T18:57:00.000-04:00

Day 15: Host a Ladies Only Night.

Does going out to eat with my kiddo, who is a little lady, and then crashing at 9pm count? Cuz that is what I did last night. We got up nice and early this morning though and cruised into Washington, scored a killer parking spot right in front of the Museum of Natural History, and spent the first part of the day wandering. Just as I wanted to, I let the Pea take charge, take pictures, and lead the way. Yes, we did a lot of backtracking; yes, we missed some of the exhibits; yes, the cafe served wine, but turned out I didn't need it...I rather enjoyed our little adventure.

Here are some of her pictures:

Took her a few to get the hang of it, but I think she did pretty good. I didn't include the 20 or so of me driving, the 15 or so fuzzy dark ones of what I am not sure, or the 3 of my butt.

Today is supposed to be sign up for a class. I don't think I need to spend any more time away from the Pea than I already do, so not gonna, BUT, I will be taking a yoga class every week now, so let's just count that and move on.

lessons

2011-09-23T19:36:00.001-04:00

A few lessons for the day:

1) Feel your boobies, then get someone else to feel your boobies. I missed a lump, luckily, during my annual grope and feel (aka annual exam), my doctor found it. Now I get to go get a squish and flatten (aka mammogram) which I am not looking forward to, but is obviously necessary. I, clearly, was not thorough enough, because as soon as she felt it, I did too, but somehow yesterday, I missed it...I suspect I am not the only one who has done this, so I guess it is safe to say you can't have too many people feeling your boobies.

2) Chatting up little girls is really quite fun. This was my assignment for the day via the Frisky and since I have the pleasure of chatting up the Pea on a regular basis I tried to change things up a bit and ask questions I normally wouldn't have, and listen better than I normally do. She is a riot. We did a lot of driving today and for most of it she talked. I found out you can keep a cow in a cardboard box, as long as it is in the back of a pick-up truck; pink is the best color, even though it isn't in the rainbow; you can't have flowers or rainbows without rain, and umbrellas are fun, so rainy days are AWESOME (I won't ever bitch about the rain again); powdered doughnuts, because they are messier, are better than pumpkin doughnuts (I disagree); doctor's offices are fun (again, I disagree) and we need to have more adventures (on this one I agree, wholeheartedly).

3) Sometimes just hearing about someone else's job makes you LOVE yours. I don't make a lot of money, I don't have any prestige, I am not using my degree, and I don't cure or save people. I am OK with it...why? Because I have ZERO stress, the people I work with appreciate me (or at least seem too), I make enough money that I am comfortable, and most importantly: it affords me the time I need to take care of myself and the Pea. Do I wish I was independently wealthy and could be at home all day every day? YES, however, as far as jobs go, since I do need one, I can't complain.

The Pea and I are going on an adventure this weekend...remember how I said we were going to the museum? Well, why go to the local one when you can go to The Smithsonian? Baby girl wants adventure, Mama wants out of town, Booya to the rescue. He needs a ride to Virginia, I have a car, why the hell not?

12 & 13

2011-09-22T19:58:00.000-04:00

Day 12: Embrace your inner girly girl

The Frisky suggests doing this by wearing pink. Ok, well, yesterday was day 12, and I forgot to wear pink; I decided to change day 12 to "Embrace your girly GIRLS" and give myself an exam. I have been rather slack about feeling my boobies lately, and with October approaching, and the whole pink thing, I think it fits the bill. No lumps, whew, but to all you reading: FEEL YOUR BOOBIES...and while you are at it, take a look at your skin too. Skin cancer is the most common cancer in the US...breast cancer is the most common among women, and while lung cancer is the most deadly, there isn't a self exam for that one.

Day 13: Write a letter to your best friend.

If I rally and get off this computer I will write Smash, if I don't, I will do it over the weekend. I wanted to quote the Frisky on this one though, because I couldn't have said it better:

Buy an actual stamp, and put the addressed envelope into an actual mailbox. You’ll be bawling into five separate Kleenexes by the end of this exercise, but you’ll also have a handle on the ingredients for the glue that holds a good relationship together. Gentleness. Trust. Unconditional love. Honesty. Forgiveness...Why expect less out of your lover than you do a best friend? Sit with that thought for a moment.

It took Smash and I awhile to develop the relationship we do now. There was some trial and error, a few hiccups along the way, but now we have a fantastic relationship, and it does indeed have those 5 ingedients.

The Boy and I have been talking some, and despite having said initially I would NEVER give him another chance, there is a voice inside my head saying "never say never." I will take the above to heart as we proceed forward, starting with forgiveness, working on the gentleness and trust, and not accepting anything other than honesty and unconditional love.

pixie dust

2011-09-20T19:32:00.001-04:00

Start a “Go to Hell” Fund

A “go to hell” fund (as often referenced in the personal finance blogosphere) is a nice nest egg of quick cash that’s at your disposal in case you want to, for example, quit a job you hate, get out of a terrible roommate situation, or relocate due to a relationship gone bad (ahem). It’s also known as a “freedom fund”—freedom to leave a situation if you need to or escape anyone who’s screwing you over. Having four to six months’ worth of living expenses at your disposal is ideal.

Welllll, lucky for me, after going through a yucko divorce and AT THE SAME TIME yucko job loss (that was NOT a good year) and depleting all my funds and feeling completely helpless, the very FIRST thing I did when I got back on my feet was start a savings account and start drafting money into that account every other week. My "go to hell fund" is actually pretty fat right now, or rather, it WAS...tee hee. Why go to hell when you can go to the happiest place on earth? That's right...using the fund to go to Disney...every year until the Pea refuses to go along. Disney is now a line item in my budget and I intend to keep it that way. I know the mouse doesn't need my money, but I need the magic, and I need something to look forward to. The Pea and I also need a tradition. Since holidays are split with DH and alternate from year to year, and we don't have a family lake house or anything that we go to, we need something. Traditions are important, they are comforting, and they make you feel like a kid again when you get older.

I don't need to fund my freedom, I already have it (and I paid for it, in full) what I need is happy memories, time with my kiddo, and a little bit of pixie dust...and like freedom, pixie dust aint cheap.

perspective

2011-09-19T22:06:00.001-04:00

day 10: Stop watching crap reality TV and change your perspective by taking in some art.

Well, all good in theory, and I DO have my TV off, even though I REEEAAAALY want to watch that episode of The Real Housewives that is in my DVR, but the art museum here is open from 10-5...what am I doing from 10-5? Working. Yeah, I would love to scamper off to a museum and chill a bit while looking at great art...

pause for a sec to look at one of my favorite pieces:

...but I can't, because baby girl needs shoes, and clothes, and a roof over her head, and food, and trips to Disney World, and I couldn't exactly provide all that if I were hanging out in museums instead of at my desk. So what's a girl to do? Nothing. Nothing today anyway, but I think I have a plan for Saturday now. The Pea and I are going to go to the museum, and I am going to challenge myself to follow her lead, and see it from HER perspective.

I have a tendency of planning everything I do for the sake of efficiency. If I go anywhere...the mall, Target, a museum, a theme park...I am essentially on a mission. I hate backtracking, I always go counterclockwise, and I hussle, I move fast. If she wants to backtrack, we will backtrack...if she wants to go clockwise, well then we will...and if she wants to stop to look at a tree and completely ignore the sculpture standing next to it, well then that is what we will do. I will get out of my comfort zone of structure, I will NOT look at the map, I will bite my lip when I want to say "hurry up" and I will NOT get anxious when it becomes clear that we will not be seeing everything...I will enjoy the day, and just being there...I will, I really will *fingers crossed*...I sure hope they serve wine in the cafe.

books

2011-09-18T10:54:00.000-04:00

Well, last night was fun...the weather, which was kinda crappy, and my nose, which was kinda stuffy, prevented me from having a bang up good time, but it was good to get out, hang with good people, and have a few beers. I'm not doing much of anything today, even though my house needs attention and my clothes need washing. Today I am going to stay in bed and read...just so happens today is day 9 and day 9 is read a book you loved as a little girl.

The Frisky suggests going to the library and finding a book you loved as a kid and re-reading it. It is Sunday, so the Library is closed, and I'm not much up for heading out to a bookstore, so I grabbed a few books out of my bookcase.

Here are my choices, you can click on the titles for a link to Amazon.

Oh, The Places You'll Go

The Blue Day Book

Lulu Atlantis And The Quest For True Blue Love

stuffy

2011-09-17T16:35:00.000-04:00

Day 8 update...

Didn't find a dress, or a cute top, or anything that screams "look at me!" but I did have a nice lunch and got SexyLegs all caught up.

I think I am coming down with a cold, which given that I have been stressed out and not eating is not surprising, BUT sure does SUCK.

I am going out tonight, and I AM going to have fun...stuffy nose be damned. Hmmm, who knows what goes in a hot toddy and more importantly, can I put it in a wine glass?

day 8

2011-09-17T10:43:00.000-04:00

Alrighty...the box is packed and stuffed in the guest bedroom. There was surprisingly little to pack away given that we were together almost two years...just another reminder of how NOT invested we really were.

Today is day 8: go out and buy a "look at me" dress.

As soon as I can get off this computer, I am going to get ready. I'm meeting SexyLegs for lunch and then we are going shopping; I'm gonna buy something that looks fabulous on me. I'm excited.

the box

2011-09-16T20:05:00.000-04:00

Get a box, any box, and box up his crap.

It has been a very long, very busy day, and on top of the craziness at work I had the every other Friday three hour drive to take the Pea to her dad. Not only is it long and tiring, but letting her go bums me out...I just got home and ALL I want to do is crawl into bed with a glass of wine. The LAST thing I want to do is start going around the house looking for HIS stuff and boxing it up. The few things he has here (random toiletries, a toothbrush, a razor, some clothes) have become part of the background and I don't really see them anymore...actively seeking them out, touching them, smelling them (yeah, I'm one of those people that smells everything) will just make me think about him more, just think about all that we COULD have been, all the times he let me down, etc. etc. and I will just get sad.

Right now sad is not an option.

Tomorrow, when I have more energy, it will be another story. Tomorrow, it's all about the box.

day 6

2011-09-16T06:30:00.000-04:00

Day 6 was go grocery shopping...well, I didn't, and then I had technical difficulties trying to get signed into blogger last night so instead of writing about grocery shopping, I drank a glass of wine and went to bed. Here is day 6 from last time...

Monday, July 6, 2009

single shopping

Day 6: Congratulations: You’ve got your fridge back. Go Grocery Shopping, you’re single now, and you can buy what you want.

I think this is great...one of the things I LOVE about being single is having my fridge to myself. I don't have to "meal plan" or keep certain things stocked...no one ever complains that the box of wine takes up too much room, I buy what I want, when I want, and since I have been out on my own I have NEVER once heard the phrase "we don't have anything good to eat" uttered in my house. I especially love that I don't have to remember "his" bread or "his" peanut butter or "his" milk anymore, cuz the Pea and I BOTH eat wheat, all natural creamy with honey, and organic 2%, so there is no double stocking of anything.

In addition to having my fridge back, some other things that I am glad I no longer have to share: The toilet...boys are gross, boys miss, boys make messes and don't clean them up, it blows my mind that I don't have to scrub the toilet every week like I used to, and it is great. I was lucky enough that I never had to share my sink with DH, but now I have 2 all to myself...LOVE IT. The garage...it is all mine, mine, mine, mine...just for my little car and all my crap...if I want to leave the stroller, and my golf clubs, and the dirty laundry, by the door, I can, and no one complains.

So, I told Booya to go out shopping, not just grocery, but clothes, or tools, or whatever strikes his man fancy, buy some stuff that she would think gross, or roll her eyes at, and last I heard he was headed out...should be interesting

planning

2011-09-14T20:46:00.002-04:00

Today, you’re going to plan to get the hell out of Dodge.

Roger, that.

I have no problem planning a trip. I plan trips all the damn time. I spend more time planning vacations than I actually spend ON vacation. As you know, I am planning a trip to Disney World, and there are spreadsheets, and revisions, and more revisions, and back-up plans, and contingency plans, and backup plans to the contingency plans, BUT since that trip was already in the works, I thought it only appropriate (in light of the break-up guide and all...just following along...) that I would plan another, NEW, trip. I would LOVE to jet off to Hawaii. HawaiiMom, I even priced tickets and looked into borrowing a timeshare, but there is just no way (I do think it could be a reality 2013 though!) unfortunately right NOW, not only do I not have any leave available, I have zero money in the bank, and robbing one is frowned on.

Soooooo, *little drum roll* Charleston, here I come! OK, here Booya and I come...in two months, if neither of us is dating anyone, and we can get a cheap but nice hotel, and he remembers to book it, and it's only for two days, but whatever...

I'm really all about the planning anyway. If the trip happens, great, we had a ton of fun last time and even though the Pea won't be along for the ride, and I have no desire to talk to Booya about Pooh Bear and Crocodiles (or was it alligators?) it could still be fun. More fun for me at this moment though, is the way planning takes me out of the present, and transports me into a time and place where I don't have to worry about anything; someone else cleans up after me, someone else cooks for me, and I don't have to set an alarm. That is a pretty damn happy place and just thinking about it makes me feel better.

I may start planning another Disney trip just for good measure...and one to Massachusetts...oooh, Hilton Head could be fun.

short notice

2011-09-13T20:00:00.000-04:00

Day 4: Get a drink with your girls. "Tonight, they’ll sit on your right and left sides at a bar, forming a sort of She-Ra-esque force field. Your friends will intercept and rebuff any men who try to hit on you, because this evening is about you, quality cocktails, and your pals reassuring you that it’s gonna be OK."

Oooooh, an excuse to be all Sex and the City, I'm ON it.

I sat in a gorgeous trendy bar, with hot bartenders; I had on a fabulous outfit with a pair of brand new Manolo Blahniks. I sipped Cosmos, with two of my girlfriends, and we all flipped our hair and rejected the 50 or so men that hit on us.

Or not...

The truth is I went to a local pub, in my jeans, with Dr. Cox and Booya; I ordered a pint of Newcastle. The waitress was older than my mother and called us "hon" and tonight's special was Bud Bottles.

It was the best I could do on short notice.

There was really NEVER a chance of either Dr. Cox or Booya having to fend off, rebuff, or intercept anyone, and that was fine with me. I did some talking, I did some listening, Dr. Cox flipped his hair, and I left feeling like it was all gonna be ok...mission accomplished.

goggles and bibles

2011-09-12T18:49:00.000-04:00

Today is day 3...day 3 is make a Break-Up Bible. The Break-Up Bible comes in handy when you throw on the break-up goggles and suddenly think it is a good idea to give it "one more try." Break-up goggles are similar to beer goggles in that they cloud your vision and perception, and turn an otherwise not very attractive person into THE most attractive person on the planet. Sometimes beer and break-up goggles get put on simultaneously, and that is ALWAYS bad. The Frisky suggests you actually print out things your friends have said, or write them down in a little notebook, and refer to them when necessary, thus creating your very own "bible" to refer to when what you want to do is pick up the phone and sob "I miss you..." I find sending frantic text messages to your friends works even better.

Today I found myself wearing the dreaded break-up goggles. I was driving down the road and happened to see The Boy driving in the other direction. In that moment I was suddenly very sad and lonely (or was it mad and horny?) and I forgot all the bad times, all the drama, all the heartache, all the fights, all the bullshit, and just saw "my guy." Next thing I knew, I was crying.

I pulled over and texted the following to Booya: call me, tlk me off the ledge, jst saw him & 4 whatevr reasn am sad & want 2 call him, so call me b4 i do!!

The phone rang, only it wasn't him, it was Smash, which was probably even better, because she is the one who knew it all, was there through it all, and knows me better than anyone. Off the ledge I came, and then I talked to Booya, and all was right in the world again.

I know we are better off apart, I know we are not a good fit, I know I need to move on, I just needed to hear it out loud, from someone else, and that is why listening to your friends is BRILLIANT advice. Anyone else out there who wants to chime in, go ahead, I can take it, I'm listening...I don't know that I will write it all down and keep a notebook in my wallet for quick reference, but I may text you and ask you to tell me again.

never forget

2011-09-11T10:08:00.000-04:00

It's day 2 of the break-up guide, which is "Tell your friends" and yeah, pretty much covered. Not only do my friends, his friends, everyone we work with and all my neighbors now know, but random people all over the planet who read this blog, some of whom don't even know me, know, so yeah...done.

Ok, moving on, because honestly on THIS day, a silly break-up just seems really insignificant and petty.

10 years ago, right now, I was standing in my bedroom, half dressed in my flight attendant uniform, sobbing, terrified, and completely stunned. We all know where we were and what we were doing, and it changed us.

My whole life changed, and I was one of the lucky ones who ONLY lost a job and my sense of security. I didn't lose a loved one.

Take a moment, no, take the whole damn day, to be grateful for what, and who, you have...and remember those less fortunate...vow to never forget and never assume we are safe from those who hate us...and make sure you tell those that you love that you do, because you never know when it is your last chance to do so.

day 1

2011-09-10T08:53:00.000-04:00

Ok how many of you remember the break-up guide? A little flashback if you don't, or weren't along on my journey back then: http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2009/07/30-days.html

Wellllll...here we are again!! Yay, me...only this time Booya is just tagging along for the ride and helping me out, since he doesn't happen to be broken hearted at the moment.

The break-up from The Boy happened just before leaving for FL, and as anyone who has gone through one can attest, getting the HELL out of dodge is good medicine. Unfortunately for me, I had to come back, and reality bitch slapped me right upside the head. Work was not much fun yesterday, and the evening drama was even less. I woke up this morning ready to face the day and get back to taking care of me and I'm starting with 30 days of whatever The Frisky thinks I need.

Day 1: Change your cell phone wallpaper.

Well, I didn't really need to do that, cuz the Pea is my subject of choice on my phone always, but I did have to change a ring tone, so that is gonna be my day 1. Back in the day, when I WANTED to hear from The Boy, I gave him and Smash the same ring tone, when I heard that one I knew it was someone I wanted to talk to. Well, that particular ring tone NOW sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me...I don't wanna hear it anymore. Smash will get a new one as well, just for her, and NEVER again will she share one.

more soon

2011-09-04T21:49:00.000-04:00

Well they have updated Blogger, and I think I will be able to actually publish this post...if you are reading, it obviously did.

I am currently parked in a hotel room in Florida; tomorrow is Betty's daughter's wedding and the Pea and I are here so we can attend. It is a much needed break from reality (as reality has not been fabulous lately) and a nice little mini vacation for the two of us. The Pea spent last week with her dad so we are in need of some much needed reconnection time, and after breaking things off with The Boy, I am in need of that "I'll just runaway from all that sucks right now" time.

We just had a nice little swim in the pool, after a most excellent prime rib dinner in the hotel restaurant, and I am ready to go to bed and get some much needed sleep.

More soon, I hope...thanks for reading, and encouraging, and being there, all of you who are.

xo

quality

2011-08-20T09:54:00.004-04:00

A month!! It has been a damn month since I was able to get online and write.

OMG...so here is the skinny:

I got home from a crazy, fun filled (or not) loud weekend with my family and The Boy and immediately upon getting home, jumped on the computer. Well a few notices for updates popped up and my virus scan was busy so I went ahead with the updates and got busy doing something else. Fast forward to later that night, sign on to blogger and NOTHING...error. WTF, ok, whatever, they are having issues, going to bed.

The next day...same thing. Huh? Restart, sign in, still more problems, clearly that update effed up the computer...aggghhhhhhh.

Every night (or so) for the next week and a half I get on the damn thing and do everything I know to do to get it working. Cookies were deleted, programs were uninstalled and reinstalled, sign in, sign out, shut down, restart, help, tech support "Halloo my neme is Rom, hoo can elp you? No soory I no understand..." I am ready to throw it out the bedroom window and jump up and down clapping as it sails down to the driveway and shatters into a million pieces when the Pea says "MOMMY! You are ALWAYS on the computer, stop working and pay me some attention!" The computer has been off since then.

Well, the Pea is with her dad, I have figured out that Safari likes Blogger, and now I like Safari too (to hell with internet explorer) and here I am...

So, what is new?

Everything and nothing. It seems like life is crazy, and yet nothing ever changes...I am like a hamster running on a wheel and I want to get off, but I can't stop or slow down cuz it will upset the whole balance and quite possibly throw me off.

As a result of all the chaos I have had the overwhelming urge to clear out, get organized, and maybe? regain control. I am starting with my closet and hoping that by getting rid of the old, ugly, too small, and too big, I will feel less overwhelmed and claustrophobic. Ever feel like you just have too much stuff and it's weighing you down?

After the closet I will move on to the Pea's room. With her 100 miles away I might actually be able to get rid of something (or many, many, many somethings, fingers crossed) without hearing "NOOOOOO mommy, you CAN'T throw that away, I LOOOVE IT, it is my FAVORITE. TOY. EV-ER!"

Next will come the baskets of paperwork, bills, magazines, invitations for things already over (oops), expiration notices, phone numbers written on scraps of paper, craft projects that I HAD to keep even though I have about three thousand too many macaroni and bead "what is this again?" doodads, cards that I bought that never got sent, coupons I meant to use that are now expired, flyers for events that I meant to attend, recipes...etc, etc.

Last, but probably most important, will be my computer. I am pretty sure I don't care that someone I went to high school with, that I barely knew or cared about then, just scored 1000 bedazzled points...I also don't care to see the cleavage of some girl in a fuzzy picture taken at a bar by some other person I dated briefly and no longer give a shit about.

Seems like everyone professes to believe in quality over quantity but then proves otherwise in their day to day. I can't tell you how many shirts I have bought because they were a "good deal", that now hang in my closet because after I wore them once and washed them they looked like crap. My Brooks Brothers shirts on the other hand I have had for years and wear over and over...why don't I just buy Brooks Brothers now? Because then I would only be able to buy one shirt and doesn't it feel so much better to come home with a bag full? If I calculated out what each one costs per wear I would probably kick myself...that $10 shirt cost me $10 per wear, the BB probably pennies. It is time to clear out the quantity and invest in only quality from now on, and not just in shirts.

I don't need 400 "friends", but I do need to reconnect with the ones I really care about and want to maintain a relationship with. My daughter doesn't need 800 crappy little dollar store toys, but that Pooh bear that has now been through 6 years, and she loves like a sister, could be picked up off the floor and given a nice clean shelf to sit on. And maybe, If I had a better system for mail when it came in the house I wouldn't forget to send those birthday and thank you cards and the people who deserve to get them would know that I was thinking about them and grateful.

Wonder what else I have in my life that I would better off without?

I'm off to find out, have a happy weekend!

are you a vampire?

2011-07-17T20:50:00.010-04:00

Earlier today:
The Pea: "Mommy, are you a vampire?"
Me: "Uhm, no?" (WTH?!)
The Pea: "Hmmmm, are you a werewolf?"
Me: "NO! Why are you asking me, that's absurd."
The Pea: "You have sharp teeth, and I was just wondering."
Well that explains it then...

I thought, in light of that little conversation, I would go ahead and write down a few of the conversations we have on a regular basis, or have had that stuck in my head. Hope you get a kick out of them, but I am doing it more for me, so I remember them when she is older and no longer talks to me because I am her mom, and therefore lame.

The Pea: "Are you pooping?"
I get this every time I go in a bathroom, any bathroom.
Every. Single. Time.

"MOOMMMMMYYYYYY!"
Running upstairs, convinced when I get there she will be missing a limb..."What baby?!"
"The fish is died." (No, that's not a typo)
Oh thank God, it's just the fish...peering in the little tank...
"Nope, baby he is fine...see now he is swimming, he must have been sleeping." Do fish sleep?
This little scenario gets repeated each night for the next three nights.
The fourth night: "MOOMMMMMMMYYYYY! HE'S DIED, HE REALLY DIED THIS TIME!"
From downstairs, because I am over it. "NO, he is not! He is not dead, stop saying that, just feed him and he will start swimming."
A few minutes later from behind me "Mom."
"WHAT?!"
"Mom, look." In her hand is the fish.
Oopsie...
"Oh, yeah, he's really dead."
"Told you."

Upon finding my brand new patio furniture already starting to fall apart "Ahhh shit."
Without missing a beat: "Mom, shit is a bad word."

The other day riding in the car, out of nowhere:
"You can't ride in my Lamborghini cuz your butt's too big and the seat's too teeny."
"What are you singing?!"
And again, "You can't ride in my Lamborghini cuz your butt's too big and the seat's too teeny!"
?!?

Getting ready for camp, gathering all her stuff:
"Mom, I'm going to take God to camp today."
"Oh yeah? In your heart?"
"No, in my backpack."
"Oh really? Hmmmm."
Curious.
"Can I see?"
Big sigh, "Sure." Which sounds like Shuah*
And out of her backpack comes Jesus.
(Little background: My Aunt is a nun, she gave her a Jesus doll a few years ago at Christmas, I had forgotten about the doll until that moment.)

*A few more examples of how she says certain words:
Bird=Buhd
Car=Cah
Umbrella=Umbungha (this cracks me up)
Sister=Sistah
World=Wuhld
Water=Watah
Yellow=Lellow
Girl=Guhl

"Mom."
"What baby."
"What is dissipate?"
Yikes...uhm, ok "Well...it is when something kind of just goes away."
"Like dies?"
"No, no, jeez, uhm, ok...ya know when you fart (it was all I could think of at the moment) and at first it smells bad, but then it kind of just goes away? Well, it dissipates."
"Oh."
A few seconds pass, I see her thinking, she is scrunching up her face, and then:
"Well then how in the wuhld am I going to dissipate in graduation?"

And finally, one of my favorites:
"Youah the bestest mommy evah."
"Aww, thanks baby, you're the best daughter ever."
"I know."

lift off

2011-07-09T10:44:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I watched the launch of the Space Shuttle Atlantis. I am lucky enough to work for a company that allows us to take a few hours a week to work out and my gym has tv screens at each treadmill. I raced to the gym yesterday at 11a.m. staked out the treadmill I wanted, which was really not a problem since there was only one other person in the whole place, and flipped to the news. I power walked through the countdown, and the delay, and then as I watched it liftoff, held my breath and started to cry. Not ugly sobbing cry (cuz that would have been weird) just shed a few tears for the end of an era.

I watched the very first shuttle launch as a kid, and can remember it like it was yesterday. I wanted to be a pilot, and to pilot the fastest, most technologically advanced aircraft into and back from space, well, that would have been the ultimate. I was, however, a scrawny, asthmatic girl, so after telling a few people (my father for one) of that dream, and being told in no uncertain terms that that was ridiculous, I just kept my little dream to myself.

The buildup to the launch was all over the news and I was obsessed, I wanted to be there, but since that wasn't an option, I was damn sure gonna watch it on tv. I couldn't sleep at all the night before...I didn't have an alarm clock, someone always woke me up, and I was told that no one was getting up to watch it, so I wasn't allowed. I tossed and turned getting up every half hour or so to see what time it was, and finally at just before 4a.m. I snuck downstairs and turned on the tv. I remember sitting right in front of it, with my legs crossed, leaning forward so I could hear (I knew if anyone got woken up because I had the tv on, I would be in deep shit). T-minus 6 I started holding my breath, then watched with amazement as it rose in the air. I wanted to applaud, I wanted to jump up and down, I wanted to run upstairs and tell my father what I had just saw and I wanted him to be just as excited as me. Instead I just sat there for awhile, and kept watching, and then turned off the tv and went back to bed. I looked it up yesterday, because I wanted to make sure I had remembered it right, and because I was curious to see how old I was at the time, and if it really did happen at 4a.m. like I remembered.

The Space Shuttle Columbia's first launch was April 12, 1981 at 0600 CST. I would have been 7, and since I lived on the west coast, it would have been 0400 local.

I also watched the launch of the Challenger...which for my generation became the "where were you when..." like the Kennedy assassination had been for the previous generations. I was in 7th grade science class, and my teacher was obsessed like I had been, had even applied to be the one who got to go up as part of the teacher in space program. She dragged in one of those tvs on a cart, set it up in front of the class, and we all watched. I remember how excited she was, she wouldn't stop fidgeting or talking, and she kept saying how this was history we were watching. When it blew up the whole class just sat there...we weren't quite sure what had happened, or what it really meant, we were all just stunned. The teacher started to cry, no one knew what to do, and then the bell rang and scared the crap out of us.

The only other memorable launch for me was one I was able to catch from the cockpit of an airliner. We were flying from Miami to Raleigh and the pilots called me up to see something. The three of us watched as it rose from what seemed like directly underneath us to above us and out of sight. I couldn't tell you which one it was, or what mission, but it is one of those experiences that I feel lucky to have had.

I am sad the program is ending...I think it is ridiculous that we are going to pay the Russians to take us into space when we can take ourselves, and I am perplexed with the reasoning that allows thousands of skilled, incredibly intelligent people to lose their jobs...doesn't make sense to me to have them on the unemployment payroll when they could be creating something, discovering something, or inspiring someone (a 7 year old girl perhaps?) by keeping their job.

I wonder what the true cost, long term, will be, to ending the program.

red white and cranky

2011-07-04T19:29:00.006-04:00

Is it possible for a 5 year old to have a nervous breakdown? If not, we are in the middle of the longest tantrum E-VER.

Every word has been whined, nothing is good enough or exactly what she wants, she is hot, she is cold, she can't get comfortable, and I am about to LOSE it.

I can't write because I can't concentrate.

The fireworks going off all over the place aren't helping. She wants to be out there enjoying the show, I want her to go the f*%! to sleep...neither of us are getting what we want. There are two cranky girls in NC tonight.

We had a good weekend, and got to celebrate our 4th yesterday, but I think I will plan on taking next 5th of July off. Truth is I want to be out there enjoying the show too, without having to worry about that alarm that is set to go off at 5:30 in the morning, and I suspect if we WERE out there, doing something fun, she would not be Miss Bratty Pants...or she would be, but I would have had enough "mommy juice" to think it was cute and laugh it off. Either way, much better moods all around, and a lesson learned for next year.

Happy 4th y'all!

20 years

2011-06-26T20:08:00.002-04:00

I just got the invite to my 20 year high school reunion. I knew it was coming, and unfortunately I won't be attending because of a schedule conflict, but it got me thinking about the me I was then, versus the me I am now. Despite it feeling like it has been no where near two decades, more like two blinks of the eye, quite a bit has changed...and definitely for the better. I wish I could write my teenage self a letter, tell her how things are now...I wish if I could she would actually listen. I think it would go something like this:

Dear K,

Well, you made it...you got through, got yourself a diploma, and now it's time to move on, except, well...don't, SLOW DOWN, enjoy your summer.

Get to know your sister, she ends up becoming your best friend, and she needs you now. When you will realize this you not only will feel really guilty, but really sad that you didn't do it sooner.

Instead of just trying to graduate, try to enjoy college...take a few of those classes that you WANT to take, instead of just the ones you HAVE to take. You don't end up graduating on time anyway so you might as well.

Oh, and regarding that, the reason you don't is because instead of trusting your gut and calling off that wedding, you go through with it, and it ends badly...TRUST YOUR GUT, ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT.

You aren't Martha Stewart, you CAN'T be perfect, no matter how hard you try. You can't control much of anything, much less everything, and Martha ends up going to jail so stop wasting your time trying to be her.

You aren't super model skinny, but you ARE thin enough and pretty enough, so take off that stupid cover up when you are in Mexico, you will look at pictures of yourself 20 years from now and think "damn, I looked good back then."

You will spend about a bazillion dollars on every cream and serum that advertises a dramatic reduction in the appearance of fine lines and sun spots and you will be disappointed in every. single. one. Save yourself some money, WEAR SUNSCREEN.

Regarding men, if your first instinct is that he is a douche, you are right. He is. Oh, and that guy, that guy that you have been pining over...he is gonna call in about 10 years and guess what? Your heart is NOT going to skip a beat, you are NOT going to run off together into the sunset and have the greatest love affair of all time, matter of fact you aren't even going to know who the hell he is when you first answer the phone...you can stop pining.

The next 20 years will fly by.

You won't accomplish what you think you should, it's ok. Contrary to what you want to believe, you will find out you are more ordinary than extraordinary, but again, it's ok. You aren't as smart as you think, nor as fat. Stop taking yourself, and life, so damn seriously, no one gets out alive so you might as well enjoy it while you can.

K

dad's day

2011-06-19T10:45:00.003-04:00

It's Father's Day...the day we celebrate and cherish our fathers, thank them for being our hero's, and if we are lucky, spend time with them. I have two fathers, a biological one, and a real one. My real dad I met when I was 5 or 6 six years old, when he started dating my mom. I was living with my biological one at the time, was a little girl, being raised by a single dad, in the 1970's...It is fairly rare now, back then it was almost unheard of. Looking back on it, I realize how hard it must have been for him, and despite only being in his early thirties, how he did a pretty good job. I have memories of being very lonely and wanting more attention from him, but also of plenty of times when it was just him and I, doing something fun, creative, exciting, or active. I remember him trying to teach me to play tennis, helping him lay a brick patio, accompanying him to work at his office and the hospital. I would have been the age the Pea is now, and as I raise her, and try and balance a full time job and personal life with being a good mommy, I understand how difficult it was for him and how much patience and love he must have had for me. I also remember falling in love with the man who was falling in love with my mom, and feeling very lucky that I could end up with two dads.

When I was eight years old I moved in with my mom and her new husband, the man I now call Dad. I asked if I could...on a whim, one day when I was feeling particularly lonely, I told him I wanted to live with mom and Smash, he agreed, and a few weeks (or months, I am really not sure) later, my father drove me to their house, his old Ford pickup filled with all my furniture, clothes, toys, and books. When we arrived he stopped the truck and before I got out he said "You understand this is permanent right? You can't change your mind, or go back and forth." I hadn't, and while I certainly couldn't have understood the complex legal battle that had taken place for the last 4 years, or all the pain and resentment that had built between my parents, until he said that, I hadn't given it any thought at all. I just knew I missed my mom and my sister and I wanted to feel like a part of a family, but all of a sudden, in that instant, I realized I had made a huge decision, and I wasn't sure if it was the right one. Since that was well before I had my own child, and was able to admit I DIDN'T know everything, I just nodded and said "yeah, I know."

Two years later Mom, Dad, Smash, our two dogs, and I, moved to the other side of the continent, about as far away from our old life as we could get without leaving the country. The relationship with my biological father disintegrated after that and I haven't seen him in 25 years...haven't spoken to him in 17. He doesn't wish me Happy Birthday, I don't wish him Happy Father's Day...he didn't see me graduate high school or college, get married (either time), become a mother, become a single mother, he wasn't there to check out my house when I bought it, he has never said "I'm proud of you". I won't be the one who takes care of him when he is too old to take care of himself, or the one who stands up at his funeral to tell others what a fine man and father he was.

I have learned, both by having, and being, a flawed parent, that good parenting (and some days, when it is all you can manage, good enough parenting) is about choosing, every day, to BE a parent. It isn't enough to just be, to just love, to just live...you must choose to SHOW that you are available, open, loving, caring, committed, and grateful. Some days it is easy, you feel good, stress is low, they are cute and sweet...other days it is work, it feels like your world is collapsing, they are out of control, mean, or bratty. For some it comes easy, those that have great partners, great support systems and families, plenty of money, and ample opportunity...for some it comes naturally, those that had great parents themselves, are in a good place in their life, and are genuinely happy...for the rest of us, it is a constant fumbling, stumbling, and learning, punctuated by moments of brilliance and joy.

My real dad had his share of stumbling and fumbling, but he was there. He made a choice to BE in my life, and in the life of my daughter. He will get a phone call today, a wish for a happy day...not the other guy...and the pain I feel today, the little piece of my heart that breaks because of it, reminds me that in order for my daughter to not feel this way, ever, I need to choose love, choose forgiveness, and choose a life that allows her have both her parents, and any subsequent step parents, in her life, always.

For those of you who can't pick up the phone and call, or spend the day with, your dad, for whatever reason, I'm sorry...for those of you who can, make sure he knows how much you appreciate him. For all you guys out there who have changed countless diapers, run many a bath, kissed a million boo-boos, read a story so many times you have it memorized, who don't consider watching your kids babysitting, who can't imagine your kiddo graduating or getting married without being you being there, who take your grandchildren any chance you get, not just when you are asked, who show strangers pictures and beam with pride: Happy Father's Day!!

To my dad, Poppi: thanks, Happy Father's Day, I love you.

To DH: thanks, Happy Father's Day, I think we are doing a pretty good job.

yummy

2011-06-12T21:13:00.006-04:00

I'm home from a lovely weekend with The Boy. We went out of town and spent our time at a most amazing resort, The Umstead. We had THE best meal either of us had ever had (granted, a five star restaurant you should not walk out of thinking "meh" but still). It got me thinking about some of the best food I had ever had and as a bit of a nod to the show on the Food Network "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" I thought I would share.

Well, obviously, the meal on Saturday...but the highlight was the cauliflower chowder. I have never had cauliflower chowder, must admit, never even heard of it, but now I want it for every meal for the next oh, twenty years or so. It was amazing. We started the meal with the apricot and mascarpone scones and I loved them so much I got the recipe. The Boy couldn't believe they gave it to me, but I suspect they are so confident in my ability to NOT be able to recreate them that they were like "sure lady, knock yourself out...moohhahahahahhaha." For our second course we both had the Caesar, it was by far the most interesting presentation ever, and I loved that they give you a whole anchovy on the side...I could have done with another 3 or 4, but since most people don't like them, I could see how they would mostly go to waste. I had the chicken, The Boy had the steak, both were phenomenal.

As a Carolina gal I have had my fair share of BBQ, and yes, I have been to Memphis, and had it there too, but THE BEST BBQ on the planet, as far as I'm concerned is at Dinosaurs in Rochester NY. NY BBQ you say?! No way...YES WAY, and it's worth the trip. Fly up for a weekend (preferably in the summer so you don't have to deal with the absurd snow or wind), stay at the Sheraton Four Points, and walk over to Dinosaurs. You will know the direction to head upon walking outside cuz you can smell it in the air. They cook the meat outside and it makes you want to come and eat it. Get the Carolina plate, which laughably is not even close to Carolina BBQ, but is the best none the less. They pair it with the most amazing slaw (again, nothing like Carolina slaw, but awesome) and baked beans. Orgasm on a plate, happy times.

Regarding pork...there is one other way that I love it, on a Cuban sandwich. Usually my notorious clumsiness brings me nothing but misery and embarrassment. Strolling through the streets of South Beach, it scored me a sandwich. I stumbled upon a little hole in the wall Cuban joint...literally stumbled, on a crack in the pavement, and bit it. As I was picking myself up and dusting myself off I looked to my left at the assorted Cubans staring back at me from what appeared an outdoor bar, only inside. I know that sounds crazy, but it was one of those places with the big open window and lots of fans, and a dirty floor, and SOMETHING smelled incredible. To this day, I don't think I could find my way back to it, or even if it still exists, but I was hungry, and tired, and had just eaten the sidewalk, so I figured a beer and a bite of some real food was needed. My graceful gringo ass was the only white one in there and no one spoke English but me...I somehow managed a beer ("uno, dos, cerveza, tequila, gracias" pretty much sums up my Spanish, but comes in incredibly handy) and their special, which as it turned out was the Cuban. Just the sandwich, no fries, not fancy. It was the most perfect combination of pork, ham, mustard, pickle, and cheese on to die for bread. I'm sure at any little Cuban place in South Beach you can get a great Cubano, but for me, that was the best, and if I am ever stumbling around in Florida I hope to get another one.

I couldn't possibly write about food without mentioning doughnuts, now could I? No, of course not...for the record, the best I have had came from Duck Donuts in Kitty Hawk, NC. They make them fresh when you order them and you pick the topping. They are cake style, so if you are a Krispy fan, you probably won't like as much, but I LOVED them. Last, but not least, well before my travel days, back in the day when the only cheese we had in the house came in a big white box and resembled Velveta, but wasn't, if you grew up in the 70's and were poor you know all about government cheese. When spaghetti was a half of a box of noodles, a can of tomato paste and water...yeah, I shudder when I think about too, and we only had eggs if the chickens laid some and we stomped our happy asses outside and collected them, we got one treat, once in a blue moon, that I MUST share. This is one of those treats that you must not think about, read the labels on the ingredients, or monitor your intake...it is junk, plain and simple, it is terrible for you, and it is terrible for your kids, but they were a little taste of heaven as far as I was concerned, back in a period in my life when food was not in abundance, and I was hungry all the time, and we rarely got anything sweet, and they made my little heart sing.

Go to your nearest, local neighborhood, grocery. Buy one can of whompom biscuits, you know, the ones that come in a can, that you whomp on the counter to open, they are like 3 for a dollar. One little thing of vegetable oil, the cheapest they have, it will probably be like 85 cents, and a small bag of confectioners sugar. Make sure when they bag them they put it all in a small PAPER bag. Take it all home, heat up the oil, get all the biscuits out of the can and cut out the centers with a tiny cookie cutter, or knife if you don't have one. Fry up those bad boys, the outer rings and the little centers, and when they are golden brown dump them in the paper bag with the sugar and "shake 'em like a Polaroid picture." There you have it, my mama's doughnuts, and my mama has a hard time boiling water, so you know they are easy.

Oh wow, now I am hungry again, and I just had dinner and need to go to bed. Sweet dreams.

booowing

2011-06-04T17:30:00.003-04:00

I know I promised once a week, and I just wrote last night, but it is quiet in my house, I just finished a book, and I'm a little sad. See, the reason it is quiet is the Pea is at the neighbor's house. The neighbor's house is kid paradise. There is a trampoline, a swing set, a playroom, and most important, lots of kids, four actually. I was so proud of myself, sacrificing a garage and a nice big house to instead buy in a prime school district and so happy when I realized I lived in one of those neighborhoods where you could let the kids out the back door and say "go play!" and now, unfortunately, it is pissing me off. I'm glad the Pea has neighborhood kids to run with, and the run of the block, and I am glad I know she is safe and will be sent home to eat or if she misbehaves...what I don't like is that she would rather be at any other house than ours, and with any one but me. Apparently our house is boring...matter of fact she flat out said it, when I went over there to make sure she was ok and ask her if she was ready to come home "NOOOOOOO mommmmm, I wanna stay heeeeeere...pleeeeeeease, our house is boooowing."

We don't have a trampoline, or a swing set, or a play room, a wii or an xbox or koolaid, and we don't have any other kids. The Pea has finally reached the age where mom is not the coolest person on the planet...and mom is having a hard time with that. It is also contributing to my desperately wanting another baby...except not really, cuz when I think about the 9 (10) months of pregnancy, the year of breastfeeding, the potty training, the mess, the chaos, the lack of sleep, the exhaustion so deep you feel it in your bones, the terror of all things bad that you envision happening to your baby every. single. moment. of. every. day...oh my God, I need a nap just thinking about it...but then again...

Once it was fairly well decided (by whom I am still not sure) that the Pea would be my one and only I became acutely aware that I must savor every single moment and not once try and rush through a stage or utter the phrase "It will be better when she..." and yet it is STILL going by waaaay too fast. As I sit here typing what I really want to do is go outside and yell over the fence for her to come home, but then what? She is right, our house is boring...it is cozy and lovely and I love it, but I am not 5 and she is not as entertained by books without pictures and vodka as I am. Grown-ups love my house, kids, not so much. It doesn't help I have (or rather had) white sofas and a no jumping, eating, drinking, or wrestling with the dog, in the living room policy.

I want to be one of those adults that kids love...ya know the ones that can play, really play, get dirty, and have fun, but I'm not...when I think play and get dirty there are absolutely no children involved and my sense of humor is more sarcasm driven than bathroom joke driven. My kid doesn't get me at all, the only time I can make her laugh, really belly laugh anyway, is when I hurt myself and cuss. She finds all manner of "grown up words" HI-larious. I have tried to temper my potty mouth, since it is by far one of the worst on the planet, but to no avail. I have kind of given up and explained that cussing, like drinking booze and eating dark chocolate, is reserved for mommies and daddies, and since answering her question of "How did I get out your belly?" honestly, she wants no part of any of it. Every once in awhile she will ask for clarification on what constitutes a "mommy word" but for the most part she knows anything I yell after stubbing my toe or breaking something is off limits until she passes a tiny human out her lady bits. And, cuz I know you are thinking it, to the question of how she got IN my belly in the first place, I answered "God put you there after I prayed for you." I try and be as honest as possible with her, but there ARE limits.

So here I sit, in my boring house, even the dog looks bored for cryin' out loud, thinking of ways I can be more fun so that my kid will want to hang out with me. *sigh*

Oh hell...I'm gonna make a martini and watch her play in the neighbors yard from the comfort of my deck, and then when she is good and worn out I will call her home and put her to bed and watch her sleep. Every parent knows that their kids are at their absolute best and cutest when they are sound asleep. I may be boring, but I ain't stupid.

magic

2011-06-03T20:51:00.004-04:00

The week turned out to be pretty good. Having to work for only 4 of the 7 days contributed to the fabulousness, but so too did the Pea. She was particularly well behaved and neither of us ended up a puddle of tears on the floor, as is usually the case at least once a week. We are in full swing planning our next Disney vacation and I allow one video (who knew youtube had videos of the parades and shows? not I, until I was desperate to find ANYTHING Disney to bribe her with on a particularly difficult night, many moons ago) each night that she behaves and gets ready for bed on her own without too much trouble. We have been immersed in Disney magic every night.

I went 36 years without a single trip to Disney World (other than a ridiculous night on Paradise Island in Downtown Disney back in the day...oh to be young and hot again, and have the energy to dance all night *big sigh*). I was so excited I was pinging, and upon arriving in "the World" last year, to celebrate the Pea's birthday, I became an addict, it was everything I had built it up to be, and more. Turns out, Magic is worse than heroin. I can't get enough. I think I was home a week when I booked our trip for this year. As we are approaching the 6 month out mark, and can soon book our dining reservations, the planning is in full swing. See, and just one short year ago I knew NOTHING of this, in order to get the "good" dinners (those with characters and such) you have to book SIX MONTHS OUT...yeah, you read it right, SIX MONTHS. I don't know what I want for breakfast tomorrow, much less in December, but because I will not have my baby girl denied the opportunity to dine with the princesses, my usually lazy (and tired) ass will be signing on at 6a.m. the morning of the 180th day out, to book us reservations. Yes, I am crazy...but you already knew that.

Well, in order to know where you want to eat on any given day, you must decide which park, and in order to decide which park there are all kinds of factors to take into consideration: whether or not they have certain shows or parades, whether or not there are extra hours, historical crowds, etc, etc. I have a spreadsheet it is so damn complicated. It is a good thing my job requires so little brain power on a daily basis or I wouldn't have the reserves to keep my Disney shit together. I must admit, however, I love it...and just thinking about what we will do when, and what we will eat when, makes me smile. Again, it's like heroin, and I'm an addict. Smash is completely disgusted, she tried an intervention last year (as she and her family were along on my crazy spreadsheet carrying "fun filled" ride) but finally gave up and just decided instead to stop enabling. She declined (if I remember correctly her exact words were "f*&k no...no way, maybe a couple years from now") my offer to join us this year.

Now, I realize there are some who wing it, and it turns out fine, but those are people who don't mind standing in line, and also have the patience of Job, I am not one of those people. We waited on one line last year and I nearly LOST. MY. MIND. The Pea and I waited one hour to ride the Peter Pan thing because it was one of those "must do" rides and upon exiting I was PISSED. The line itself was absurd...I so wanted to just collapse, like all the two year olds were doing, and lay on the floor crying, but since the Pea was quietly standing and proceeding like a big girl, I didn't want to give her any ideas. Well, then the big hairy guy in front of us farted, and with no where to go (at least a hundred people in front of us, a million or so behind us, and no way in hell I was gonna lose our place in line as I was pretty sure I had been there at least a year) I had no choice but to just stand there and gag...on the bright side, HE was the one with the very good chance of shit in his pants, and as bad as it was for me, I wasn't the one who would have to deal with that later. Every time we got to where I was SURE we were next, another row of people appeared out of nowhere and were ushered in front of us (I later found out these were the smart people who took advantage of Fastpass...I am now one of those people). We finally, got to the front of the line, in the little car that will take us on the ride of all rides, the best ride EVER, the reason we have endured all we have, and we are off. FOUR MINUTES later we stumble out into the light. Never, again...I now have a rule...if the wait is more than 15 minutes, we don't need to do it. I can't imagine waiting for an hour to eat, or to shake hands with a character. NO F*&KING WAY. The magic fades when mama, or Pea, is pissed and hungry.

Speaking of pissed, the Pea is getting that way now, as I promised her a video before I started writing and it has taken me longer than the 30 seconds she was counting on. I better go and let her watch so we can both get some sleep. Tomorrow is National Doughnut Day, and anyone who knows me or the Pea knows, we likey our doughnuts...it is probably best we be well rested before we cram ourselves full of the little fried cakes, spin ourselves into a sugar rush tizzy, and then collapse into food comas. Enjoy your weekend, try to stay cool, and eat a doughnut, or three.

i'm baaaaaack

2011-05-28T09:50:00.003-04:00

A lot has happened since I wrote last. I am still crazy, but my life is not so much. I have a new house, in a new town, and a new job, which I am slowly but surely settling into and allowing myself to enjoy, despite the little voice in my head that whispers "REALLY?!"

For my dear friends and readers I make only this promise as I go forward: every week, once a week, I will write something. I hope to have funny stories and witty anecdotes and make the time you spend reading enjoyable, but I may only have a line or two of babble...stick with me, practice makes perfect, right? And by perfect I mean: not terrible.

I am able to sit down and write today, in this blog, versus one that remains private, because I have the time to delete and rewrite, and delete and rewrite again, and think and write, etc, etc. The Pea is with her dad. Most of the weekends I spend alone I cram FULL of all sorts of activities and chores and before I know it I am running to pick her up, hardly noticing at all that she has been gone. This weekend, however, I purposely did not schedule anything and at about noon yesterday, when the reality of that hit me, I started to panic a bit. The Pea's dad, instead of the usual meet halfway, was going to pick her up at school, which meant two and a half hours of my time was now, mine. Then work gave us the word that we would get out early, and oh holy hell, an entire afternoon with NOTHING to do.

I decided to go shopping, not because I needed anything, but because I would be able to wander aimlessly, instead of the usual in and out with a map and a plan and the steely determination of a soldier. I would be able to try things on without the whole dressing room hearing "mommy, do you have a baby in your belly, cuz it's getting BIIIG" or "mommy, your butt is jiggly, why is your butt jiggly mommy?" or all of TJMaxx seeing me run nekkid into the accessories section because she decides I have spent entirely too much time in the dressing room and walks out, despite my having JUST gotten undressed.

I spent an hour in the store and $80, all on the Pea, and tried on nothing. It was still early afternoon and I needed a few things, so I went to Target. Since learning about the Pledge of Allegiance the Pea has been pledging every flag we come across (which has been exhausting for her this week, since there is one on every lamp post in my town) and after me to buy one for the house. I went into the store with a plan for: one hose (since it was probably high time we stopped borrowing the neighbors to fill up the kiddie pool), one American flag, one case of beer, and sunscreen. Two hours later I had a cart full of who knows what else, but everything I came for. At that point I was ready to go home, and I was full of energy. I was gonna clean my house, organize the junk basket (a whole drawer is not nearly big enough for me), and cook a nice big dinner, oh yeah...it was on...and then the lights went out in the store. A huge thunderstorm had hit while I was shopping, it was pouring rain, and the electricity was out.

I tried for awhile to wait it out, but people get a little kooky when the power goes out, and it was getting hot, and I just wanted to go home. I got home with a car full of soaking wet stuff (most of which I didn't need in the first damn place), was soaked and cold myself, and all grand plans went out the window. I got into my pjs, opened a bottle of wine, a carton of hummus and some crackers, and cozied up to the DVR. I was in bed at 6pm. My holiday weekend was off to an exciting start.

On the bright side, I am now raring to go, and the neighbors have a big plan: the community pool, opening day. Why am I going to brave a thousand screaming kids and smoking hot concrete when I don't have to? I am not sure, but I am off to do just that. Have a safe and happy holiday weekend y'all, and remember the reason for it. Too many men and women have died in battle to keep this country free and safe, we should honor them every day, but since we sometimes forget, take a moment this weekend to do so. Think about the families that are one (or more) fewer so that our little corner of the world is a safe democracy.

signing off

2009-12-12T12:25:00.002-05:00

If you are a regular to this blog you may have noticed I haven't written lately. I don't think I will be writing much more at all...not publicly. I have enjoyed the journey and it has taught me a lot and allowed me to grow, but every journey must come to an end and I am here. I am embarking on a new one: new adventures, new relationships, new challenges. I will continue to write...maybe one day manage to get a book together, but the "journal" type writing that has been this blog for so long is at an end...it is hard being exposed, opening yourself to everyone, and allowing everyone in...I need a break.

Thank you for reading.

home

2009-12-05T11:37:00.004-05:00

I'm home...well, actually I've been home for a few days, but you wouldn't know it since my suitcases are still full of crap and sitting in the middle of the hall. Not only are they unsightly, they impede movement through the house. I put them there to motivate me...I know myself well enough to realize that if I put them out of sight they will remain there, possibly through the new year. Instead of motivating me to unpack and do laundry, however, they have instead just pissed me off and forced me to step over them EVERY time I need to walk down the hall. I keep scheduling time to go ahead and just get it all put away, but then I find other, much more important, things to do, such as facebook friending people and chatting online.

Not only do I have much laundry and cleaning to do, but the Pea is insisting we put up the Christmas tree and decorate the house. There are three females in my house, no males. The tallest of us is only 5'2" and one of them has fur and no thumbs so is absolutely no help AT ALL. Why I chose a NINE FOOT Christmas tree, I am still not sure, but the thought of dragging that thing into the house and getting it set up is a bit overwhelming. Add to that, the fact that I don't own a ladder...well, you can imagine.

Wish me luck...I am off to unpack and decorate (and by that I mean: go watch football).

thanks

2009-11-26T09:50:00.010-05:00

I'm on vacation this week...I'm hangin' in New England with my family and trying to avoid the computer; I wanted to check in, though, and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, and give a few updates. Ok...Happy Thanksgiving! I am off Match again and suspect I will drop the account when I get to the end of my 6 months. It was a fun ride, I learned a lot about dating (since I had never really done it), and I am glad that it is an option for meeting new people; I am just tired of it...regardless of how much fun a ride, sooner or later, you gotta get off. I am gonna join the gym that Dancergirl goes to as soon as I get home. It boiled down to most bang for the buck and that particular one has the most classes...I like classes, especially yoga. I still don't have a job, but I applied for one last week that I REALLY want, cross your fingers for me.

Alright...I am off to enjoy the family, the food, and the football...it is going to be a damn near perfect day for me. In case YOU are huddled in a corner with your laptop and a bottle of vodka in order to avoid dealing with your crazy family though (just sayin'...not like I have ever been there or anything) and want some light reading, here are a few of my favorite older posts:

http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/happy-turkey-day.html

http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/06/boo-boos-vs-boobies.html

http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/08/hazards-of-being-single.html

Thank you all for reading, for being a part of my lovely life, and for your support and encouragement when I needed it the most...thank you, thank you, thank you!

oh dear

2009-11-17T09:40:00.003-05:00

Oh dear God I hurt...every muscle in my body is sore...I think I strained my spleen. A workout queen I am, NO LONGER. I think it speaks volumes about the class and the teacher that I am equally sore all over, she worked us good, however, as a result I am unable to perform any duty that requires movement. I am having trouble typing.

I am one of those people that actually loves working out...I really do like it...I like to sweat, I like the burn, I love the endorphin release...I do not like being out of shape. Right now, I am out of shape. I started running a few months ago, even though I HATE it and am no good at it, because I was struggling to find time to do anything else and it is the fastest way to get your heart rate up. Now that I do have time for workouts, other than running, I am on a mission to get back in shape and yesterday I tried to cram 6 months worth of aerobics and weights into 2 hours. I KNOW better, and I still couldn't stop myself.

So now that I am back in to the game it is time to join a gym. The gym I used to go to is out of business and I have 4 others to choose from that are nearby. The one I want to join is crazy expensive so that one is out, that leaves 3 others. Dancergirl is a member at one, the one I went to yesterday and had my ass kicked at...Betty is a member at another, and it is like the Dancergirls', only nicer (and a bit pricier) and the last is the "singles" gym. The singles gym is not ACTUALLY a gym for singles, it's not like you check your wedding band at the door, it just has the reputation of being the place where all the young, single, hotties workout.

Every gym seems to have a personality, and a certain clientele. Betty's is the one where all the "housewives" go during the day and do hours and hours of Pilates...they all have long lean bodies and perfectly coiffed hair. At Dancergirls' there is an interesting mix of gym rats, retirees, and real mommies...the gym rats are quietly working themselves to rock hard bodies, the retirees are swimming or wandering aimlessly, the mommies are trying to workout as fast as they can so they have a few minutes of peace and quiet to talk to another adult or take a shower before they have to pick up their little ones from the child care. The singles gym is a ghost town during the day, except for the occasional bartender or college student, because their clientele is all working...come 5:30, the place is mobbed with the young, hip, in shape, and perfectly attired. I don't really fit at any of them, but I have to make a decision and join one so I can get back in shape.

Checking out all these gyms and taking more classes will require me getting up out of this chair however, and I am not sure that is an option. I am sending signals from my brain to my legs, but my legs are not listening..and I can't lift my arms...and oh ouch...laughing hurts too. Oh dear...

wrong shui, again

2009-11-16T20:09:00.004-05:00

Wow...it has been almost a week...yikes. Things have been going well...a few funk days, but overall still enjoying the whole unemployment deal and trying to stay focused and productive. Today I went to the gym with Dancergirl and we took an hour and a half aerobics class that left us both totally exhausted. It was great being back in there and it got me motivated to get a bunch of stuff done this afternoon. Was off the radar last week because I went out of town to see JD, Elliott, Booya, Dr Cox, and NY. JD bought a house a while back and had his housewarming on Thursday night...it made me remember this old post and I thought I would re-run it since there is much to do, a game starting soon, and I don't have a story...enjoy: http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/09/wrong-shui.html

crazy carnival ride

2009-11-11T21:04:00.004-05:00

*Cue the crazy carnival music*

I am back on the Match ride...oh lord.

My profile has been invisible for quite some time now; I got overwhelmed with the whole deal, and really liked both Philly and Coach and didn't want to date anyone else, so I just bagged it, and disappeared. After Philly and I called it quits I thought about going back on, but right about that time Coach became a little more available, I started hanging with NY some and thought maybe, AND I lost my job so didn't feel like I had all that much to offer a perspective mate. I still had the membership, cuz it was one of those 6 month deals, but I wasn't doing much with it...until today. Today, I became visible again, even though I DIDN'T realize it, and now I am considering jumping back in. Of course, I could go back NOW (that I do know) and make it invisible again, but that would require some work (sign in, click, key stroke, sign out) and I dunno...it WILL give me something to write about...hmmmmmm.

See...the way Match works, even if you have an invisible profile, people who have contacted you in the past can still contact you (thus the whole NewPhilly deal, which BTW, no...no, no, no, no...met him, nice guy...uhm, NO) and they continue to send you matches every day, on the off chance that one catches your eye, I guess. I suppose I could cancel my membership all together, and make them stop sending the emails, but since things with Coach seem to be a remote possibility at best, and neither NY or I are ready to make the jump past buds, I have kept it. I continue to look at the emails every day, and always at the back of my mind thought: IF someone catches my eye I will sign back in, send them an email, and make my profile visible BUT, that has yet to happen. Part of the problem is when I originally signed up I had a very broad search criteria (male, pulse, living in NC) so, the matches they have been sending lately have been eh at best, and living mostly 200 miles away.

[Long story longer]

Today, when I got the email and ALL lived in a city not anywhere near here, I finally decided f*ck it, I'm gonna go in and change my criteria, get REALLY picky (male, pulse, living within 30 miles of here, under 45, non-smoker). In order to do this you have to sign in, go to the profile section, and edit. The profile section is all about you and what you are looking for...I went through, changed a few things, and saved it. A screen popped up with a disclaimer something to the effect of "are ya sure this time jackass? and oh by the way if you wanna make your profile invisible go to the blah blah blah blah whatever..." I just clicked ok, signed off, and didn't give it another thought other than "finally, I might get some dudes that actually interest me."

When I came back to the computer tonight I had 7 emails from Match...three of them messages from guys I have never seen before. WTF? Uh, oh...

APPARENTLY, when you make any change AT ALL to your profile, they send it in for approval and then make it visible, REGARDLESS of the status beforehand...had I read the disclaimer all the way through I would have known that....ahahahahahahahahaaaa.

Here we go again....wheeeeeeeee.

The problem for me is this: regardless of what you say you WANT, any guy who wants to can contact you, and the ones that you want to, may not. I am trying to keep an open mind and give some of the guys a chance because Booya, Dr Cox, and all my girls think I need to expand my horizons, BUT...just so y'all get an idea of the caliber of guys contacting me, why I got overwhelmed in the first place, and WHY I latched on to the only two that I clicked with AT ALL...here are two of the emails I got JUST TODAY...cut and pasted, I am not making this shit up:

your to funny say what you mean and mean what you say...so how are you doin?

A hi, hello, something would have been good, and I think what he meant was "you're too funny..." and then some sort of sign off would have been good as well, but that's just me...next.

funny lady!!you are so sweet and super sexy.i love your smile it is the sunshine in chapel hill.i like you moreso because you are so wonderful and a princess and id love to know you.

Ok, let's forget for just one second the creeptacularness that this message exudes and lemme point out two big giant things 1)my smile is the sunshine in a city? huh? I am confused, I tend to want to actually understand the men I am dating and 2) on NO planet am I a princess (and not all that sweet, but ok) not even close...I even say in my profile "I am one of the guys, and it is starting to piss me off...I am not ready to give up football or beer, but I want to be the girlfriend, rather than the buddy." Seriously...does that sound like something a princess would say?

Not sure if that is carnival ride music or the soundtrack from Psycho I am hearing, but mind is open...I am ready...to...gooooooo...maybe...oh...dear...God...I will let you know tomorrow if I have hung in there or if I am invisible again...anyone got any Dramamine?

babbling

2009-11-11T10:25:00.004-05:00

Well...I don't know what to write...I am in a writing funk...I want to talk about Veterans Day, the war...maybe touch on how lucky we are to be living in this country and have people willing to defend it every day, I just can't seem to form a cohesive thought. I have written a few half sentences and then deleted them and now I am just babbling.

An AP article out today said America is in a funk...ya think? We are pissed about the economy, the war, the overall outlook, and our president. Apparently everyone thought he was gonna waive his magic wand and all would be right in the world, and now a year later, not so much. Really? Cuz I know I didn't think he could do a damn bit of good, and while I am sure there were a few out there who thought he was the second coming, I for one knew not even Jesus could save our economy, end the war, and make all right with the world...anyone with half a brain had to know that. Not sure if the AP was just grasping for straws and it being a light news day decided to comment on the obvious or what, but pretty sure I didn't need to read it in the newspaper to figure that one out...thanks though.

On a good note, I am pretty much out of my funk, still can't write, but I'm smiling about it...I like to be one step ahead of trends so it is working out well. Yesterday the Pea and I had an awesome day and I actually enjoyed being unemployed. It helped I paid all my bills for the month, budgeted for the next two months, and then vowed to not worry about money...it is easier said than done, but I have found that if I only worry about how to get through today, and not the next or the one after that, it is a whole lot easier. Today is rainy and gross and the Pea are staying in as much as possible. We have to venture out later to go to the doctor, but I tend to want to hibernate on days like today, so I suspect there will be tv, and naps, in our near future.

Well...that is all I got...wish my brain was working better and I could actually write something well thought out and meaningful, but it's not, so I can't. Thank you veterans...thank you for serving our country and keeping us safe and protecting our freedom, and our right to be in a funk. Ok, NOW all I can think about it that stupid song Funkytown...so of course I went to YouTube and found the most ridiculous clip to share with you. Enjoy...or just feel embarassed for the girl in the video...either way...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co0eAPEVDpM&feature=related

plan b

2009-11-09T12:48:00.003-05:00

Dr Cox, I have a plan B!

The other day I called Dr Cox from the beach to ask him how his day was going, since mine was at a stand still. I was enjoying it, just hanging out, watching the waves, but I wasn't actually accomplishing anything and wanted to check in with someone who might have been. Turns out he wasn't doing much either.

Him: "So, have you found a job yet?"

Me: "Uhm, nope...I am gonna win the lotto...it is at 80 million and I am pretty sure I can live on that."

Him: "That is your plan A?"

Me: "Pretty much."

Him: "Ya know, it is really like 40 million, and after taxes like twelve...dollars, not millions."

Me: "I don't have a plan B."

Him: "Let me know how that works out for you."

Well, I forgot to buy a ticket...the day got away from me, next thing I knew it was Sunday. Damn.

Today I ended up hanging out with a friend, drinking coffee on the deck of another friend's (well acquaintance...) house and the whole sugar daddy conversation came up. Turns out we know some rich single guys who are looking...moooohahahhhahahahaha...Plan B!

The day before I left work I was talking to the girls in the office and words sugar and daddy got tossed about and while we laughed and had fun with it, I left thinking "No way in hell...I will make my own sugar thank you very much." It's funny, because if I were loaded, I wouldn't think twice about taking care of someone I loved. I would want them hanging out with me, not working, so it would be win win to take care of them, but when I think about it going the other way I just get skeeved. I am thinking about the show "The Real Housewives of..." and the girls who weren't married to, but were being taken care of by those rich guys...oh sure on the outside it seemed cool, but I wondered how much freedom those women actually had. Could they really just go off and do whatever and spend whatever or were they constantly having to justify it and be at the man's beck and call? How much quality time did they get with their guys to hang out and enjoy that money together? It seems like it would be a very lonely life...sitting around waiting for him to make time while he justified not with "go buy yourself something pretty."

Oh well...in any case, I now have a plan A AND a plan B, so I should be fine...I will let you know how they work out.

in touch

2009-11-08T21:49:00.003-05:00

Today was one of those "in touch" days...seemed like I spent the whole day on the phone. It was nice...talked to Smash and Booya early in the day...NY and Dude checked in with me this evening...just got off the phone with Mclovin. I love hearing from people I haven't in awhile. I should have called my dad, it was his birthday, and now it is too late, but every time I tried either the phone rang, or something came up. I had Dancergirl's baby boy today and he and Pea were a handful. We went to the park this afternoon for a picnic lunch and to get some energy out and they ran like mad around the playground for over and hour. I was exhausted just watching them.

The Pea and I are back on good terms...we never made it to DD this morning, but she did have one of her birthday cupcakes (which had sprinkles, so same effect) so she was happy, and tonight she went to bed without a fight. I can hear her snoring as I type...awwww.

The week ahead looks busy, which is good because I do better when I am, and then after that getting ready for our trip up north...we are both already excited and crossing our fingers for good weather. It will be good to reconnect with the family up there and recharge my batteries. I always love going up, but I also always come home with a renewed appreciation for NC. It will be good to get away from all things real and ugly here and maybe when I get back I will be able to get busy on those things on that to-do list that is still taunting from the kitchen counter.

Also taunting from the kitchen counter is the phone...which has been chirping with texts so I better go...big smile...thanks for checkin' in all.

sprinkle doughnut

2009-11-07T22:08:00.002-05:00

Tonight I f*cked up...I got angry at the Pea and yelled at her, and she didn't deserve it. I hate when I do that...I hate that I get mad at her when what I am really mad at is myself and my life. She didn't want to go to bed, and I wanted her to; after I read her her books and tucked her in she got up and went running down the hall, and instead of laughing it off or just going and getting her, I yelled. She went to bed upset and now I am upset. What I want to do now is wake her up and apologize, but that would just be selfish, so here I sit, writing about it.

Being a parent is hard...being a good parent is really damn hard...being a really good parent all by yourself: nearly impossible. The saying "it takes a village..." yeah, it does. I have found that single moms tend to do one of three things to manage the raising of their kid(s) if they can't afford to hire help: they 1) get a man, any man, and latch on for dear life (not usually a good idea and tends to leave one alone again, down the line, and looking for another one) 2) enlist the help of the grandparents (usually the best idea, and often the most feasible...in my case, not so much) or 3) gather up other single mommy friends and form a "village" of one's own. Dancergirl and I have taken this route and formed ourselves a little family. We haven't taken to living together or anything, but we are like sisters, and our kids like siblings, and I don't know how I would be making it right now without her.

Not only do we take each other's kids on a regular basis so the other can work, run errands, date, or just be alone, but we hang out together a lot and talk, while the kids play. We talk about the usual stuff girlfriends talk about, but we also talk about how scary it is to be doing this alone...how nice it would be to have someone else do the dishes, just once...or how great it will be when the kids are old enough to help with the laundry. We talk about not wanting to settle or take the "get a man, any man" route, but how easy it would be to do some days...and we talk about how we just want to be good mommies. We want to play and have fun with the kids, we want to provide them with a nice safe life, we want to help them grow up to be good people...just like married mommies do.

I guess, just like any parent, married or not, what I need to do is strive to do better next time. I can't go back and not yell, even though I wish I could, but I CAN apologize to her in the morning, and give her a big hug and kiss...and then take her to DD for a sprinkle doughnut...wouldn't it be great if all of our f*ck ups could be fixed with a sprinkle doughnut?

tgif

2009-11-06T07:30:00.004-05:00

I think I am out of the funk. Went out to dinner with Booya, JD, Elliott, Jojo, DrCox, and NY the other night and they lifted my spirits and helped me renew my faith...thanks guys! I hadn't seen JD or Booya in months and reconnecting is always a happy time, plus I was able to vent about the whole job deal to people who are still there and understand...or rather who don't understand either. The great thing about friends who love you unconditionally is they help you see the good in yourself when you can't. They also don't let you get too far into pity without a swift kick and an "ok, that's enough of that crap...suck it up."

I spent all day yesterday hanging with the Pea, playing, and resting...and didn't beat myself up one bit for not having a job or where I am in life right now. Today I will get to work applying for new jobs, workout, and enjoy the day, and hopefully by tonight have a little something more to write about.

to clarify

2009-11-04T11:24:00.005-05:00

Well, I just got off the phone with DH and I need to clarify a few things...a reader made a phone call to him, everybody is all in a tizzy...oh the drama. Ok 1) apparently he did not say damaged...I remember damaged, he does not...affected...he said affected. 2) I never had a lesbian affair...I am still unsure of where this came from but at some point in the past I said something that was taken as such and he wants it out there in the universe that I did not, so the Pea does not hear of such things (which to be honest would not be all that bad I don't think, but there ya go...) and 3) he was at the birth of our child...he slept through only the first part of my labor, while I was still at home...he drove me to the hospital, stayed there throughout, rubbed my back and cut the cord...I don't remember what exactly I said he did or didn't in my birth story, about to go back and re-read now just to humor myself, but if I led anyone to believe otherwise, sorry.

Here is the birth story: http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2009/05/birth.html

Still not sure where the lesbian thing came from...huh.

the day

2009-11-04T06:59:00.006-05:00

The Pea is still sound asleep...she had a big day yesterday. We had a great lunch at the beach, fun at the park, went shopping for her present, a party at her school, and then home, where she played with Dancergirl's little guy while Betty and I talked and drank wine.

Betty and I talked about the usual...work, men, kids, upcoming events, etc. I talked about Coach, since I finally got to see him in action, and then got to spend time with him on Monday night, she talked mostly about work since she has been so busy with hers, and we both talked about having little girls.

I think we get the kids we are meant to parent...I think our kids teach and mold us as much (if not more) than we do them. I always thought boys would be better, easier to parent, and more my speed and yet I cannot imagine having anything BUT a little girl at this point. She is my pal, my bud, my mini me, who I get to parent the way I wish I had been. She is the age now that I was when mom left B. With every new age and stage I think back to my childhood and try to make sure that I do a better job than they did...I am far from perfect, but I would like to think I learned enough to not make the SAME mistakes. I am a fairly strict parent, and firm, and it kills me sometimes to NOT give into her because I want her to be happy; it is days like yesterday that I realize the stuff that really makes her happy, and saying no to candy or more TV is ok. The things she got MOST excited about yesterday: ranch dressing, new pjs, the park, seeing me hang upside down on the monkey bars (which gotta say kinda made my day too, it has been YEARS since I did that), presents in the mail, reading new books, sleeping in my bed.

The other night, in a conversation with DH, he indicated that the Pea was forever "damaged" by our divorce, and used me and my life as an example of what divorced parents do to a kid and boy did I get mad...I am still mad, and he doesn't understand why. I think as humans we are all to some extent "damaged" although I HATE that word...there is not one person on this planet over the age of two that hasn't been hurt, betrayed, let down, or abandoned in some way, and every time that happens it changes us. Every heartbreak forces us to grow...some it makes bitter and cold, others it makes more grateful for future triumph. DH indicated that for the Pea it is over...no matter what we do or how we parent now, she is screwed, and if we had stayed together that wouldn't be the case...HELL. NO. I started to point to examples of screwed up people all over the place whose parents stayed together (I used him as one) but then stopped cuz I thought "what is the point?" It has become painfully obvious that some people, he included, just don't get it. It isn't about yesterday or a year ago or what happens TO us that matters, but rather today, right now and what we DO...what we choose now. The stuff that happens to us, especially the bad, sucks...especially if we lose someone we love, but giving up, labeling oneself damaged, and sitting out the rest of life waiting to die?

When Jojo came into work after losing her son she said to me "Yeah I am hurting...I am hurt and mad and sad, but I have to honor the day...I have to accept that God saw fit for ME to still be here so I have to honor Him and be thankful for the day, put one foot in front of the other, and move through it." I will NEVER forget that. Yesterday the Pea and I honored the day...it wasn't the perfect four year old birthday I had imagined for her back when she was first born and I was determined to give her the life I didn't have...the one with pony rides, and a pretty dress, and two parents madly in love doting on her, but it was good enough, and she was happy.

Plus, I got to swing on the swings and hang upside down on the monkey bars, which I now highly recommend to all of you out there who haven't done it in awhile. You might wanna borrow a kid if you don't have one of your own, cuz showing up on a playground by yourself could get you pegged as "damaged"...as one who is though, I must say: it isn't all that bad.

happy bday Pea

2009-11-03T09:16:00.004-05:00

Happy Birthday Pea!!!!

It is my baby girl's birthday today...four years ago today was the happiest day of my life. Well, ok the first 20 hours not so happy, but by 10:15pm, very much so. Every day since then, she has provided the driving force in every decision of every day.

I am not doing so well unemployed, I have been floundering a bit, and in a funk, and this morning I resolved to change that. I got a gift, when I lost my job, of more time with the Pea...I would be at work today, get to only see her for a few hours tonight, and instead we have the whole day. We will go to lunch, have a party at her school, and then whatever else she wants to do, and I should be enjoying every minute of it, not worrying what the future will bring. I am scared to death of the possibility of not finding another job and the repercussions of that, but today, TODAY is the Pea's birthday and so instead of writing I will leave you with an old post that I re-read to inspire me, and go celebrate my little miracle.

http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2009/08/today.html

pissedoffedness

2009-11-02T10:23:00.004-05:00

day in the life

2009-10-30T09:04:00.006-04:00

I remember a blog I once read that had a post "day in the life." Most of the posts were very philosophical and intellectual, but the one that just documented the day was the one I enjoyed the most. I thought, what the hell...this was my yesterday. The Pea was with her daddy last night, obviously if I had had her my night would have been quite different.

Started the day by getting the Pea set up in front of the TV with breakfast, making coffee, and taking a shower. I then, get dressed, get her clothes laid out, get her backpack packed...she not only needed her usual change of clothes and a spare, but also her Halloween costume, so she could show daddy. Drink coffee while watching Toot and Puddle with the Pea. Toot and Puddle are pigs...pigs who live together, in their perfect little house in the woods, and travel all over the world on adventures...I am very envious of Toot and Puddle and their adventures...also, they are both boys, think Ernie and Bert. The Pea gets herself dressed while Toot and Puddle muddle through the amazonian rain forest, and then I take her to school. I linger a bit longer than usual, the Pea holds my leg a bit longer than usual, the teacher finally pries us apart and politely pushes me out the door.

Back home, I get on the computer...check email, facebook, write in the private blog, write in this blog, check email again, go to TheFrisky.com and do some reading, decide I need more coffee. Realize there aren't enough coffee grinds for more than a half a cup, curse myself for not having more on hand, decide WTF...dump the tablespoon of new coffee grinds onto the old and run another pot. It's not too bad. Get back on the computer to look for jobs...curse myself for not having a copy of my resume and think about making a new one, decide instead to send messages on facebook and comment on people's status. Have texting conversation with Gigi, have texting conversation with NY.

Decide to apply for online writing job...get very excited, start filling out application. Get to section "List published articles and books, all press appearances, professional accolades" realize I have nothing to list, get frustrated and log off. Pick up my book, turn on SportsCenter, and lay on the couch to read. Read a few chapters, start to fall asleep, get pissed at myself for being a lazy slug, think about going for a run...decide instead to eat...cold pizza. Have texting conversation with Coach. Wander around the house aimlessly, not wanting to clean, but noticing all that needs to be cleaned, decide to go through the stack of mail that has been accumulating over the last month. Find overdue medical bill, panic...realize I can pay online, log back on computer and pay bill...decide while I am at it to pay other bills and balance checkbook, get sad. Smash calls (oh thank God) we talk for 40 minutes...I tell her the deal with Philly, we talk about NY and Coach, we get into a conversation about Pakistan, and then Obama, and then from there survival supplies in case of a disaster...we agree that the price on freeze dried strawberries is ridiculous...and then she is home, so we say goodbye. I check my pantry and realize my hurricane kit consists of one gallon of water and a candle, and think about doing something about that, but decide instead to go through my DVR. I delete programs I know I won't watch, set up new recordings, and end up watching two episodes of Grey's Anatomy, and one of The Office. Call Dancer Girl...we talk about men, money, the kids, and going trick or treating.

Get back on the computer, and remember I promised to call Matchdate # hmmmm, what are we up to? so scroll through old emails to find his number, realize he has the same name as Philly (with the same spelling which is sort of unusual) and am kind of weirded out. I call anyway, get voicemail (yay!) leave a message that I am on my way out to watch the game with some friends, and that I will call him another day. I take a shower, get in bed, turn on the game. Have texting conversation with NY. Coach calls...we talk about getting together, but don't make any actual plans to do so. I get up, get a beer, and realize I am hungry...I take my beer, and a plate of cheese and crackers, back to my bed and watch the rest of the game...make a mental note to self that tomorrow I should eat something other than cheese topped carbs.

New Matchdate guys calls, at first I am like "who the hell?" then I remember and answer. His voice is just like Philly's...his accent is just like Philly's...I mention the baseball game and he says "I am from Philly." I throw up a little in my mouth. I want to hang up the phone but he is just talking away...OH. MY. GOD. NewPhilly wants to get together sometime, but since the poor guy already has two strikes against him that he doesn't know about and has no control over, I feel bad. I know that the slightest thing is going to send me screaming from him, and he won't know what the hell happened.

I hang up, turn off the light, and try to sleep. I toss and turn for what feels like hours, finally fall asleep, and wake up this morning at 7. Without any real reason to get out of bed, I stay there until 9.

catch up

2009-10-29T10:39:00.004-04:00

A lot has happened the past few days...some good, some not so...a quick update and then some sh*t that doesn't s#ck...

Tuesday I had to go into work to sign some papers and say goodbye. Donning a visitors badge verses my regular badge was more a kick in the gut that I imagined it would be...I didn't like it much at all...it very much sucked. Signing papers that made the whole deal official...sucked bad. Having the man who decided to get rid of me play nice, condescend me, and pretend to "care" really sucked...for the record Boss Man: you can't yank the rug out from underneath some one's feet, put them between a rock and a hard place, force them to make a decision in a few days that they never imagined they would have to make at all, justify it all with the ol' "budget" argument when the company pissed away more than their salary at a convention the week before and expect anything BUT seething anger...I mean c'mon...seriously?

[short break while I do some yoga and deep breathing in order to prevent myself from having a stroke...]

Ok, then...so on a good note...oh wait, first more bad...pretty sure Philly and I are done. The stress of having the Yanks and the Phillies play each other in the World Series was just too much of a strain on the relationship and we called it quits last night...no, not really. The stress of everything else going on in our respective lives, yes, but even I am not one to walk away from someone over baseball...football perhaps, but not baseball. It just got too hard, and this early on and with everything else going on, I couldn't do hard. [So laughing out loud right now as my filthy little mind went straight to naughty...perhaps I should have said difficult.]

Now, for the good stuff. I have a new boy to add to my circle, welcome NY. Ever know someone for years, but not really know them, and then all of a sudden spend some time with them in a different setting and realize they are really cool? He was the last person I expected to be my shoulder for the last two weeks, but he was, and what a nice surprise. Another nice surprise...I got a tax refund...talk about good timing too. I know, I know, taxes should have been done back in April, if not before, but given DH and I had to work together to do them, it didn't actually happen until sometime near midnight on October 14th. The deposit into my account came this week, and because of all that was going on, I had forgotten it was coming, so yippee! Another yippee...Booya is on his way home!! He will be here tomorrow, and I can't wait to squeeze him. Last on my list of good stuff, I may FINALLY get to see Coach in action this weekend. Every game I planned on going to I never made it to, and it looks like this time it is actually gonna happen...fingers crossed nothing comes up, and it doesn't rain.

Ok, you are all caught up, and I promise to start writing more...more stories, more random thoughts, more musings on this lovely and confusing life...it's not like I don't have time. In the meantime, a little work humor for ya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hCgzvC028k

polyester dreams

2009-10-26T09:46:00.004-04:00

So the first "real" day of unemployment...very weird.

I made a list, last night, of all the things I wanted to accomplish this week. Some things I have wanted to get done for months and just haven't, a few are in an effort to secure a new job, and a few because of the job loss. To keep the Pea on a good schedule, and to prevent me from getting lazy and spending all day on the couch watching ESPN, I decided I would get up 7:30, get us both ready, and then spend the day working on my list while the Pea was at school. Well, I woke up at 7:29, yay for me, good start...I turned on the light and the Pea walked in "hey baby doll, g'mornin...wanna snuggle with mommy for a few minutes before we get up?" Next thing I knew it was 9:04...it is now 10:30...the Pea is finally at school, I am watching SportsCenter, the list is taunting me from the kitchen counter.

One of the things on the list is the rather obvious "GET A F*CKING JOB" and apparently it is weighing on me SO much that my subconscious already has me working. I had a dream I was a Hooters girl. There I was, in my too tight tank, teeny tiny heinous orange short shorts with my ass hanging out, and ridiculous knee socks, slinging wings. Then, as in dreams it is possible to do, it was suddenly the end of my shift and I was leaning against the counter counting my tips and telling one of the other girls how surprised I was I wasn't more tired, since I hadn't waitressed in so long, and wasn't used to being on my feet all day. I woke up in a panic because it was one of those really real dreams and I was embarrassed for myself...I am too old to be a Hooters girl, and don't look good in orange.

The dream has me a bit shaken...I had all this confidence last week that I would find a "real" job soon and not be left in a position that I would have to take one of those jobs that lends itself to a heinous polyester uniform, but I have been here before. I have never waitressed in a "real" restaurant, ya know with cloth napkins and pepper mills, where if you are part of the wait staff you can actually make a decent living and consider it a career. No, the extent of my waitressing experience has been while donning something gross and pretending to flirt with drunk ass morons who think they have done you a favor by giving you a dollar. Waffle House and Pure Gold...oh yeah...very unflattering brown stripes and far TOO flattering gold sequins.

I went to college on an academic scholarship, so everything from tuition to books was paid for...they drew the line at cute shoes though, so I needed to make some money and the Waffle House was the only place in town that was hiring at the time. I later got a bartending job which was a whole lot better, but for months I endured that awful polyester brown mess they called a uniform and slung hashbrowns "scattered, smothered, topped" and perfectly browned waffles. The Pure Gold gig was while I was in flight school, a decade later. Flight hours aren't cheap, and until I got a job working for the company that ran the flight school and was able to weasel free flight time, I had to endure gold sequins, and high heels, and sling $6 Budweisers.

I have no idea what job I will end up getting when it is all said and done, but God help me if I end up having to wear anything polyester, striped, or sequined...that really would be a nightmare.